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to know or not to know (gender)? Lock Rss

Hello to you all!
My parter and I talked about whether we should find out the sex of our 1st baby (due 06/04), and he said HE didn't want to know but I did! We just had the 19 week ultrasound and I obliged (or is that obeyed??!!!) by covering my eyes, but they got an 'accurate' view and noted the sex. I CAN'T BELIEVE I GAVE IN!!! I asked him why he gets to decide on 'to not know' and he said if I knew but was willing to keep it secret, he'd get too curious and then would want to know. To that I explained that I would not tell him, no matter what, but he still said 'no!'
U can't really compromise on this decision can u? A part of me feels like I'm letting him 'wear the pants', but I'm tempted to call up and find out (or through my doctor) what it is! Would that be wrong? Should I just accept HIS decision, or do what I feel is right for me? I really would like to know, and I don't think it's going to take away from the beauty and surprise of seeing baby for the first time! I welcome your advice!!!
Hi Erika,
I was in the same boat you are in when I was pregnant with my first. I wanted to know, but my husband didn't. In the end I decided not to find out, as if I had of, I would have been tempted to buy clothes etc for that sex which would have given it away to my husband. I also would have been calling the baby he or she all the time which again would have given it away. When the baby was born, I was glad in the end that I didn't know, as it was that little bit more exciting in meeting my new baby boy. I have since had another 2 babies (1 girl and another boy), and decided not to find out the sex again. I think it was exciting to find out the sex when the baby was born. But that was just my decision, you do what you think is right for you, and good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

Mother of 3, Qld

Well, well, we are in a bit of a pickle aren't we? I totally agree with him but you're not asking my opinion on that, you want my opinion another related matter.
What you need to do, is ask yourself: 'how well can I act?' You're right, it shouldn't just be his decision, so go out and find out. Just ask about what the sex is without telling him or having him know. Do not, and I mean, do not give away that you have found out the sex of the baby. It doesn't just stop there. You need to do a little bit more acting once the baby has been delivered by acting reeaaaallly surprised when they 'reveal' the sex of the baby.
Who knows, later on, in a few years time, you can reveal your little secret and wonderful acting skills. And that's when you can all have a little chuckle about it.
Congratulations and I hope all goes well for you.




I can't decide!!! I am definately of two minds in this discussion! We didn't find out with our pregnancy & it was just the most beautiful moment when we heard we had a girl. I must say though that my first thought was is the baby healthy/breathing & does she have all her fingers & toes? I am unsure if I would find out next time! The surprise is delightful but I also think it would be lovely to know that you are carrying a daughter or son.
Best wishes,
Well this is a good one

I didn't find out with my first, but did with my second and current. I LOVED knowing as it was just such a bonding thing for me during my pregnancies, and certainly didn't take away any excitment at the birth.

I think you have every right to know the sex of the child that YOU are carrying. It is not your problem that your partner will become too curious if he knows that you know the sex of your child....maybe he really does want to know as well but doesn't want to give in ?
I found out the sex of our second child and my partner became curious and wanted to know (but he had not forbidden me to find out), and he was very pleased when I told him.....!!
So, I say, go and find out and let him worry about his inability to curb his own curiosity. In the end, either way, its either a girl or a big secret in that !!
All the best !

Carmel,Vic, 2 and counting...

Hi Erika,
My partner & I are expecting our first child 13/07 and I really want to know - He has changed his mind twice now but currently we agree that we should find out. I tend to agree with you, I cant see how it is going to take away from seeing your baby for the first time if anything it will avoid the need for the big shopping spree after birth for PINK or BLUE clothing and accessories so others know if your child is a boy or a girl. I think what changed my partners mind is when I asked him to explain why he didn't think we should find out and not just say 'because'. He found it difficult to come up with a real reason for not knowing. Just remind him that the child being healthy is the main aim so knowing if it is a she or he prior is not going to change anything and the joy & excitment is still going to be there when you see and hold your child for the first time. GOOD LUCK.
Hi Erika77... I'm in exactly the same boat. I am now 30 weeks (due December 26th) - My partner is very determined not to know... where as I would love to know!! - This will be our first baby.
I know that I wouldnt be able to resist buying pinks or blues once I knew, so I think its best to just wait it out.
I suppose it wont hurt us to wait it out...will it?
I know its frustrating... but to find out behind your partners back may cause more trouble than it really worth.
That's just my opinion of course!
Good luck!

Cindy due 26th December 04

Hi, we really wanted to find out the sex when I was pregnant but unfortunately when we had the unltrasound they couldnt tell, so we didnt really have a choice. I would have loved to know as I'm not one for surprises, and like to have everything organised before the fact. Through the whole pregnancy tho I just kind of knew it was going to be a girl - have u tried tying a strand of your hair around a ring and holding it above your belly? I did this when I was pregnant and I was stunned .. it actually works, that ring was swinging in huge circles above my tummy (predicting a girl) and it goes side to side for a boy. You could give it a go, at least thats a way of perhaps getting an idea without going behind his back to get the results - it's not just an old wives tale! (i have no idea how it works tho).

Anyway, as for finding out ... I think you have more say than he does. If you reeeeally want to know, just tell him "i'm going to find out" and if he doesnt want to know thats his problem, lol. Do what you feel's right.

Be sure to let us know how u go,

Jaida (6), Ameli (2) & Lacey (2mths) - SA

hello, I have a 2month old boy and my partner and I couldn't decide if we wanted to or not so we got the lady to write it down put it in a envolop so I waited till i was pulling my hair out I just couldnt wait any longer and Im glad we did it. My partner doesnt know i opened it.

mum of peter 25/12/04

Hey's a tough one because once you know, ya know! I always think,"What if they got it wrong???"
We are preggers with our 4th and having the same debate. We haven't found out with any of the others. My hubby is happy to find out, but thinks that we should tell people. I just want to know for me and I love when girlfriends have their babies and I FINALLY get to know what they had!
If your partner would just laugh at you for being a sneak for going behind his back and finding out, then I think it would be OK. But, if it would cause a bit fight/argument, then I wouldn't go there....end of the day a healthy baby is the MOST important thing (cliche I know).


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