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How to deal with relatives looking after my child Rss

Hi Everyone,
Iam hoping someone can offer some advice as i feel i have no-one to talk to about this. I have a beautiful 3 year old girl and I have started to let my sister in law ( who has no children) take her on outings to places, which so far has been good. She takes her to a kindy gym on saturday mornings which chloe loves as she is very energetic!!. the trouble is my SIL is the type of person who can be so nice one minute and in a nasty mood the next. When shes in a mood she can take it out on anyone especially her family( we have fallen out heaps due to this). This Saturday when we dropped chloe off to the gym straight away you could sense the mood as she wasnt all over chloe like normal and I know chloe picked up on it because she didnt want to let go of her dads hand and didnt seem as eager to go in as she would. Anyway chloe went in and my SIL wanted us to pick chloe up straight after as she was busy ( we were shopping) When we met after my SIL said Chloe was really naughty and cried the whole time and when she tried to pick her up she just screamed and then said maybe its because she doesnt mix with enough children. I could have hit her after that remark as my little girl is very outgoing and has no trouble mixing with kids she doesnt know. But chloe was unusally quiet. i asked her what was wrong repeatedly but she would say nothing but i have never in those 3 years seen her so withdrawn. Eventually she told me that her Aunty was grumpy and horrible, she shouted at her and said she was naughty and pulled her by her arms and it hurt. She said she didnt want to go again. Chloe has no reason to lie to me but i know for a fact that my SIL constantly lies about things which i have caught her out on. My reaction is that i dont want her to take my daughter out again if she cant control her moods, where she cant be bothered to deal with a toddlers behavior properly. I felt sick for leaving her there when it was so obvious that she didnt feel comfatable, with someone that was horrible to her and her teacher that she has always had wasnt there either. The whole day chloe was withdrawn and quiet which is not normal for her. I feel a huge amount of guilt and I know there is nothing i can do because of what SIL is like I cant say anything with out a big blow up which my hubby wants to avoid. Apart from going along to these outings with them to keep an eye on her how do i get over the anger i feel towards SIL for treating her that way and the guilt i feel for leaving chloe with her. Cheers Dawn

Dawn,WA ,Chloe 3.5, Danielle born 17th dec 2004

Hi Dawn,

This is a terrible situation. I have a 2 yr old little girl and havent had experience with this myself, but if I did .. I definately wouldnt be leaving her with the SIL, no matter what my hubby said. 3 yr olds for sure wouldnt lie about things like that and as you said, they can easily pick up on peoples vibes. My daughters safety and well being would have 100% more priority over "keeping the family happy". You may just have to come up with some reason as to why she cant take her anymore if you think she wont be able to handle the truth, or perhaps just let her know Chloe has expressed to you she doesnt want to go anymore. It's obvioulsy still important for Chloe to see her auntie, just not one on one as she's clearly not comfortable with this.

What does hubby think about all this? Could he have a chat to his sister about it, as maybe she would take it better coming from him. He needs to take some responsibility in this situation also.

As for the guilt you feel for leaving Chloe with her, this is absolutely not your fault, you cant predict these things are going to happen, but you can prevent them once you're aware.

I'm sorry I couldnt be more help, but thats how I would deal with it if I was faced with the same problem.

Good luck & let us know how it goes.


Jaida (6), Ameli (2) & Lacey (2mths) - SA

Thank you for yor advice, my husband wont say anything to her as she will react like a child and throw a tantrum and refuse to see chloe and us like last time. Sometimes i feel like as her mother i should have the final say in who she goes with and hows shes treated, but at times i dont feel i can as it will upset someone and cause arguments ( shes 45 by the way and been on her own for years) His family let her get away with it by saying she wont change but i feel like this is my family and i will protect my kids with everything i have.I think the only way i can have my say is to prevent like you said. Ive suggested to hubby that if she wants to take her to gym then we go as well and if she doesnt mention it then we will just take her on our own. Ive always had a gut feeling about her, that i dont trust but i have had to make an effort because of hubby and his parents and bite my tongue alot. As for small day trips, i think im going to limit them as i dont feel comfatable in her ability to look after a 3 year old who can at times be a challenge ie:perfectly normal. Thanks for listening, my family live in the UK so my inlaws are all i have here and this subject is one that i have to bottle up alot. Cheers Dawn

Dawn,WA ,Chloe 3.5, Danielle born 17th dec 2004

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