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Playdate walkout Lock Rss

Hi there,

I've just had a playdate walk out. My not quite 2 and 1/2 year old has been constantly too rough and pushing a friend of mines daughter. It's been getting worse over our last few visits. This morning he started pushing right from the beginning. He has a thinking corner which he goes into for this behaviour, it doesn't seem to make any difference though, as soon as he's out it just starts again I feel so terrible about this. My friend was quite angry and upset withhim, and rightly so. It was quiet obviously that he doesn't want them to visit and my friend said today that it's probably best that they don't. This is a good friend of mine and I'm gutted.
Has anyone else been through this, I'd love to hear how it paned out.
Sorry I haven't had this happen to me but I would call her and have a good talk with her. Kids will be kids. If it were me I wouldn't be using the fact that our kids don't get along at the moment to not come over anymore if you know what I mean. I'm really close with my cousin and most times her lil girl and DD get into screaming matches. We seperate them, deal with them accordingly and get on with our visit.

Sorry she doesn't sound like that good of a friend to me.

Oh no sad

I think you should give her time to calm down before ringing her and talking as she may something she doesnt mean and will regret later as ive been in her postion when my GF's son who is actually younger then my DD but 10 time sthe size of her ripped a massive chunk out of my DD's hair on one occasion which was teh final straw for me as everytime we woudl catch up her son would push and shove and scratch DD face, now i knwo its normal toddler behaviour but the chunk of hair he ripped out of my DD head was bigger then a 50c coin and it coudl not be covered up either it was that big i couldnt do anything with her hair and it took a very long time to grow back as her hair hardley grows not to mention how much it must of hurt having a chunk of hair that size being ripped out of your head! and if she had of rang me that same day i probally would have had soem nasty things to say to her about her son which i dont mean.
But i think you do need to sort it out as we only see each other now on the rare occasion when we are both child free even though the incident happened 8months ago and he may be over that little stage now i wont have Mia play with him and the fight it caused between me and DP as he wasnt impressed when he got home and saw the size of the bald patch but what can you do...kids eh
Firstly big hugs. It must be really hard for you!

I think you need to make sure you have a very strict discipline routine in place. I ould not be giving warnings for behaviour. Everytime he physically hurts someone i would put him straight into a time out for every minute per year of age. Even if it makes no difference straight away, keep consistent. When you put him in there you need to tell him that he does not hit and make him say sorry to the person he has hurt.

When he plays nicely with someone use lots of verbal praise and cuddles. He ill soon associate the bad behaviour with it conequence.

When my son went through a hitting stage, i would sit down right next to the children. Close enough so if he raised his hands to push or hit, i could stop him before he got a chance too. I would then tell him we don't hit, hitting hurts and then distract him with something to help him start playing nicely with his friend again! Once he started playing nicely i would praise him.

This all worked really well for us and i was able to control it.

I would give your friend a call or try to catch up for a coffee without the kids and explain that you are trying to get it under control and talk about how you can help prevent it happening all the time. Maybe ask her to come over again and say you will sit down with them or between them while they play.

Good luck smile

Firstly big hugs. It must be really hard for you!

I think you need to make sure you have a very strict discipline routine in place. I ould not be giving warnings for behaviour. Everytime he physically hurts someone i would put him straight into a time out for every minute per year of age. Even if it makes no difference straight away, keep consistent. When you put him in there you need to tell him that he does not hit and make him say sorry to the person he has hurt.

When he plays nicely with someone use lots of verbal praise and cuddles. He ill soon associate the bad behaviour with it conequence.

When my son went through a hitting stage, i would sit down right next to the children. Close enough so if he raised his hands to push or hit, i could stop him before he got a chance too. I would then tell him we don't hit, hitting hurts and then distract him with something to help him start playing nicely with his friend again! Once he started playing nicely i would praise him.

This all worked really well for us and i was able to control it.

