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Help needed - I'm desperate..... Lock Rss

I have asked so many friends and family members plus not to mention posted on other forums but no-one seems to be able to give me some advice I don't already know.

I'm desperate as we are trying once again to train our now 4yr old boy. I have tried things in the past but he hasnt been interested so from what I have read, it says "not" to force them and we will know when they are ready. He's now 4!!!

Yes I know I should have just persisted a long time ago, when he was 2.5 his baby brother was born (7 wks prem) so I was busy then had a rough few mths with new bubby then honestly it slipped my mind. I lived interstate, no family or real friends to remind me so yeah I stuffed up & know it.

NOW, he has been in undies for 10 days, tomorrow is the 11th day and even though at day 1 he didnt want to wear undies, he got over it. Then he started weeing himself but then grabbing new dry undies etc that I had on the bench for him, then he let me try help him wee with the potty as his 18mth old brother often sits on it. The wee didnt come out but at least he tried twice that day & let me help him!

THEN that night he wanted to poo, it had been days and I wasnt home so DH said no when he wanted his undies on after his evening bath - we put him in his night time pull ups. He then wanted an old nappy so again no!

In the end he had this huge tantrum, vomited and ever since, hasnt wanted to even try sit on the toilet. Not that he ever did a wee to begin with but at least he was siting on it here and there.

Now he wee's all the time in his undies, doesnt seem to care but tries to hold his wee in for hours which I guess is a step forward? He also holds his poos in for 3-4 days.

I have a rewards chart, I bribe him with his favorite lollies, have a nice train toilet seat and poster in the toilet. I dont know what else I can try? I broke down yesterday (not in front of him). He's weeing everywhere and seems to have NO interest at all. I have him booked in for daycare but dont want to start until he's trained.

I feel like I have no-one to talk to or noone can give me any positive feedback etc and it's tough on me too.

I feel for him as I know it's all new but wonder how long it may take for him to even gain confidence to sit & wee in the toilet????

ANY advice, suggestions are greatly appreciated x
I kno you have probably tried everything, i guess just a sugestion.... my ds started wetting a lot but he really knew what he was doing so when he wet them i would wait a couple of mins before changing him i would take him every halfa hour to the toilet wether he said je wanted to go or not, i also took him to the shops to choose his own umdies and we bought " daddys undies" the kind his daddy wears.. maybe something little like that would help him along
Not sure so just asking... are you taking him to the loo on a regular basis or are you waiting for him to tell you he needs to go? Just asking because in my experience they never tell you they need to go, you have to tell them its toilet time and take them every hour at least. We have books in the loo and I'll read a book to my little one (nearly 2 1/2) while she sits on the loo - seems to work as she'll sit there long enough to do something if distracted with a book.
I gave the food coloring idea a go the other day (great idea and thank you) however, he was "more" than happy to venture into the bathroom and watch me do it, just not willing to actually sit on the loo or do a wee...

I also started holding off a few minutes in regards to changing him into clean undies and pants but must admit, there where a few times last week were he didnt seem to care but then other times he'd tell me straight way & would want out of the wet clothes there & then. He even just grabs the spare clothes from the table & starts to get changed himself.

The sad thing is, I know and he knows he's busting to go but just doesnt want to go to the toilet. I ask him every 20-30 minutes but he seriously wont go & it's not like I can drag him there sad

He also has his fav Thomas and Chuggington undies among others but doesnt seem too fussed about the type he's wearing as he chooses his undies (that I have sitting on the table) each time he wets.

I've also told him many times that mummy will read you books while you sit on the loo or sing you songs..... He STILL wont physically go to the bathroom. Among many many other things, we're getting no-where.

He has weed once this morning before I changed him out of his night time pull up but no wee since & we both know he needs to go sooner than later.

I am seeing a health nurse tomorrow, other than that, I just dont know what to do as like I said before, I cant force the poor child to go to the toilet unsure
gees - hugs for you. TT'ing is the pits when you have a stubborn child!

What about trying the tact of saying that big boys need to use the toilet & make it into a game of him needing to teach your younger son how to use the toilet? Maybe? kinda like big brother teaching little brother something & having some responsibility?

Good luck

gees - hugs for you. TT'ing is the pits when you have a stubborn child!

What about trying the tact of saying that big boys need to use the toilet & make it into a game of him needing to teach your younger son how to use the toilet? Maybe? kinda like big brother teaching little brother something & having some responsibility?

Good luck



Thanks Chiliwoman, yes he is stubborn thats for sure!
Funny thing is, his younger brother is more than willing to sit on the toilet, no fuss at all. He loves it, when I say come on Jake (our youngest) lets go to the toilet, he runs and gets so excited!!!

