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  5. HELP!!! I'M SOOOOOO NOT HANDLING THIS! WHY CAN'T I ACCEPT IT?

HELP!!! I'M SOOOOOO NOT HANDLING THIS! WHY CAN'T I ACCEPT IT? Lock Rss

Hi to you all. I am a mother of one, just turned three years of age with verbal dyspraxia and seeking sensory issues. I'm finding this soooooooooooooo hard to take in and accept. I am just finding it hard everyday keeping her busy because she is sooo active always moving aroung, tantrums over silly things like if I want to sit down she cries out UP! UP! UP! I am just so exhausted from everyday life. I know this isn't normal for me to be feeling this way and people are concerned for me because I am a little sensitive when it comes to my DD behaviour and I do cry so easily these days. I am ok really and have good days and bad days but I am just finding it hard dealing with her delayed speech and how she is grabbing kids hair at the moment and I feel so embarrassed and ashamed if you kow what I mean. Sorry is just not enough and I want her to stop but she isn't listening and I am finding it sooooo hard taking her anywhere because she just goes for their hair, then when I tell her that it's not acceptable I make her apologise to the girl or boy and then she does it again. Then she says sorry and goes to hug the person and she squeezes them so tightly. I just am finding being a first time mum so hard and I didn't expect it to be this hard. I know how naive of me to think parenting would be easy but compared to everyone else I know for them it is easy. I have such a strong willed lil girl who is stubborn with delayed speech and sensory seeking and I am just not coping. I know I love her soooooooooooooooooooooooo much and want to be the best ever mum but I feel like a failure and I sometimes wish I never had to go through this and wish I could turn back time. I feel so ashamed to say that but I do feel that way at times. Is there anyone else going through this with a child the same age? I am so ashamed I feel this way and even Hubby is mad with me because I google everything and then tell him she has this and she has that and he just doesn't want to know. All hubby says is She'll be right which so aggravates me sooooooooooooooo much because that's all I hear from him and I feel like I am left to do all the hard work on my own with absolutely NO SUPPORT! I feel alone and don't know how I am going to cope for all the years to come. I do look too far ahead but I am worried that she will have no friends and that she will never speak, never keep still long enough, and won't be able to communicate with anyone and will get bullied. I know I sound crazy but is there anyone else out there like me? Thanks soooooo much in advance. I am so sorry my post is so long. Thankyou to you all. XOX

~ *MO 1* ~

Hello,
Reading your post brought tears to my eyes. I feel so much for you. I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. I haven't read any of your previous posts, but just from reading this one, I feel that you are a wonderful Mum trying to do your best under very difficult circumstances. I think a lot of people might feel the same way as you if in the same situation. Try not to doubt yourself (hard I know! - we all do that really well from time to time).

I can't say that I am experiencing what you are going through. I've had different challenges but I can empathise with you.

I know what you mean about being embarrassed if you child hurts another one. I feel the same way when my 2 1/2 son pushes or hits another child. I do what you do and make him say sorry.It doesn't stop me feeling embarrassed though. You sound like you're doing just the right thing. It's not your fault these things happen smile

I'm a big 'googler' myself when trying to find out reasons for why things are the way they are (especially health related). Sometimes I think internet can be a bad thing but it's a good thing too when trying to get 'good information'.

Do you have a good relationship with your child community nurse? Have you discussed your concerns with her or a doctor? You do need support. Maybe talk to your community nurse or doctor about how you are feeling and what your concerns for your daughter are. They might be able to help in some way. I've also heard of PPP parenting courses that are meant to be good (you might pick up some good tips). Some churches might have help available to you too (eg Anglicare).

I'm probably not much help, but I just wanted to reply to your post to let you know that I feel for you.

Hopefully you'll get more responses and there might be someone else going through what you are at the moment and offer some really good advice.

Heidi
xoxo
Thankyou sooooooooooooooooooooo much Heidi. You are wonderful!

I do love my community child nurse but I so stubborn and find it hard asking for help and also I find it hard telling people that I'm not coping. I know I have to change and realise that there is help but I'm just so tired from being a mother. My DD was so unsettled as a bub and people kept saying "Don't worry it will get easier" but I am finding it's getting harder at three. I have to just hang in there and try to keep positive and STOP! Googling hehe I think I'm driving my hubby bonkers hehe Well it's usually him driving me bonkers so I will try to keep my chin up and Yes I think I will do the PPP course like you said. Worth a try, even if I can take a few tips that would help so Thanks so much Heidi for you message. So much appreciated and you definately have helped with with your kind words.

Take care

XOXOXO

~ *MO 1* ~

Hi...
I think you need to talk to someone, be it your Community Child Nurse or a GP or family/friend... whatever. From the very limited insight into your life it sounds as if you're really struggling. I had PND for the first year of my daughter's life and I too was very stubborn and refused to talk to anyone or accept that I needed help. Once I did make that plunge though, I found that it really helped. And I'm not saying that you are sick, but I think the biggest favour you could do for yourself right now is to talk to someone trusted and be completely and totally honest about how you've been feeling.
It doesn't make you weak or a failure to be doing it tough or not coping. In fact, I think it takes a strong person to ask for help when they need it.
Good luck, and I hope things start looking brighter for you soon.
Kellie
Hi Kellie,

Thankyou for your advice. I sure will try to talk to someone and stop being so stubborn. That's definately the Taurus in me hehe Thankyou!