I would give your friend a call or try to catch up for a coffee without the kids and explain that you are trying to get it under control and talk about how you can help prevent it happening all the time. Maybe ask her to come over again and say you will sit down with them or between them while they play.

Good luck smile



This is excellent advice and I've heard similar advice to combat biting - and that's the sit right by them so if you see them go to bite or hit you can stop it before it happens. Plus praise for when they play nicely.

Perhaps from your friends perspective it appears you arent doing anything about it and that's why she left along with the behaviour not stopping. I'm not sure what is involved with putting him in the "thinking spot"
but is his timeout place away from toys and other people so he will be bored and alone? A thinking spot to me conjures up that they are there to think about what they've done.... for a 2 1/2 year old they dont have the mental capacity to think about what they've done so I'm not entirely sure that's the way to go. For us time out works, because it means time out - you be naughty you will spend time out from the fun. I think its important to use terminology they can understand and that's realistic for age. I think its easier for a child to understand naughty = having to spend time alone with no toys.

Firstly big hugs. It must be really hard for you!

I think you need to make sure you have a very strict discipline routine in place. I ould not be giving warnings for behaviour. Everytime he physically hurts someone i would put him straight into a time out for every minute per year of age. Even if it makes no difference straight away, keep consistent. When you put him in there you need to tell him that he does not hit and make him say sorry to the person he has hurt.

When he plays nicely with someone use lots of verbal praise and cuddles. He ill soon associate the bad behaviour with it conequence.

When my son went through a hitting stage, i would sit down right next to the children. Close enough so if he raised his hands to push or hit, i could stop him before he got a chance too. I would then tell him we don't hit, hitting hurts and then distract him with something to help him start playing nicely with his friend again! Once he started playing nicely i would praise him.

This all worked really well for us and i was able to control it.

I would give your friend a call or try to catch up for a coffee without the kids and explain that you are trying to get it under control and talk about how you can help prevent it happening all the time. Maybe ask her to come over again and say you will sit down with them or between them while they play.

Good luck smile




This is excellent advice and I've heard similar advice to combat biting - and that's the sit right by them so if you see them go to bite or hit you can stop it before it happens. Plus praise for when they play nicely.

Perhaps from your friends perspective it appears you arent doing anything about it and that's why she left along with the behaviour not stopping. I'm not sure what is involved with putting him in the "thinking spot"
but is his timeout place away from toys and other people so he will be bored and alone? A thinking spot to me conjures up that they are there to think about what they've done.... for a 2 1/2 year old they dont have the mental capacity to think about what they've done so I'm not entirely sure that's the way to go. For us time out works, because it means time out - you be naughty you will spend time out from the fun. I think its important to use terminology they can understand and that's realistic for age. I think its easier for a child to understand naughty = having to spend time alone with no toys.

I agree some really great advice, i hope the behaviour stps for you soon smile
I have a very gentle son so experience the other end where he gets pushed ect.. and i must admit i HATE it when I feel the parent isn't doing enough. NEVER ignore it, NEVER feel like your "over disciplining" your boy as you have to be on his back every 5 seconds the parent of the other child will appreciate your vigilance. Sounds like your trying though, but you may need another approach. I know how FRUSTRATING it is when kids ignore you and continue on a bad path and you do start feeling helpless as you cant really stop them from being naughty if that's what they have decided, but he is getting old enough to deprive him of things he wants/like for a period of time too. Perhaps if you have done the thinking corner and he continues explain that you will put his "bike" (or another loved toy) away until tomorrow if he continues to be mean, then if he disobeys make him watch you put it in the shed or spare room ect... eventually he will hopefully realizes he misses out long term not just in the moment..? dunno just a suggestion, and when he asks for the item later explain simply "Well you were very mean to your friend earlier so mummy had to put your bike away, next time if you listen to mummy you wont loose your bike" He will eventually connect the dots, works ok with my son

Thanks for all your replies much appreciated.
He's been great ever since that morning - I just have to stay on top of it when he's naughty. A challenge with a 10mth old walker also! Both off in different directions.

