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HELP!!! my daughter cannot stand her father Lock Rss

Marlee is 18 months old, this has been going on for a year now.

She can't stand her dad.
What can i do, i think i need professional advice.

We've tried little things like he gives her treats and things like that but it's not working some days she's okay with him and more often than not lately i can leave the house and she's best friends with him but as soon as i come home she doesnt want a bar of him.

He'll ask for a cuddle and put his arms out and she'll drop to the floor and start screaming, he'll pick her up and she'll start crying.
Sometimes he'd just have to walk past and she'd start crying.
Sometimes she'll allow him to pick her up while im there if he's going to show her something, but if i even glance at her she'll start crying.
She's cries that much that she holds her breath and sometimes faints if we're not careful.

It's both emotionally and physically draining for all of us. i just want it to stop. what can i do?

You can't say give it time, it's something she'll grow out of, we've tried everything we can think of and she hasn't grown out of it, it's been one year.

I feel for him it's embaressing for him, he can't pick his daughter up and give her a hug, sometimes when we're out and i'm struggling with something he can't just take her from me because she'll start crying.

I'm trying to just ignore her when she does this and tell her off, but she'll just stand there for 30 minutes if i let her, just sobbing.

If i'm not home it's like my role goes to someone else.
She doesn't anything to do with dad but she'll follow her pa around and won't let him out of her site.

has anyone else had this problem or something similar??
sad

this is going to sound rude but please read it for what it is......

all studies show that if your child doesn't like someone you should stop and take a look at the whole picture. There is a reason she doesn't like him. If it was a netball coach or soccar coach you would be wondering why your child didn't like him and alarm bells should be going off inside your head.

As your daughter can't talk, you need to be aware that quite plainly she doesn't like her dad for whatever reason. Would you be pushing a friend onto your child if she didn't like them?

I am not saying that he has done anything wrong etc.... but maybe does he talk too loud, or shout at the rugby, or slammed a door or anything like that..... accidently banged her or dropped her or stood on her.... we all do these things and children react different ways to things....

As she doesn't like dad i wouldn't be telling her off for not liking him, asw there is some reason behind it and as she gets more vocal she will tell you. she is still a little baby and i guess you just have to go with it. do stuff together like go to the park and have dad push the swing etc, get dad to help with things she likes.....

please don't think that i think he is hurting her or anything but just she can't tell you what the problem is..... look at the difference between dad and pop and maybe dad could try and act a bit more like pop..... also how often does she see dad... my husband works late and often the wee ones are asleep when he gets home for the night so its a few days or the next weekend before they see him again but they see my dad every day

this is going to sound rude but please read it for what it is......

all studies show that if your child doesn't like someone you should stop and take a look at the whole picture. There is a reason she doesn't like him. If it was a netball coach or soccar coach you would be wondering why your child didn't like him and alarm bells should be going off inside your head.

As your daughter can't talk, you need to be aware that quite plainly she doesn't like her dad for whatever reason. Would you be pushing a friend onto your child if she didn't like them?

I am not saying that he has done anything wrong etc.... but maybe does he talk too loud, or shout at the rugby, or slammed a door or anything like that..... accidently banged her or dropped her or stood on her.... we all do these things and children react different ways to things....

As she doesn't like dad i wouldn't be telling her off for not liking him, asw there is some reason behind it and as she gets more vocal she will tell you. she is still a little baby and i guess you just have to go with it. do stuff together like go to the park and have dad push the swing etc, get dad to help with things she likes.....

please don't think that i think he is hurting her or anything but just she can't tell you what the problem is..... look at the difference between dad and pop and maybe dad could try and act a bit more like pop..... also how often does she see dad... my husband works late and often the wee ones are asleep when he gets home for the night so its a few days or the next weekend before they see him again but they see my dad every day


I agree and would go one step further... take your daughter to a GP and talk about this and get her checked out and by that I mean physically.

No one likes to think this but unfortunately you cannot rule it out.

Marlee is 18 months old, this has been going on for a year now.

She can't stand her dad.
What can i do, i think i need professional advice.

We've tried little things like he gives her treats and things like that but it's not working some days she's okay with him and more often than not lately i can leave the house and she's best friends with him but as soon as i come home she doesnt want a bar of him.

He'll ask for a cuddle and put his arms out and she'll drop to the floor and start screaming, he'll pick her up and she'll start crying.
Sometimes he'd just have to walk past and she'd start crying.
Sometimes she'll allow him to pick her up while im there if he's going to show her something, but if i even glance at her she'll start crying.
She's cries that much that she holds her breath and sometimes faints if we're not careful.

It's both emotionally and physically draining for all of us. i just want it to stop. what can i do?

You can't say give it time, it's something she'll grow out of, we've tried everything we can think of and she hasn't grown out of it, it's been one year.

I feel for him it's embaressing for him, he can't pick his daughter up and give her a hug, sometimes when we're out and i'm struggling with something he can't just take her from me because she'll start crying.

I'm trying to just ignore her when she does this and tell her off, but she'll just stand there for 30 minutes if i let her, just sobbing.

