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  5. Help/Adice with my son - anger/violent rage

Help/Adice with my son - anger/violent rage Rss

Hi its been a while since i have been her, i am not sure where to turn to. My son is now 6 1/2 and he has fits of anger range when he does not gets his way. He kicks, punches kicks people, walls, doors, and throws things at you. Thos could last for 30 min, my husband and i don't now what to do anymore. We have started to see a child pschologist, but she cannot get through as he seems to block that out. it is very hard, sometimes he grabs his sister (4 yr old) by the throught and pushes her head to the wall, sometimes he tries to choke her (done that twice). Sometimes he gets angry when he cannot do something, he missed a tv show,

love some advice thanks

Caroline Springs

Big hugs for you!!! This must be hard so good on you for seeking help not just for your sake but for your family and your son.

Does you son have any disorders that you know of?

What approaches have you tried to deal with this behaviour? for example time out, naughty chair, revoked privilages etc.

Do you explain things to him before situations arise? Like, if you are going to the shops do you tell him exactly what you are going to do? Something like "we are going to go to the shops and get --- you can help me by staying near me and reminding me to get the ---. Do you think you could do that?" This way he knows what is going to happen, he also feels involved in it, and your asking him not telling him so he shouldn't feel forced. You could offer something to encourage his behaviour like watching his faverite movie with him after lunch.

I know it sounds like alot of work but his lashing out at other people especially his sister makes me think maybe he feels like he isn't getting enough attention/feedback from you (and/or others) or perhaps jealous of his sister? I'm not saying your not giving him the attention just that perhaps that is the way he feels.

Has he got a routine? If not maybe that could help him feel like he has control of aspects of his life. Such as chosing some fruit out for his morning tea, or a story before his quiet time in the afternoon. plus he knows what comes next which gives him structure.

These are just some suggestions that might help if you haven't already tried them. I hope you find something that helps you because it can't be easy to handle in you day to day life. GBH!




OOOHHH... INTERNET FIGHT. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? CAPS LOCK ME TOO DEATH?
(Noddy's not fat ffs!)

Wow, that sounds tough! I'm not dealing with anything so serious as you describe, but hopefully something I've tried will resonate with you. My ds1 has moments of anger/temper tantrums and it's something that we've been working on since he was a toddler so some of the messages we have been trying to instill in him are finally getting through. We have a rule in our home that no one has the right to push, hit or hurt another person. If he is feeling angry or upset (and I need to remind him sometimes when I see a situation escalating) he needs to take responsibility for those feelings and remove himself from the situation or ask for help in dealing with those feelings so that no one else gets "blamed" for his anger.
We've also found removing the privilege of tv time to have a huge effect on his behavior in general. The first day is hellish with him complaining constantly, but after that he discovers he has other toys and interests that he enjoys even more smile
In your situation how you describe him hurting his sister, it made me wonder if perhaps there are bigger/older kids that might be treating him like that?
I've also heard of parents having success with diet (removing all preservatives/processed food/colours etc) in improving their childs behavior. Perhaps that's something you could look into as well.
It's getting late and that's all I can think of atm, will check back tomorrow if I think of anything else. Hopefully others have some helpful suggestions for you.

Hi its been a while since i have been her, i am not sure where to turn to. My son is now 6 1/2 and he has fits of anger range when he does not gets his way. He kicks, punches kicks people, walls, doors, and throws things at you. Thos could last for 30 min, my husband and i don't now what to do anymore. We have started to see a child pschologist, but she cannot get through as he seems to block that out. it is very hard, sometimes he grabs his sister (4 yr old) by the throught and pushes her head to the wall, sometimes he tries to choke her (done that twice). Sometimes he gets angry when he cannot do something, he missed a tv show,

love some advice thanks

have a friend who is going through something similar wth her 10 yr old...They have seen a series of phys., docs, etc and he has been diagnosed with ODD. It may be worth getting him checked by a pead doc.
My son has anger problems - not usually physically aggressive towards other people but still VERY angry. He's struggled since he was less than 1yr old.

As pp said, he is allergic to additives and gets totally out of control if he has any- but he does struggle with it without the additives aswell.

Just a few tips of how WE deal with it. (i realise others might have totally different methods)

- Remember to empathise with his feelings as Much as you can.