Hi there,

I've just had a playdate walk out. My not quite 2 and 1/2 year old has been constantly too rough and pushing a friend of mines daughter. It's been getting worse over our last few visits. This morning he started pushing right from the beginning. He has a thinking corner which he goes into for this behaviour, it doesn't seem to make any difference though, as soon as he's out it just starts again I feel so terrible about this. My friend was quite angry and upset withhim, and rightly so. It was quiet obviously that he doesn't want them to visit and my friend said today that it's probably best that they don't. This is a good friend of mine and I'm gutted.
Has anyone else been through this, I'd love to hear how it paned out.


I was faced with a very emotional situation this morning. My ds is just over 2 and he does soccer classes once a week for 2-3.5 year olds. There is a boy there who is going through the biting and hitting stage quite badly. His mum is very nice and has a 7 month old baby girl. She tries to hard so get him to stop it every week.

Anyway today, her son started hitting my son, and my son hit him back. This boy then grabbed my sons face and bit him really really hard. It didn't break the skin but he has an awful graze look on his face that is bruising and looks pretty nasty. I grabbed my son and cuddled him as he was screaming in pain. As soon as he settled down a bit I went over to his mum who was balling her eyes out. I felt so sad for her. She was soooo embarrased and upset for what her son had done. I took my son over to her little boy who was still sobbing and explained to my son that sometimes people get a little over excited and that he didn't mean to hurt him. I got her little boy to cuddle my son and then i hugged his mum. I almost started to cry myself because I could see how dissapointed she was in her son.

She took him home after that. I really do hope that she continues to bring him to the class and perhaps have someone sit with him and be ready to intervene if he gets a little to rough. I really do feel for mums when their children do things that we don't like. It's the most testing times for parents..

xoxox

I was faced with a very emotional situation this morning. My ds is just over 2 and he does soccer classes once a week for 2-3.5 year olds. There is a boy there who is going through the biting and hitting stage quite badly. His mum is very nice and has a 7 month old baby girl. She tries to hard so get him to stop it every week.

Anyway today, her son started hitting my son, and my son hit him back. This boy then grabbed my sons face and bit him really really hard. It didn't break the skin but he has an awful graze look on his face that is bruising and looks pretty nasty. I grabbed my son and cuddled him as he was screaming in pain. As soon as he settled down a bit I went over to his mum who was balling her eyes out. I felt so sad for her. She was soooo embarrased and upset for what her son had done. I took my son over to her little boy who was still sobbing and explained to my son that sometimes people get a little over excited and that he didn't mean to hurt him. I got her little boy to cuddle my son and then i hugged his mum. I almost started to cry myself because I could see how dissapointed she was in her son.

She took him home after that. I really do hope that she continues to bring him to the class and perhaps have someone sit with him and be ready to intervene if he gets a little to rough. I really do feel for mums when their children do things that we don't like. It's the most testing times for parents..

xoxox


great post. you should be very proud of yourself and your boy. you made it a little easier for that mum and i am sure she is very greatful.
RileysMummy what a great post and a lovely thing you did smile

Goosey - My DS is generally pretty good but does have his moments. The whole 2 year old constant full on behaviour settled down a few months after he turned 2.5 years. He is 3 this month. He is still quite independent and i find sometimes he is asked to stop doing something and sat in the 'naughty corner' as we call it but just cant seem to stop himself and carries on with the undesirable behaviour so the last 2 weeks or so i have made a change to his diet. Maybe this might be worth a try for you??

We eat reasonably healthy but he only gets water or milk now no watered down juice (he used to have 1 a day). I have also banned grandparents from giving him any lollies or food with artificial additives or preservatives. We have found he has become a lot more calmer and generally when we ask him to stop doing something he does straight away. It took a good 3-4 days for everything to get out of his system.

I have also found that in my general circle of friends the boys are so different to the girls behaviour wise. Dont feel too bad you are doing your best.
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