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  5. How much help do you get from your family?

How much help do you get from your family? Lock Rss

I am interested to see how much help you get from your family and friends?

My husband and I have a 1 year old and a 2 year old. My mother lives with us and helps out with the boys as much as she can... helps with feeding, bathing, dressing etc. Will look after them if I need to pop to the shops for something. We are so grateful for the help she gives us, she is amazing and has been such a great support. She spoils them rotten!

Apart from my mum we have no other help or offers of help from my husbands parents and their partners or other family and friends. I asked my brother in law to help my husband look after the boys while my mum and I went out for the day/night a a couple of weeks ago... We were gone for 7 hours and I found out my BIL was awake for 1.5 hours of that time. He was asleep when we left and asleep when we got home. I feel really let down by him and feel I can't trust him enough to consider looking after the boys by himself which he has dropped hints about quite often.

We've never had any offers of financial support regarding the boys. No offers of contributions to swimming lessons or activities etc from my husbands family. They make no effort to see them... I waited 6 months to see if I heard from them (which I didn't) before I contacted them to organise a catch up.

I guess I just want to know if this is normal... how much support do you get from your family? Am I expecting too much? I would have thought some interest would be shown in their lives?
I think it depends on what kind of relationship you have with your family. We have 3 year old twins and 3 sets of grandparents - my mum/stepdad, dad/stepmum and MIL/FIL. We both have siblings however I do not have contact with any except one sister but she is in Vic, my BIL occasionally bothers to ask how the kids are but he hasnt seen them in nearly a year.
We dont ask for anyone to mind the kids at night very often unless we have something like a wedding etc, so usually it is just us. I work thu/Fri and Sat morning. Thu/Fri is childcare and Sat morning my mum and inlaws rotate weekends to have them. We have never left them overnight either. My mum works every day so I dont like to ask her for any more and my inlaws live about 45 minutes away but they dont work as much so do offer if we ever want help. My dad/stepmum havent seen the kids since before xmas and dont make any effort with them, probably see them about 5 times a year for about a half hour visit and they never offer anything, they live about 10 minutes away, they do everything for 2 of my siblings, look after their kids all the time and will help them with anything.
We dont ask for anything money wise for things like swimming etc, but my mum and inlaws do buy the kids things like clothes whenever they are out shopping,and my inlaws always bring lunch when they come. They did offer to pay for my sons eye surgery but we didnt accept. I would never expect them to pay for anything, but accept the little gifts from them that we do appreciate. I would like my dad to take some sort of interest in them but at the same time as awful as it sounds I have no problem if I never saw him again, we just dont really have any sort of relationship. My children dont ever talk about them or warm to them too much and my dad always complains they get all funny when they see them and doesnt get why they arent all over them.
Jacqui86au wrote:
Both my parents and hubby's family live nearby. We have 6 kids under 5 including 2 sets of multiple. there always helping when they can


I think it's right for depends on what kind of relationship you have with your family
I don't expect any help financial or time and if I did get them to help I would pay them. Def not any of there responsibility unless they offer .
Thanks for all your replies.

I don't "expect" anything from them... I am just surprised with the lack of support, interest and involvement in their lives.

I would have imagined a grandparent (2 sets on my husbands side) would have liked to have some sort of relationship with their grandchildren. Our children don't even know who they are which I find really sad.

It is interesting to see everyone views on the topic smile. Thank you.
Not spending time is very unusual unless they live far away. Did u have a close relationship before has this Changed? That's a bit sad sad
One pair lives 15 minutes down the road. The other about 45 minutes away.

They have never been very loving parents to my husband so I really shouldn't be surprised. I just thought this might have changed them a little bit.

One set is quite happy to spend time with the step daughters children. Drive over an hour to see them every weekend but don't bother trying to see ours.

I guess I'll just have to let it go and move on and hope that they realise that they won't be popping in and out of our kids lives.
My inlaws live 4 hours away When my DD was born it took them over three month to visit. When the twins were born and they were boys only grandchildren that will carry the family name they were down in three days. Our twins were grandchildren 11 and 12. Our DD is now 9 and the twins are now 6 years old and I could count on two hands the number of times they have seen them. That has been thru us visiting not them coming to see us. Lucky to even get a phone call for birthdays. Not a surprise as my DH did not have a great childhood. My DH has 3 siblings and one has never seen the twins and only see DD once, another could count on one had the number of times and the last we used to see quite often but not so much now due to work. As others have said it depends on the family

My parents live 252meters away. Yes my DH has measured. When the kids were born both my parents were working full time so we got no support from them at all. When the twins were born they were in hospital for a month and they only came and visited them about 3 times. They are now retired and are more willing to look after them if we need it. Mind you it is never very often. They do see the kids at least once a week now. My kids have a great relationship with them. But I do not expect them to raise my kids. I had kids to care for and raise. They have already raised me not their job. I have a brother that I have not seen in over 12 months and has no involvement with my family.

