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Co-Sleeping Lock Rss

My daughter is 15 months old and has always found her way into our bed by about 10pm. We love it! We all have a good nights sleep and the cuddles during the night and in the morning are so cute!
My problem is I feel guilty about it. I feel like a failure as a mum because she wont sleep all night in her cot. I suppose this is due to the fact that it's "not by the book!" How silly! I cant shake the guilt or failure feeling, especially when people find out she sleeps most of the night with us. I get that "ohhhh" response.
How can I combat this feeling of failure? I dont know if I am right in what we are doing? Arrhhhhhgggg MOTHERS GUILT!!
Thanks all.

Well speaking as someone who wishes, at times, that she was still bed sharing I say if YOU and YOUR family are happy stuff what anyone else says. I've done just about all the 'no-no' things this time and none of us have 'suffered' for it. I reckon if it feels right for you and your family then do it.

There's too much mummy guilt out there, and if it wasn't this it would be something else. LOL I learned to accept that I can only do what I can do based on the information I have at the time and if I learn something that might make me reconsider then I think about it.

So if you said I'm not happy that she is in our bed and I want her out but kept doing it because you thought that OTHER people thought you should then IMO that is 'wrong'. But you're happy, she's obviously happy so I'd go with it for as long as you're happy to do it. I've gotten really good at either not commenting on what they are doing (got the 'you're STILL feeding him?' in reference to my then 18 month old like I was abusing him or something)or I smile and say something like "we love the snuggles and I'll miss them when they are gone" or "I'd rather feed him at 2am and know that he's NOT hungry than leave him to scream the house down and wonder if he's hungry or not" because someone said he shouldn't NEED a feed in the night at 9 months.....usually shuts people up. LOL

Seriously though, as long as I know I am doing the best things I can for MY family I could care less what anyone else thinks about what I do.

I dont think you are a failure - I think it sounds lovely. I listened to lots of people with Roy (19 months) and would never let him come into our bed. Now I regret it cause I think the thought of cuddles in the early morning sound wonderful. If Roy wakes now I have to stay with him in his room cause he will not sleep in mine and hubby's bed - he plays. Dont listen to what anyone else thinks do what in your heart feels right and from the beginning of your message it sounds to me everything is pretty much perfect!
If you are all happy with the situation then who cares about "the book".

This time is precious and the cuddles are delicious hey. Our girls wont sleep if they are in with us so we dont co sleep but on the odd occasion our eldest has come in (frightened from a storm or something) its been nice to cuddle up smile
Ooooo, I am sooooo jealous!! Our DS used to LOVE sleeping in our bed & we stupidly listened to those people that told us what bad habits it would create, etc, so fought with DS for weeks to get him to sleep in his own cot. Of course, now that is the ONLY place he'll sleep & our bed is now play for him, so cuddles are gone completely. This devastates me & I wish desperately that I could know what I know now & go back & change things. The only consellation I have is that we fed or rocked DS to sleep until he decided he didn't need it anymore & that was how we got our cuddles. But even that is now fading fast as DS becomes more dependant & wants to put himself to bed!! I say treasure it & WHO CARES what other mums think!!!!! I think it's beautiful & like I said, I'm very jealous!!!!!! Don't even worry about the guilt!!!! If it's right for your family & you're all enjoying it, then it's right for you!!! smile

with my ds (now 22 months) he never slept in our bed. He HAD to be put to sleep, there was no hugs or cuddles to sleep. I did everything by the book with him sleep wise because he needed it. He would not sleep otherwise and hated to be rocked and cuddled.

with my dd (now 3.5 months) it is a different story. yes, she sleeps in her cot, but at about 5am she wakes and comes in with mummy and daddy and sleeps til 6.30-7.00. she will not go back to sleep in her cot. And i LOVE it.

So i have done it both ways with 2 very different children. And if i had to be honest, i would definately have preferred that my ds was a snuggly newborn. I am just lucky that now he is becoming a snuggly toddler :0)

If it is not bothering you or your family, then continue how you are...
Thanks again everyone!
I have given up thinking too much about it now! I am pregnant with number 2 and I am too sick to care!!
She is also deaf, so I think I need to cut her some slack!! Must be scary when you wake in a dark room and you cant hear! Poor thing!
Perhaps its time to upgrade the size of our bed!!

Good on you. I co-slept with my first daughter for 3 years and we all slept better and more soundly, I was hardly ever cranky and she never woke in the night. With DD2 I never put her in my bed and she wakes in the night still sometimes at 23 months and she has unsettled sleeps. When we recently went away I slept with DD2 and she had the best night sleeps.

If it works and everyone is happy, then who's business is it if you are doing. Keep going it makes you have a strong bond with your kids.

DD1 - 09.02.04 DD2 - 19.10.07

You are doing NOTHING wrong. It's about personal preference eg. DH and my bed is our bed and I like to keep it that way however if it works for you and you enjoy it, please do not feel guilty.

I have learnt after 2 children not to listen to anybody else. You are the mother and as I said if it works, you're happy, the kids are happy that's all that matters.

Gee there are some parents out there that beat their kids and sometimes have killed them. Those are the bad parents who should feel guilty.

Relax smile

I agree with all the other posts. Our 14 mth old always wakes between 4 and 5 am and we put him straight into bed with us (he's still in a cot in our room)!! And we love waking up to his noises and cuddles in the morning. I beat myself up for months whether I should be doing this and my DF said we all love and he is happy and that is what matters.

I think (and Im sure Im not the only one looking at the responses)that we carry our precious cargo for 9 months. We give birth why should we and the baby not enjoy the warmth and comfort of each other. They need to be nurtured held and above all feel safe and secure. And having the kids in bed is a beautiful thing to wake up to.

For many months I tried to do things by the book and all it did was make me and DD upset. If we go on our instincts our kids will hopefully grow up knowing that mum and dad will always be there if needed.

I think we should all congratulate ourselves for standing alone and doing what feels right for us. Too many people are quick to tell us what we doing wrong but be happy with what you are doing feels right. They all too soon grow up and will be telling us where to go!!!!!
hi ShanH,
My DD is also 15months old and from the first day she was born we have co-slept. I agree that we all sleep better together and she was breast fed for 13months so co-sleeping just made sense.
I also went through a stage of guilt but then i read up about the benefits of co-sleeping and now i just do what feels right for us and i wouldn't have it any other way.
Sometimes my partner will say to me "she should be in her cot" i say, who says? Society? In many parts of the world eg. China, babies and kids co-sleep and its the norm.
It makes me so happy to wake up next to my little one every day and see her smiling face.

dd has slept in our room ( now just mine as dp & i are seperated) in her own bed pretty much since birth & she is 2.5 years now! She went into her own room for a few months but if she ever woke up during the night she was straight back in bed with us & straight back to sleep. I sleep (& so does she) SO much better with her in the same room as me so i moved her back into our room. especailly now that its just the two of us living together. She went through a stage when dp & i where breaking up & sleeping in seperate rooms where she slept in my bed but she is such a shit to sleep with now as she kicks & moves around so much so i just moved her bed back into my room & it hasnt been moved out since.We both sleep so much better & we are happy & harldy ever tired.

I say who cares what society says if it works for you & makes you happy then just do it!
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