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  5. HELP!!! my daughter cannot stand her father

HELP!!! my daughter cannot stand her father Lock Rss

oh and also i wasnt telling her to do anything. she is clearly an adult unlike some people. she needs to do whats right for her and her daughter.

No I asked you if you had experience with CHILDREN who has experiened sexual abuse not if you have. This needs to be looked at objectively not emotionally. You were telling her to have her child undergo a highly invasive medical procedure because you think her father is sexually abusing her. You haven't said what everyone else was thinking because I don't think she should be doing anything of the kind. And I'm damn sure I have more experience and expertise in this area than you do.

sorry i think you have a big chip on your shoulder..... In fact to be honest the whole post screams to me that something is wrong.... in my post i did state maybe dad yells at the telly, a lot of men do that etc watching rugby etc, long hours away from their babies, that happen with mine.....

sometimes people have to point out the question do you think she is being abused because sometimes you can't see what is right in your face....
She is a young mum asking for help and she is getting a ray of answers, her partner is young also, it doesn't mean they are bad parents just something is scareing her, you have to take it all away layer by layer.

It actually takes a brave person to ask do you think there is a problem. Me personally i wouldn't be forcing the toddler on her dad at the moment and maybe dad needs to get down on the floor and read some books instead of forcing the wee girl to accept her dad,
I think a visit to a GP couldnt hurt but not relating to what some of the above posters have said.

More along the lines with Subzero. Maybe there is something in the childs mind that is affecting her relationship with her dad? I dont know what but just something totally irrelavant from physical abuse.

Everyone else has jumped to thinking sexual abuse if i was the OP i wouldnt want to be reading that and would probly get the sh!ts and turn the computer off.

But if you visit a GP then they will try and find out every aspect of why she is doing this. Physically and mentally.

Fingers crossed you can get some answers hun ,keep us posted smile

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My dd (now 3) used to act quite similar towards her father, she used to be very clingy towards me and not want to go to anyone else including her father. for her it was just a phase, she has a great relationship with her father now. everyones views on this will be different im not going to agree or disagree with other posts, but in my experience with my dd it was just a phase, we continued on as normal and didnt alter our routine to pander to her needs and she turned out fine, no abuse in this case. good luck, i know it can be so so frustrating so i hope you find a solution soon xx

sorry i think you have a big chip on your shoulder..... In fact to be honest the whole post screams to me that something is wrong.... in my post i did state maybe dad yells at the telly, a lot of men do that etc watching rugby etc, long hours away from their babies, that happen with mine.....

sometimes people have to point out the question do you think she is being abused because sometimes you can't see what is right in your face....
She is a young mum asking for help and she is getting a ray of answers, her partner is young also, it doesn't mean they are bad parents just something is scareing her, you have to take it all away layer by layer.

It actually takes a brave person to ask do you think there is a problem. Me personally i wouldn't be forcing the toddler on her dad at the moment and maybe dad needs to get down on the floor and read some books instead of forcing the wee girl to accept her dad,


I don't have a chip on my shoulder but I'm passionate about this kind of thing. I don't think based soley on what the OP has put in her post that anyone can say that her child has been sexually abused. There are a lot of reasons why a child can react like this to another parent and it's upsetting that the first thing that some people have said it sexual abuse.

Sub I didn't think your post was accusing anyone. You gave good information on several things that may be upsetting her child. Yes you hinted that there might be an abuse problem but you did it in what I personally consider to be an acceptable way. Some of the other posts weren't.

It was upset about it because I think there's a lot of "let's just jump on the sexual abuse bandwagon" without looking into further or without more information. Mud sticks and personall if someone accused my DH of sexual abuse based soley on this I woudld be beyond PO'd.

I agree that something is obviously wrong for this little girl, but I think jumping to sexual abuse straight away isn't the right answer or advice that we can give this person.

OK so no one wants to state the obvious but there is obviously a reason why your daughter is reacting the way she does.

there may be a totally innocent reason but there also might be something much more serious going on and you as her mother have an obligation to protect that baby. take her to the GP and make sure she is thoroughly checked out also until you know for sure i would leave her alone with her dad.

abusers are always someone the victim knows and trusts. she needs you to be there not tell her off because when she can speak and wants to tell someone she will remember that telling got her in trouble and who knows how long it could go on for.

i know i will probably get some people that get angry with me. but i dont care. look out for your daughter.


