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  5. HELP!!! my daughter cannot stand her father

HELP!!! my daughter cannot stand her father Lock Rss


Hi Mummyluvsmaddie

All of what you say is very true and relevant. However, i would have thought that you of all people, with the job you do, would be the first to stand up and say that the mother should look at EVERY aspect of the childs behaviors and the reasons behind them. Wouldn't a routine check for sexual assault be a good thing to rule out quickly so they can move onto other things?


I definately think she should look at every aspect of child's behaviour but I don't think it's appropriate to look at sexual abuse 1st and foremost and not as the ONLY reason for the child's behaviour. The thing I'm trying to convey here is that it's not just a routine check and I think that other aspect need to be explored and ruled out before anything else.
i had to take my daughter to the doctor the other week because of a sore vagina and she had some sand up there.... all the doctor did was take her knickers down and have a wee look, no more than what you would do changing a poo for a wee girl, she shown a tourch and could see sand from the sand pit which was causing her pain,,, so a couple hours in the bath playing managed to move it....

I am not swayed either way at the moment to why this wee dot doesn't like her day, i am leaning more to the something has happened rather than abuse at this stage.... or just simply she doesn't like him....

kids are like that... we have some kids at pre school who like other teachers and not me and vice versa.... there is one wee guy that actually cries anytime i go near himm, he just doesn't like me for whatever reason, he likes others but not me.... i am fine with that.... but wouldn't push myself on him.... same for others.

I definately think she should look at every aspect of child's behaviour but I don't think it's appropriate to look at sexual abuse 1st and foremost and not as the ONLY reason for the child's behaviour. The thing I'm trying to convey here is that it's not just a routine check and I think that other aspect need to be explored and ruled out before anything else.


I understand what your saying and even agree with a few things you said. Just coming from being sexually abused as a child, i know and would prefer if it was my child, to assume the worst and be proven wrong, than have it happening under my nose because i though "oh no that would never happen". Imagine if the mothers of all those kids abused by their priest had spoken up instead of keeping quite when they noticed there kids different behaviour? I think its better to assume the worst, but hope for the best. And if the dad has nothing to hide, then he too, would be all for the tests.

In this case of the OP it is probably not happening and the child is just scared of the relationship between mummy and daddy and wants it all about her, which i have seen happen alot.
Ok seeing as everyone has spoken to death about sexual abuse , any OTHER suggestions as to why the daughter is behaving like this?

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has anyone else had this problem or something similar??
sad

Hi MarleesMummy,

How frustrating and sad it must make you all feel, I'd be devastated if my little man wouldn't come to me sad
I haven't had this experience but came across the babycenter website with a forum discussion on the same subject. On just the first page, there are 5-10 mothers that have all experienced the same/similar situation and the info and tips in that thread should be useful and none of it relates to sexual abuse. I hope you find that refreshing smile

http://www.babycenter.com/400_how-can-i-get-my-baby-to-relax-and-enjoy-her-father_500240_1.bc

(some people don't like to click on links, if that’s you, just google; how can I get my baby to relax and enjoy her father)

Good luck, I hope she moves past it soon
Oh i have an idea. Has your daughter walked in on you and your partner having sex? Did she think daddy was hurting mummy? Something along those lines? So she doesnt want to go to daddy because of that? Does she act this way because she wants your attention? Wants you to focus on her instead of you focusing on dad?

Oh i have an idea. Has your daughter walked in on you and your partner having sex? Did she think daddy was hurting mummy? Something along those lines? So she doesnt want to go to daddy because of that? Does she act this way because she wants your attention? Wants you to focus on her instead of you focusing on dad?

That's actually what I was just thinking. It could be something as harmless as that, seeing you and your partner having a romp. And with dad on top it would look like he was hurting you. And some noises might be mistaken for pain too.

Now, I don't want to keep the sexual abuse debate going, but if there was any indication of sexual abuse wouldn't the mother know that from changing nappies? Please don't bash me, I have no clue about sexual abuse, I just would have thought that sort of thing was obvious?

Just to throw a spanner in the works from a different angle, my daiughter prefers my husband to me. She'll come to me for feeds and nappy changes etc. but at every other opportunity she'll be in her father's arms! Even at the mall she'll push my hands away and call for him. It's been that way since she was born. She's always had a special connection with him from the beginning. It seems to my unprofessional conclusion that perhaps he understands her better than I do? That could be a factor, that maybe your daughter doesn't realise that she'll be taken care of by her dad? I endorse a trip to the GP becuase they will also be able to refer you to child specialists to help with finding the root of the issue, whether its a re-curring nightmare that's putting her off(my little brother had an issue with that) or just a communicating problem. I realise that there's alot of prickly comments circling this subject in earlier posts but have hope, you're the Mum and you get to decide how to proceed and how to take the well-meaning advice that's given to your quandry. All the very best, I hope thing's look up for you soon.
Medical checkup does not necessarily imply an invasive procedure does it? It just means going to the GP who has connections to parenting networks and psychiatrists. If this is bothering this woman and her family, then some action needs to be taken as to the relationship issue anyway and the GP can be the first step, as they can advise you where to go next.




Now, I don't want to keep the sexual abuse debate going, but if there was any indication of sexual abuse wouldn't the mother know that from changing nappies? Please don't bash me, I have no clue about sexual abuse, I just would have thought that sort of thing was obvious?


Precisely what I think! At that age, surely it could not have gone unnoticed?

Medical checkup does not necessarily imply an invasive procedure! It just means going to the GP who has connections to parenting networks and psychiatrists. If this is bothering this woman and her family, then some action needs to be taken and the GP can be the first step, as they can advise you where to go next.

I hope the OP reads my original post -- i have the same problem in my family, and things are improving for us. I think she probably is just very attached to you.


Yes very true. But a lot of the people on here were talking about having her child physically examined which is an invasive procedure.
I'm just going to ignore pp and go from a different angle.

When your DD was very little did you do the majority of care for her? She may just be so used to you looking after her that she just PREFERS your company to her daddy's smile

If she is happy to chill with him when you are not there then she does like him, she just thinks you're the bees knees laugh

How about the three of you grab a couple of books and sit on the floor and read with her? Or play a game together? Sit in a triangle and get her to roll a ball you and dad. Get dad involved in all the fun things first before you try to pass her to him while she is highly stimulated in a shopping centre etc.



Edited to fix my horrific grammar and spelling
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