But, I spoke to a health nurse on the 24 hr line the other day & she told me to stop getting his younger brother up there as its the wrong thing to do huh

So.....feels like I'm doing everything but nothing seems to work with my boy unsure

Thanks Chiliwoman, yes he is stubborn thats for sure!
Funny thing is, his younger brother is more than willing to sit on the toilet, no fuss at all. He loves it, when I say come on Jake (our youngest) lets go to the toilet, he runs and gets so excited!!!

But, I spoke to a health nurse on the 24 hr line the other day & she told me to stop getting his younger brother up there as its the wrong thing to do huh

So.....feels like I'm doing everything but nothing seems to work with my boy unsure



**sigh**
why would you want to stop the 18month old getting on the toilet?? argh. would make sense to me to have him getting up there. that is very frustrating.

Persistence is definitely the key with TT'ing. I know its frustrating, but one of those things that's gotta be done! He's at big school next year (?) & will need to be TT'd before then.

Have you tried the ping pong ball with a face drawn on it in the toilet bowl? Instead of making him sit down to wee, maybe start to train him standing up - like dad does - maybe get dad to help out a bit on this one - the idea is to aim at the ping pong ball?

I dunno mate, that's the only other thing that i have in my mummy vault!

**sigh**
why would you want to stop the 18month old getting on the toilet?? argh. would make sense to me to have him getting up there. that is very frustrating.

Persistence is definitely the key with TT'ing. I know its frustrating, but one of those things that's gotta be done! He's at big school next year (?) & will need to be TT'd before then.

Have you tried the ping pong ball with a face drawn on it in the toilet bowl? Instead of making him sit down to wee, maybe start to train him standing up - like dad does - maybe get dad to help out a bit on this one - the idea is to aim at the ping pong ball?

I dunno mate, that's the only other thing that i have in my mummy vault!



Tell me about it darl, we thought we were doing a good thing...???
Connor missed out on kinder this year by 2 weeks so preppie is still a bit away however, we do have him enrolled into daycare 1 day so far this year but will turn into 2 so we really want to have him trained before then however - dont want other children picking on him and we all know what kids are like!!!

Hun I havent tried the ping pong ball but have thought about it. Can you believe though.....when I had my nice long conversation with the health nurse, she also said not to train them standing up - make then sit down lol!!!!! What to do???? I am soooo frustrated but not showing it in front of my little man. Only to my hubby, poor guy!!!

It was soooo upsetting though tonight - he kept crying, complaining about his bottom, obviously he is constipated or something as he's not pooing regular... I told him to have a bath to feel better & within 1 minute was screaming in there & doing a poo then wanted out.

My poor boy.....I feel for him but obviously will never go back to nappies.....I'm stuck with ideas???

Hi there

Like the ping pong ball idea, you can also buy these things called "wee targets" not sure where to buy them but have seen them online before (just google them). Prob more expensive and just the same as the ping pong ball but these look like little targets you put in your loo, different colours and designs. I have a girl so have never bought them but thought they would be cool for a boy. Good luck smile


I'm also going to look into this - I just want to try anything because so far....nothing is working for me....

Thank you every one so far though xx
HI!

Sounds like your doing great trying new things and doing really well with the younger one. Well done!! grin

Personally, I wouldn't stop the younger child from using the toilet. why undo all your hard work???

Do you think the 4yr old could maybe be scared of the toilet? Perhaps you've gone too far with all the stimulation and too much emphasis on the toilet that he is just as stressed about it as you and it makes him nervous or not like the toilet? Like maybe it's become too much of a big overwhelming thing? It's just a suggestion.

If you think that is the case maybe you could try toning it down? Perhaps go back to using the potty only and pullups only so he has one structured system like a new begining. Then when he gets stable with that and learns to at least go happily to the potty, you could re-introduce jocks and when he has a bit better hang on that re-introduce the toilet.

what made me think of it was you saying he was holding on as long as he possibly could. It makes me think he is dreading using the toilet so he is putting it off. Like when they bed wet becuase it's dark and they are to affraid to get up incase of monsters. lol.

Just and idea. I hope you get it sorted because I understand it can feel like a nightmare that never ends, lol. grin




OOOHHH... INTERNET FIGHT. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? CAPS LOCK ME TOO DEATH?
(Noddy's not fat ffs!)

Rinse him off under a cold hose or shower love, I know it sounds horrible but it is very effective! Have clean knickers/pants and towel ready to go before, give him a quick COLD hose/shower off to clean off wees or poos and quickly dry him and dress him again. Do it each time and make it clear calmly and unquestionably/mater-of-factly that this is what happens when he keeps doing this and he will get the picture very soon! It works and doesnt take long.

Rinse him off under a cold hose or shower love, I know it sounds horrible but it is very effective! Have clean knickers/pants and towel ready to go before, give him a quick COLD hose/shower off to clean off wees or poos and quickly dry him and dress him again. Do it each time and make it clear calmly and unquestionably/mater-of-factly that this is what happens when he keeps doing this and he will get the picture very soon! It works and doesnt take long.

gasp really??????
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