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hi my name is angela and im using my friends computer. i have a 19 mths old boy in the past week i feel like want to kill him he has huge tantrums all the time non stop.whinging he hits me spits on me throw things at me iv'e tried everythink i tried to get down to his level and tell him in a firm voice to stop and put him straight in time out i tried smacking him he just hits me back i yell at him i tried every thing got any ideas

I have 3 boys!!!

You poor thing, tantrums are right up for things not to look forward to. I must admit my DD(2) is fairly well behaved and her tantrums generally stem from not getting what she wants but what i do is tell her no and i tell her to go to bed, if she doesnt go i pick her (not in a cuddly way) and put her on her bed and tell her to stop carrying on... then i walk out close the door and leave her there til the noise stops (about 10 mins) then before she is allowed out i make her say sorry and give me a cuddle & apologise to anyone else that was there when she had a tantrum. My DD used to laugh at me when i yelled at her until i started doing this.

The most important thing is to be consistent.

Also is he sleeping well (my DD turned into a bit of a monster when she dropped the day sleep so i put it back in and she was sooooo much better).

Is he teething?

Leanne, Eliza Jade 17/1/05

Hi Angela, I've been having simular experiences with my 19mth old, I have tried the yelling and smacking, but really it has only made her worse. The only thing I have found to work is completely ignoring her when she's having a tantrum, when she seems to have calmed (usually a good 5 mins) I approach her and ask her to say sorry, then wait for her to come to me, if she smacks or kicks me, I tell her she makes mummy sad when she does this, put on a sad face and walk off on her. As for the whinging, what ever I am doing I try to include her in and it seems to make her happier. I have been trying all this for a couple weeks and her tantrums have seemed to have gotten better. Also does he sleep well? My angel refuses so I can only think that she is like this cause she's tired?? Good luck with it all, surely they can't be like this forever, I just keep thinking they are strong willed and hopefully they will learn to deal with their emotions as they grow!

Belinda, VIC, Ava 15/10/2005

hmm my son does all this as well he's 2 1/2 now though so a bit older than your bub.. but he's only started the tantys in the last few months... but im at a loss aswell of what to do... ive tried the naughty corner, smacks, yelling, talking, ignoring him, its just that nothing works now he knows when i tell him to stop doing somthing and i like count 1, 2, 3 ... when i get to 3 he comes up and says sorry and gives me a cuddle .... THEN goes straight back to doing what he just got in trouble for.... soooo annoying
im afraid that you just have to let them grow out of it, thats been my experience anyway nothing i ever did with#1 worked and nothing im doing with #2 is working so i just ignore them when they have a tanti and when they do something naughty i rouse on them and take them away from the situation. it seems like a long wait but soon your littlun will be old enough to understand hes being naughty and will be "punished" for lack of a better word.
My daughter is 2 years old in a couple of weeks and when she is being naught I will just walk away from her and make out that I cant hear her or I tell her in a sten voice that I am very disappointed in her and the way that she is acting and it isnt nice for a young girl to act the way she is at that moment and sometimes it works and other time it doesnt and after she has calm down I will tell her to say sorry and than we make up by giving each other a kiss and cuddle.

Tracey,Jaye (girl)12/06/05, Sam (boy)10/07/09

Hi there. I too get so frustrated with my beautiful 2yo boy. I've had a few bad days, he just pushes me and no amount of calmly telling him to put things down, put things away, stop jumping on the lounge etc etc, does anything. I feel that sometimes I have no control, and it makes me depressed. Lately when I'm with other mothers I see their happy faces and I feel like bursting into tears as I just feel tired and stressed by my beautiful boy. By the way he has no behavioural problem, he's just a normal toddler boy. Please tell me I'm not alone with my feelings of inadequacy?
Hi Lucy & all the other frustrated Mums,

I'm a Mum to 4 children (7,5,3,1) and I totally understand where you are coming from. With my first born, I was able to laugh the two times he TRIED to have a tantrum - I say tried, because it was only after he saw his best friend have one he even realised they were posible. When I laughed, he thought he was doing something funny & I proceded to tickle him - I must say though, it was at home & they were pittiful attempts.

My second son didn't have tantrums - he's very easy going.

My daughter had them from 18mths to almost 3yrs old! Her longest tantrum lasted 3 1/2 hours & during that time I had to go to both Daycare & school to collect my two boys & this meant leaving home, putting her in & out of car seats & walking in public with her - I was only able to do it because I ignored the tantrum & got on with what I had to do.

What I usually did with her was to sit her in her room until she had calmed down enough to say sorry - the sorry wasn't for the tantrum but rather for the hit/kick/scream in face things that went along with it. Mostly her tantrums were over nothing - eg: putting on shoes to go outside in the rain. Looking back on that time, I realise she was undergoing major changes developmentally, physically, emotionally, etc & she had no way of being able to explain all these changes.

I never put up with bad behaviour & I think this is different to a tantrum. That might sound strange, but with my Angel, it was different & I could always find out why she was naughty (not getting her own way, etc) As for smacking, I don't advise it (I'm not anti-smacking) simply because I don't think it works for tantrums. The child is usually in such an emotional state that they are unable to comprehend what the smack is for. Does that make sense?

What I can say now though, is my daughter is now almost 4yrs old & no-one believes I had almost a year of horrible tantrums. She is a sweet girl who communicates wonderfully with me & a 5min time out is more than adequate 'punishment' for any naughty she commits. Children do grow out of it, but its important to remember it is part of their development - so much is going on in their little bodies that its a time of confusion & probably a bit scary also. Acting out is their only answer because they can't put it into words - I say all this in retrospect of my Angel.

Mostly, keep your sanity & don't put up with bad behaviour. Understand, communicate & love & you'll all come out on the other side happier & closer.


You are not alone! One thing I've discovered is that as a whole, we don't tell each other a lot of the bad stuff we are all experiencing and therefore we think we are the only ones going through it.

Is there someone you trust that you can talk to? If not, call the Tresillian 24hr phone number (in NSW) or talk to your Early Childhood Nurse - the important part is you need to talk.

We all get frustrated, angry, tired, fed up, etc with our darling children & unfortunately until we have a child, we don't know how hard it really is. It is Hard and its okay to admit this.

Please seek out help and a shoulder. I'm also wondering how much sleep you are getting - this can have a big impact on how we feel and react. I've just returned from a Tresillian because my darling wasn't in a good pattern and I was getting teary, frustrated, overwhelmed, etc with everyone and everything. After two weeks of sleep and routine, I now feel so much better. I was also able to talk with a counsellor there. It helped a lot.

For now though, know that you aren't alone & help is available.


Hi Angela
This is going to sound like an ad, but I found this FANTASTIC book that you have to read, it's called
She's raised her own six children and has worked many years in child care. It's funny, easy to read and to relate to. It reminds you of all the things you know, but don't remember in the face of your tantruming toddler.
It changed my outlook and made a huge difference to the quality of my life because now I can see the light at the end of the tantrum tunnel and I have strategies to help me deal with the hardest of behaviours.
I can't speak highly enough about this book. I found it at the local library - and when I find it at a bookstore I'm going to buy it in bulk!!
Good Luck
[Edited on 13/06/2007]

Devoted to Rohan 3 & Sofia 18 mnths

Sorry about the multiple posts - I'm new at this and I've lost a few replies to the cyber vacuum. Not sure how I managed to submit four times!??!
[Edited on 13/06/2007]

Devoted to Rohan 3 & Sofia 18 mnths

And you know, once they're submitted there's no deleting them...
[Edited on 13/06/2007]

Devoted to Rohan 3 & Sofia 18 mnths

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