Take care
Alex xoxoxo

~ *MO 1* ~

HI

I have been in a similar situation with a child who had extremely delayed speech and sensory issues, he has been given a whole heap of titles over the years.

What you are feeling in your situation is normal and you will have plenty of days were you feel like this. It is frustrating, overwhelming and so easy to think it will never get better or never end.

My son was also extremely active, was easily frustrated because he could not explain himself and some days would have tantrums that went on for hours.


Posted by: ~ *Alexandra* ~ 3
I feel alone and don't know how I am going to cope for all the years to come. I do look too far ahead but I am worried that she will have no friends and that she will never speak, never keep still long enough, and won't be able to communicate with anyone and will get bullied.


I too remember days were I would cry to my husband thinking my son would never be able to tell us he loved us, never have friendships, never go to a proper school, the list goes on. But he does go to a normal school, his best friend lives down the street and he seems very happy. He still can not sit still long enough, but what child does. LOL!!

Get as much help as you can, as early as you can. Start now and get involved in everything. It will be hard but it helps so much. Find out every group you can go to for speech, sensory issues and dyspraxia (if they have a group near you). It helps a lot being around others who understand and can tell you they have the same fears and worries and frustration. Feeling like this does not mean you do not love her, just that some days it is tough and all parents have been there.

If it does get too much, please see your doctor, get family to babysit (even just your husband) and have some time for yourself. Even if it is just for a coffee in peace, it all helps.

PM me if you would like to chat to someone who had been there and done that (or still doing it!!). I am happy to help if I can.

Take care of yourself
Shell
It's great to see more supportive feedback for you smile

I've been thinking a bit more..... would activities like toddler gymnastics (YMCA hold classes), dancing, gymbaroo, kindamusic, swimming etc help? It might be a good way of helping her to release her energy.

I also find it very hard asking for and accepting help. I had PND for the first 7 months after my son was born. When I finally got help, it made life so much easier. There is no shame whatsoever in asking for help. No-one would expect a person to be able to do a job without study or training. The same applies to being a Mum (especially a first time Mum). So take all the help you can. I'm glad you have a good relationship with your community child nurse. Just open up to her and she will be able to help in some way smile

Take care
Heidi
xoxo

Soooooo great to receive such positive feedback Heidi. I feel so much better now.

I think gymnastics sounds great. I shall give that a go for sure. Thanks so much once again for all of your help Heidi. You really have helped me so much. Thanks for taking the time to reply to my problem. Very much appreciated.

Have a lovely weekend
Alex xoxoxo

~ *MO 1* ~

Hi Shell,

Thankyou for your message. Geez it's hard this speech delay/sensory issues.

I think you are soooooo right that I need some timeout even just out for a coffee alone would really do wonders especially for the mind.

I think we should all have timeout which I never have so everyday constant full on is enough to make you go crazy so Yes
I think I need more me time and have to start asking for help.

I just feel like I don't want to impose on anyone and I shouldn't feel that way but I do.

I know I have to change big time and put myself first sometimes instead of last. It's always my child then hubby then me and we all forget about ourselves being mothers so I must start to change things so I feel less anxious.

I hope she does improve quick Hehe I am the type that wants things not now but yesterday hehe so I do have to try to be more patient with the dyspraxia.

I have to learn to be patient. Not easy for me.

Thanks so much Shell for taking the time to help me out. I really appreciate it soooo much.

I hope all is well with your son and I hope your life is much easier now.

Have a lovely weekend
Alex xoxoxo

~ *MO 1* ~

HI Alex

I am glad to hear you are feeling a little better, just getting it out and hearing other peoples opinions can be great.

Heidi´s ideas for gymnastics and swimming are great. Which state are you in?? Some states have special 1 on 1 swimming lessons for kids with sensory issues which are great. They do things at their own pace and you do not have to worry about her hurting other kids while she waits in line.

Make sure you do take time out, I still having trouble taking help that people offer, I think everyone finds it hard.

My son is much better now, thankyou for asking, most people who meet him now would never know he had any issues. I look back on those days when he was around 3-4 and wonder how I coped, but I did!! You will find that once her speech improves so will some other things. So much of it can just be pure frustration at people not be able to understand you, I know I would feel like that in her position.

Good luck and look after yourself.

Shell
Hi Shell,

Oh thanks so much for asking about me again. You are so sweet and so is everyone else. You know I do feel so much better and honestly it's because of all of you helping me out. It sure does make a huge difference just talking to you all. I really am grateful.

Yes I love Heidi's ideas. I will try both and I love the idea of the swimming one on one which I loooooove so I will definately find out where and when.

I'm from W.A, northern suburbs.

I am sooooooo happy to hear that your son is so much better. That sure does give me hope let me tell you.

Yes people keep telling me that once her speech improves, she will then improve. I bloody well hope so hehe

Thanks again Shell

I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo grateful to you all soooooooooooooooooooooooo much

Alex
XOXOXO

~ *MO 1* ~

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