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Bully at one!!!!! Lock Rss

Hi i just need to vent and maybe get some info. I took my 1yr old daughter to Kindy Gym this morning (it was really busy and very loud) and like last week she didn't really like it. This is her third time of going the first time she loved it last week was teething and this week she was as happy as in the car but...I put down on one of the big mats to play and a little girl crawled over and she just cracked it as she didn't want the girl near her same thing happened on the trampoline. She was happy crawling around on her own (she's not walking yet) and then spotted one of those bead things on the plastic wire?? She was happy playing on her own when a little boy came over to play too! She was ok for a few moments and then she pushed him as if to say "I'm playing with this go away!" he didn't move because he was bigger than her so she started to cry and look at me. Then she hit him not hard but still... i picked her up and said no you dont hit but it was too late his mother had already come over and she said "My what a little bully we have! (she wasn't angry) and asked me her age. She then asked if she had any siblings and I said no. (We've been trying and I had a MC in March.) She said she would probably benefit from a sibling to learn some patience!!! I agreed and just took my still upset darling girl away. She was happy to play on some other equiptment until another kid came and got in her space when she started to cry again... We then went home where she was more than happy to play on her own till lunch time about 30 mins! She does snatch toys and if something doesn't go her way then she crys. I intervene when needed and as I am a teacher (on mat leave)am big on the sharing and playing nicely thing to prepare her for school.
Can my one year old be a bully!! And what can you do??
Mummy Nat
All I can say is WOW! But then I guess the mother of the boy is perfect and he never hits/pushes/bites anyone. roll eyes

To answer your question NO your DD is NOT a bully at the tender age of 12 months and for anyone to suggest that she should have any patience at that age needs their head examining. She is learning that her actions have reactions, yet her brain is not developed enough to realise that not everything she wants/can do she should and that not everything is hers. I've done heaps of reading on child development and from what I have read the ability to share, and I mean wanting to share isn't developed until at least the age of 3 so even if they have shared in the past, they might not ever do it again. We don't force sharing in this house...though DS2 who is nearly 3 will happily share with his big brother and sometimes without being asked.

Distraction is usually the 'best' thing to do at this age. So if she is doing something unsafe or that you don't want her to then gently remove her and try and distract her with something else. IMO people like to throw the word bully around like it has no meaning, when in reality the things that are now called bullying weren't called that when I was growing up.

Since when has having a sibling made 1 year olds more patient??? this woman has irritated me.

When DD was one she was very similar it's about them learning to share, and letting them know that not everything is their's, playing with other kids teaches them you don't need a sibling!

She is now nearly 2 and shares everything with other kids, if anything the tables have turned and it's other kids taking from her, she just walks away and finds something else to play with.

What an idiot this woman is, how insensative, she didn't know you from adam and considering you had an MC earlier in the year that in itself probably upset you.
I can guarantee you your daughter is not a bully, she's simply assertive.

It a good trait to have at an early age as it means she will not be bullied herself. The key now is to teach her how to stand up for herself without hurting the other child.

DS2 is 10months and has been able to shake his head "no" since he was 6 months. When someone does something he doesn't like he shakes his head. If they continue balls his hands into fists puts his arms out in front of himself, tenses right up and screams. It's his way of saying "it's mine". Teaching your child how to say "no" is a good thing as it's diplays to others what they want and its understood.

Bullying is generally learnt behaviour usually from a parent or a sibling that hasn't been kurbed. There are children you will encounter that can't be encouraged to share is a short time and the other parent won't intervene. In these situations, move away.

I don't believe distraction is necessarily the best thing as then you aren't teaching the children how to resolve the conflict. Alternatively, sit with the children and show them how to share using positive language. Use affection to show when they have done the right thing, especially if the sharing isn't prompted.

I've had 7 years of working in Day Care and have done additional training in Child Development in children 0-12years and children with Special Needs.

I agree with C_Hippie, it is simply not possible for a 1 year old to be a bully.

What your little girl is doing is totally normal, they do not "play with" other children at this age, nor do they have consideration for other childrens feelings. That woman is a complete and utter ning nong so dont listen to a word she's said.

I dont think you can teach a 1 year old how to resolve conflict so agree that at this age distraction is a good technique. Social skills take many years to develop, yes by all means you should promote sharing - but it is unrealistic to think you can teach a 1 year old this. An older child yes, but at 1 its a long road and you should take into account their emotional and mental development and not expect too much.
Thanks Girls
I know her "play" is all normal it just peed me off that this woman was so insensitive. I should have lied and said to her that my dd was an IVF baby and that we couldn't have any more! that would have shut her up!! Thanks for yopu replies though they made me feel much better. Today I discovered her bottom back teeth emerging so no onder she didn't feel like socialising.
Happy days to all.
I agree - your child is NOT a bully! Some women annoy me no end! IMO your child has indicated that she is unhappy and her child has not recognised the signs so she reacted the only way a baby knows how - lashing out with cries and tears and fists.

The only thing you can do is continue to teach 'nice' behaviour the same as we all do with our kids. Good job on staying calm with the woman!
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