If i'm not home it's like my role goes to someone else.
She doesn't anything to do with dad but she'll follow her pa around and won't let him out of her site.

has anyone else had this problem or something similar??
sad
Hi. I've never posted anything to a forum before, but the responses that you have received so far have compelled me to chime in. It really saddens me that people always have to make sinister assumptions.
I have a similar situation with my 2 1/2 year old. She is an angel for my husband when I'm not there (witnessed by many friends/family members) but often when we are both present, she takes the opportunity to act up and as you put it, "won't have a bar of her Dad". She will scream and cry if he attempts to parent her in anyway - from hugging her, to clearing her dinner plate from the table. And God help us if he dares to try to bath her or take her to the loo."I want you, Mummy!!!" is the response to everything.
It is frustrating for me and embarrassing for my husband when onlookers at the shops think that he is trying yo kidnap her as she screams "Get away from me!!" as he tries to put her in the car should I have my hands full.
I KNOW that there is nothing sinister happening and all that I can put it down to is that she loves me like crazy (afterall, for the first few months babies think that they and their mum are the same being don't they?)... and sometimes she's just being a pill.
I'm sorry that I don't have a solution for you, but please know that your family isn't the only one suffering from this dynamic. I'm sure that your partner is a great dad, tell him to hang in there. smile

I agree and would go one step further... take your daughter to a GP and talk about this and get her checked out and by that I mean physically.

No one likes to think this but unfortunately you cannot rule it out.



I think you're jumping to conclusions here and from what the OP has said I don't think there's enough information there to accuse her partner of sexually abusing their daughter. Because that is basically what you're saying without actually saying it.
My 22mo son can be like this towards his father, maybe not quite to the extreme as you are describing but a similar sort of thing and sometimes it makes me feel incredible sorry for him, it must be awful. Lately though my son has been a lot more interested in him and it does seem to be a phase thats passing for us....i hope you have some luck, i think it is normal to an extent but maybe you would benefit from talking to a professional about it as you mentioned
OK so no one wants to state the obvious but there is obviously a reason why your daughter is reacting the way she does.

there may be a totally innocent reason but there also might be something much more serious going on and you as her mother have an obligation to protect that baby. take her to the GP and make sure she is thoroughly checked out also until you know for sure i would leave her alone with her dad.

abusers are always someone the victim knows and trusts. she needs you to be there not tell her off because when she can speak and wants to tell someone she will remember that telling got her in trouble and who knows how long it could go on for.

i know i will probably get some people that get angry with me. but i dont care. look out for your daughter.

OK so no one wants to state the obvious but there is obviously a reason why your daughter is reacting the way she does.

there may be a totally innocent reason but there also might be something much more serious going on and you as her mother have an obligation to protect that baby. take her to the GP and make sure she is thoroughly checked out also until you know for sure i would leave her alone with her dad.

abusers are always someone the victim knows and trusts. she needs you to be there not tell her off because when she can speak and wants to tell someone she will remember that telling got her in trouble and who knows how long it could go on for.

i know i will probably get some people that get angry with me. but i dont care. look out for your daughter.


And you know the obvious do you? You know the background of this family? You know if the father of this child is left alone with her? You have experience with children who have been sexually abused? You know the signs to look for for sexual abuse? You know that this child has those signs? You have a background in child protection?

A medical examination is a very invasive and upsetting procedure for a child. Especially if there are no other signs of sexual abuse. Why subject a child to that simply because she sometimes has a negative reaction to her father?

Now I will tell you what the other signs of sexual abuse are. Bed wetting or wetting/soiling pants when they are toilet trained, red and irritated genitals/anus, expressing constant fear of certain people and places. The list can go on.

Now I can guarentee you that if this was the father posting this about the mother NONE of you would be jumping up and down screaming sexual abuse.

Some of you keyboard child protection workers need to get a freakin clue!!!

And you know the obvious do you? You know the background of this family? You know if the father of this child is left alone with her? You have experience with children who have been sexually abused? You know the signs to look for for sexual abuse? You know that this child has those signs? You have a background in child protection?

A medical examination is a very invasive and upsetting procedure for a child. Especially if there are no other signs of sexual abuse. Why subject a child to that simply because she sometimes has a negative reaction to her father?

Now I will tell you what the other signs of sexual abuse are. Bed wetting or wetting/soiling pants when they are toilet trained, red and irritated genitals/anus, expressing constant fear of certain people and places. The list can go on.

Now I can guarentee you that if this was the father posting this about the mother NONE of you would be jumping up and down screaming sexual abuse.

Some of you keyboard child protection workers need to get a freakin clue!!!



Ok well number one i never said i was a cps worker, and for your information yeah i do have experience with child sexual abuse, i have 2 sisters and we all were abused by an uncle. all i was saying was that she needs to be careful and to protect her child. she was the one that posted on here asking for advice. i was just saying waht everyone else was thinking.

Ok well number one i never said i was a cps worker, and for your information yeah i do have experience with child sexual abuse, i have 2 sisters and we all were abused by an uncle. all i was saying was that she needs to be careful and to protect her child. she was the one that posted on here asking for advice. i was just saying waht everyone else was thinking.


No I asked you if you had experience with CHILDREN who has experiened sexual abuse not if you have. This needs to be looked at objectively not emotionally. You were telling her to have her child undergo a highly invasive medical procedure because you think her father is sexually abusing her. You haven't said what everyone else was thinking because I don't think she should be doing anything of the kind. And I'm damn sure I have more experience and expertise in this area than you do.

No I asked you if you had experience with CHILDREN who has experiened sexual abuse not if you have. This needs to be looked at objectively not emotionally. You were telling her to have her child undergo a highly invasive medical procedure because you think her father is sexually abusing her. You haven't said what everyone else was thinking because I don't think she should be doing anything of the kind. And I'm damn sure I have more experience and expertise in this area than you do.



whatever, im not arguing with some dick head that would like to be naive about this. would the best case scenario be that the baby is checked out and nothing is found and then she feels safe and protected and grows up knowing that if she is in trouble that her mother will believe her?? and what about if they do find something is going on?? i think thats when objecive goes out the window and emotions play a big part. oh and good for you expert i feel sorry for the kids you deal with to you just give them a pat on the head and send them back to abusive parents just because they cant verbalise their pain?? way to go *** head.
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