I agree, what possible harm is there in a medical check up plus talking to the GP about the behaviours she is displaying. No. 1 priority is your child, who cannot speak for or protect herself.

I agree, what possible harm is there in a medical check up plus talking to the GP about the behaviours she is displaying. No. 1 priority is your child, who cannot speak for or protect herself.


The harm is in if there is no abuse going on, how do you think at 18month old is going to feel having a physical exam by a doctor! Jeez louise, most adults dont like that and can you imagine the type of fear it might put into the girl?!

Plus i highly doubt a GP is just going to say 'ok lets have a look before i think of any other reasons why shes behaving like this'

Come on people think with you heads!

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I agree, what possible harm is there in a medical check up plus talking to the GP about the behaviours she is displaying. No. 1 priority is your child, who cannot speak for or protect herself.


It's not just a 'medical check up'. A medical examination is an invasive procedure which is intimidating and scary for children. It's not something that you want done 'just to be sure'. And based on what the OP has said I don't think there's enough information to warrant a medical examination.

The harm is in if there is no abuse going on, how do you think at 18month old is going to feel having a physical exam by a doctor! Jeez louise, most adults dont like that and can you imagine the type of fear it might put into the girl?!

Plus i highly doubt a GP is just going to say 'ok lets have a look before i think of any other reasons why shes behaving like this'

Come on people think with you heads!

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I think the first thing to understand is that a Dr does not examine a baby in the same way as a teenage or adult female would be examined. What I'm hearing is its best not to even think about it, let alone check it out... for fear of traumatising the child. Well IF abuse is taking place what do think that is doing to the child?
I agree with taking her to the Dr just to have a chat with them about her behavior as it sounds as thought you have tried everything I would of suggested and need a more professional opinion smile I'm sure if there is anything to worry about the Dr will see it and do what needs to be done, I highly doubt any Dr would do an examination on a child/adult willynilly!

Goodluck and let us know how you go

I think the first thing to understand is that a Dr does not examine a baby in the same way as a teenage or adult female would be examined. What I'm hearing is its best not to even think about it, let alone check it out... for fear of traumatising the child. Well IF abuse is taking place what do think that is doing to the child?


A Dr would examin this child by checking her vagina for any tearing, redness or other signs of abuse. They would also check her anus for brusing, tearing etc. They would then check her entire body for any other marks or bruises. This child is 18 months old so chances are she's not going to want to lay there pacivly and allow this to be done.

No one's saying it's best not to think about it. If there are other signs of sexual abuse then yes it's important to get it. But if there's not then you are subjecting your child to an uncessary procedure which is upsetting for them.

And you know the obvious do you? You know the background of this family? You know if the father of this child is left alone with her? You have experience with children who have been sexually abused? You know the signs to look for for sexual abuse? You know that this child has those signs? You have a background in child protection?

A medical examination is a very invasive and upsetting procedure for a child. Especially if there are no other signs of sexual abuse. Why subject a child to that simply because she sometimes has a negative reaction to her father?

Now I will tell you what the other signs of sexual abuse are. Bed wetting or wetting/soiling pants when they are toilet trained, red and irritated genitals/anus, expressing constant fear of certain people and places. The list can go on.

Now I can guarentee you that if this was the father posting this about the mother NONE of you would be jumping up and down screaming sexual abuse.

Some of you keyboard child protection workers need to get a freakin clue!!!


Hi Mummyluvsmaddie

All of what you say is very true and relevant. However, i would have thought that you of all people, with the job you do, would be the first to stand up and say that the mother should look at EVERY aspect of the childs behaviors and the reasons behind them. Wouldn't a routine check for sexual assault be a good thing to rule out quickly so they can move onto other things?

To the OP. I thing you should check out all aspects, then, once everything is sorted and you no there is nothing dodgy going on, leave your daughter with her dad and leave for a week. Let them sort themselves out. YOu said she is happy if your not there, so maybe having good quality time together will sort things out?
Good luck
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