I would never expect my family to offer financial support to raise my kids. My kids so swimming lessons and we pay for them our reasonability no ones else's. If we could not afford it they would not do it.

Was it hard having three kids under three without much support. Definitely. But we are raising our kids the best we can and only ask for help if we have no other option. Our kids our reasonability. In my opinion grandparents are to enjoy their grandkids and not be expected to raise them.

Just my opinion.


me+hub+3 wrote:
My inlaws live 4 hours away When my DD was born it took them over three month to visit. When the twins were born and they were boys only grandchildren that will carry the family name they were down in three days. Our twins were grandchildren 11 and 12. Our DD is now 9 and the twins are now 6 years old and I could count on two hands the number of times they have seen them. That has been thru us visiting not them coming to see us. Lucky to even get a phone call for birthdays. Not a surprise as my DH did not have a great childhood. My DH has 3 siblings and one has never seen the twins and only see DD once, another could count on one had the number of times and the last we used to see quite often but not so much now due to work. As others have said it depends on the family

My parents live 252meters away. Yes my DH has measured. When the kids were born both my parents were working full time so we got no support from them at all. When the twins were born they were in hospital for a month and they only came and visited them about 3 times. They are now retired and are more willing to look after them if we need it. Mind you it is never very often. They do see the kids at least once a week now. My kids have a great relationship with them. But I do not expect them to raise my kids. I had kids to care for and raise. They have already raised me not their job. I have a brother that I have not seen in over 12 months and has no involvement with my family.

I would never expect my family to offer financial support to raise my kids. My kids so swimming lessons and we pay for them our reasonability no ones else's. If we could not afford it they would not do it.

Was it hard having three kids under three without much support. Definitely. But we are raising our kids the best we can and only ask for help if we have no other option. Our kids our reasonability. In my opinion grandparents are to enjoy their grandkids and not be expected to raise them.

Just my opinion.


I'm not really sure where you got the impression of me wanting grandparents to raise my children? I am asking if it us unusual for them not to want a part of my kids lives? I would have thought they would like to babysit occasionally to bond with my kids or maybe actually see them?

Also... I don't "expect" financial help. I was asking if other peoples families contribute to their grandchildren in some way eg: buying a birthday or christmas present, money towards something?

I think you may have interpreted my post wrongly
Both sets of grandparents live close by, they babysit when we ask if they can (which isn't all that often) and both give birthday, easter and christmas presents to our kids. My mum likes to give bits and pieces too, like a book of stickers, a shirt or a little car etc.

However, they don't and I would never expect them to pay for extra curricular activities. We, like Mel, are the opinion of...if we can't afford it they don't have it.

Maybe your in laws don't want to be overbearing as in laws are reputed to be?
cuppie_cake wrote:
I'm not really sure where you got the impression of me wanting grandparents to raise my children? I am asking if it us unusual for them not to want a part of my kids lives? I would have thought they would like to babysit occasionally to bond with my kids or maybe actually see them?

Also... I don't "expect" financial help. I was asking if other peoples families contribute to their grandchildren in some way eg: buying a birthday or christmas present, money towards something?

I think you may have interpreted my post wrongly


If I took it the wrong way sorry. But you were asking for opinion and I gave mine. May be that is not what you want to hear.

No it is not unusual for grandparents to not be interested and want to be involved in their grandchildren's lives.

No I do not expect family to contribute and give presents etc for my kids birthdays, Christmas etc.

Maybe that is a bit clearer.


none, MIL has mr 3 for a few hours on a sunday and that is BLISS

i appreciate that break so freakin much

other than that my 21 year old student brother (who lives in a flat with what i gather is quite a few people)has offered to babysit a few times while i had chronic MS but i feel hes a bit young and appreciated him just offering (he probably just felt obliged too anyway, we are both in the same situation when it comes to total lack of any support from family)

wouldnt it be lovely if family offered to pay for things like swimming lessons! i wouldnt hold your breath...it is considered the parents job to provide all things for their children although i do understand where you are coming from...that be great hahaha who doesnt want the odd luxury here and there for their kids
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