- If he looses it- he goes to his room- 'no, we won't talk to you about it till you can talk nicely' - there is NO point in us even Trying to reason with him while hes really angry. (this stage can take a LONG time)
our son likes to bargin- "if you make me stay in my room, i'll just...." we just say, "well thats your choice, fine, but you can't come out till you can talk nicely about it" (this is actually good- because it means he's actually THINKING about it)

- Once he is ready to talk nicely i sit him down and ask him questions... How did you feel when you were yelling/ arguing...? , how do you think that made mummy feel? Is it good or bad to yell/hit... when you are angry? (we're christians so we also ask him what God would want him to do) What should you do when you are angry? (for him he should tell mum or dad or go to his room to think about it)

(by this time he is usually totally reasonable- but DON"T leave it at that!)

- Once he acknowledges that he was doing the wrong thing, we give him a consequence (there's not much point in a consequence if he doesn't acknowledge he's wrong first - 'cos then he just blames us for it instead of himself and just gets more angry) "Because you yelled/hit... when you got angry you have to/ you can't... "

- We get him to apologise - to me, whoever he got angry with and anyone else around who would have got upset by his behaviour (other sibblings, friends...)

- THAN we deal with why he got angry... his sister took his toy, i wouldn't listen, Dad didn't let me have___ , He couldn't get the toy to work... whatever. Ok- how could you have handled that without yelling... - talk to sister, try again, ...

- than we get him to deal with it in the way he thought of.


He's at the point now that often (not always)if he starts getting angry i just ask him if he needs to go to his room or talk to me- often he will just call out 'Mum, i just have to go to my room ok?' and off he goes by himself... when he comes out i ask him if he would like to talk or needs some help... and its all good.

but seriously - try the additives thing! or check out other potential problems.

Sorry this is really long- but as you know it IS hard to deal with. blink
First of all i want to thanks everyone for responding.. very interesting about the ODD. I have booked a peadtrician to get him assessed.

With the diet i don't have any chocolate, biscuits chips etc in my household. At one stage he did outburst 4 days in a row and at different times. Some days he is a pleasant boy. I was thinking about putting him on gluten free diet but is not everyday he gets angry.


He is seeing a pschologist tommorrow hopefully she can get through, after his tantrums he is in denial, so it is difficult for her to make him understands his emotions.

We have tried to put in him his room, but then he starts to throw things, kicks the walls, basically i grab him in a head lock possition whereby he cannot move hoping he coalms down. A few times i have walked out and he starts to cry - i means he changes from that rage to a crying normal boy.

i don't like it that he is getting his way a lot know , if we say no he pretty much starts to kick.

hoipefully i can reach some solution soon.

Caroline Springs




He is seeing a pschologist tommorrow hopefully she can get through, after his tantrums he is in denial, so it is difficult for her to make him understands his emotions.


Is it possible for someone to video tape it? Perhaps he needs to see it to believe it and then he may be able to deal with it...also it may help the psych?
hi, with the diet things- its not just junk food that sets my son off - additives- colours and preservatives are in all sorts of things - meal bases, pies, some bread, stock, - everything. Although not only additive allergies can effect behaviour.

I feel for you (and him- poor kid) hope everything goes well at the psychologist.

Is it possible for someone to video tape it? Perhaps he needs to see it to believe it and then he may be able to deal with it...also it may help the psych?

I was going to suggest the video recorder too. Best of luck with it though, sounds like a tough one. Let us know what happens.
we dont have an issue ourselves but my step sisters DS whos now 6 was the same as you described in your OP, doctors suggested drugs of all sorts even though they couldnt actually diagnose anything..so his mum said no (shes not into any drugs anyhow but def not without a diagnosis)

these are a few things shes done that made a HUGE difference and i mean huge

rid his diet of nearly all additives and junky foods, he still gets home made sweets or things like ice cream and custard etc, hes also alot more involved in choosing foods and helping to cook (this was a major thing..he suddenly went from a kid who couldnt hold attantion for a minute to concentrating intently whislt pouring and mixing and being careful with the stove..yes he helps cook hot food too, supervised of corse!)

put him in a physical sport..in his case rugby. twice a week. is a great out let for that excess energy AND its a greaat exercise.

and the biggy.. get rid of the tv. she put it in a cupboard and after hes asleep she gets it out and watches it if she wants to. he now loves comics instead.. maybe the over stimulation of the flashing images or something..no idea.

well hope that gives you a couple of ideas. but in his case we dont know of he even had a 'disorder' but these few changes have been phenominal (sp?) were pretty sure the changes shes made n\have made the difference as if he watches tv at all like at a friends house he goes back almost to his old self, same as when theres the season break for rugby (theyre trying to get him into nippers too). good luck hope you can sort things out it must be so hard on you XX
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