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MIL makes me feel insecure Lock Rss

I need to release the anxiety that is building inside of me over my MIL. Yesterday she announced that they would be buying a car seat for my eldest (2 year old), so they can take her whenever they want. I am anxious because; 1. my philosophy is that yes they can take her when she is 5-6, 2. they never even considered to ask if it was ok with us.

Whenever they visit my daughter does a little don't go grandma, I want to come with. So yesterday she told our daughter that whenever she wants to come home with grandma she can now. Good God, when did people start imaging that a 2 year old has the option to go where they want, when they want. Besides the fact once Grandma leaves she goes happily back to whatever she was doing.

I probably sound like an awful person, but I never went off with my Grandma when I was 2. Also it is the way they give her whatever she wants, when she wants, no rules, could stay up all night if she wants.

She has also started getting money off them, everytime they come she gets their purse now and they give her money. In the last week they have given her $30, so now she expects money.

I feel so insecure, because my MIL makes you feel that you can't approach her, and what she says is law. My husband doesn't want to say anything because he doesn't want to hurt her. I amnot prepared to have a disappearing 2 year old, especially when all our rules get thrown out the window when she is if Grandma.

Sorry this is long but I am so upset and worried about the whole thing.
I know exactly how you feel. My MIL doesn't even let me finish explaining properly, she gets defensive straight away and starts crying and yelling infront of the kids. My Hubby also won't stand up to her but I think it is fear as she has such a bitter tougue.
I would put the money in an envelope and leave it on their table the next time you visit. If they ask what it is for I would then explain that it is what Bub took from their purse and you don't want her to think that she can take money from poeple purses and keep it. What happens when friends come to visit and she does it to them and gets upset because she can't keep the money. I would just take the purse off Bub before she reaches them and explain to her in front of them 'no don't touch Granma's purse'.
I think them having a car seat is a good idea but your Hubby should let them know they can't just have her whenever they want, she is still to young.


How bizarre, why would anyone give a 2yr old money?! My MIL also has her own opinions of what is right (which is apparantly not me!) and tries to do what she wants. When it comes down to it she is your child and you need to do things your way. I've found that on the rare occassions I've said anything to her she was so surprised that she backed down. I find it hard to disagree with her as I was raised to be polite and respect my elders but there are some things that you just have to stand up for. I know it's daunting but you'll feel heaps better afterwards. Also have a chat again with hubby, like all men they don't want to go against mummy but he needs to put his family first.
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I don't think you are the only one out there. My husband and I no longer see his family because of my MILs attitude to me and the fact that her other grandchild is "more important" her words, not mine.
The one time we asked her to babysit - and we asked well in advance - she cancelled a couple of hours beforehand because she had to do something for her other grandchild. My husband tried to speak to them but there was a huge fight and we haven't seen them for over a year.
I hope you are able to resolve your situation, but fear not, you are not alone.

Carly - mummy to Alyssa, Ava and Mason

Sometimes the MILs need to be reminder of who is the parent! I agree with Swahmum, they are really good things to say. I too find it hard to talk to mine... but they are there when we need them, so sometimes i have to remind my self of that.

If you don't like your child going places with them, perhaps you could suggest to go along too till you are a bit comfortable with them taking your child...also check the seat is fitted correctly....don't know why but i have a thing about that!

Hang in there we all have them!!

Sal, two mischief boys 4yrs & 16 mth's

Unfortunately you might have to get a little tough with her! You will make yourself sick thrugh worrying about it otherwise. I'm sure said diplomatically she will understand.
Make her a cuppa, get DH to take your daughter out of the room, sit down and just nicely say to her it has got to stop. Something like:
MIL, I just wanted to ask a few favours of you if you don't mind. Although it is nice of you giving DD a bit of money, she is expecting it all the time now and we don't want her to think money grows on trees. If you would still like to give her money, would you mind saving it for a special occasion like birthdays or christmas, or even a special outing at the shops.
And, I know you would love to take her home with you occsionally when you leave, but we aren't quite ready for her to be going off on regular sleepovers (say this just incase you need them to babysit overnight or they might tell you to lump it next time!) She is still so young and we are trying to get her into a pattern of rules and regulations that she needs to learn, otherwise she is going to grow into a little terror and you will never want to have her! - Here you could make that sound light hearted and jokey sort of thing so it doesn't sound bossy.
Anyway this is how I would probably approach the situation if it ever arose.
Hope it all works out for you,

DD1 July 2004 DD2 August 2007 DS September 2009

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