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Irrational working mother? Lock Rss

This is a bit of a moan about my husband not helping with looking after our daughter on the days that I work. Our daughter is one and since she was about 6 months old I have worked two days a week and she goes to my MIL's.

The problem is that some days I absolutely have to pop into the office to do urgent things and on those days I prefer that my husband helps out rather than me having to bother his mother all the time. Its only happened twice in 6 months but I just don't know how to get him to be more unsupportive on those occasions.

He works for his dad and certainly is able to take time off as and whenever he wants (not that he ever does). He has access to his work computer from our home computer and has a mobile that rings non-stop (day and night including weekends) so everyone can still reach him if they need to and he can continue to work even though I'd rather he didn't ignore Caitlin the whole time. His hours are 7.30am to 4pm yet he is never home before 5.30pm.

I asked him to take care of Caitlin from 4pm today and he told me to take her in to him!!! Surely he can finish on time for once and actually be home instead of her having to sit in his office for an hour or more!! Am I being totally unreasonable expecting him to help every now and then?

To further add to my irritation my MIL is about to go away for a week and its expected that I'll take the time off even though I've only been in my job for 6 months and therefore aren't really entitled to annual leave yet. My MIL was away about six weeks ago and my husband had told me that he would take the time off but he dragged Caitlin in to work all day the first day and then begged his sister to have her for the two days the following week! I didn't mind her looking after Caitlin but I was mighty annoyed that he couldn't take three measly days off (and not all in a row) to be with his daughter! He moans on about not wanting her to be cared for by strangers whenever I talk about finding a back up caregiver or daycare but he isn't prepared to do anything to help.

I am 12 weeks pregnant and expect to give up working a month before this baby arrives and I doubt that I'll go back given the problems I already have with care. We can survive without me working but I'd rather keep working to build up some savings for as long as I can. Also, I'll be eligible for paid parental leave if I work up to 6 weeks before the birth so that would help too. Or should I just quit to make a point about his failure to help me?

Mum to Caitlin & Owain

I don't think quitting to make a point will work. He will just think he has won. You need to get through to him that he needs to bond more with Caitlin so when you do go into hospital he will be able to cope well and Caitlin won't be so stressed out not having Mummy there. Maybe you could also talk to your In-Laws to get a bit of support.
He sounds very self centered to me just like my Hubby was. I threaten to leave my Husband if he did wake up and start helping me with the children. I never would have, but it was enough to scare him and now 2 years later he loves every minute he spends with the kids.
I just sat my Hubby down one evening and talked alot about how I was feeling, and how much I love him and the kids and I don't want to lose this but if he wasn't going to be my partner and support me in every way then there wasn't much point in us being together. We don't get marry and have a family to then live separate lives in the same house. I doesn't make sense or make a happy home for ALL.
Good luck!!


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