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  5. HELP!!! my daughter cannot stand her father

HELP!!! my daughter cannot stand her father Lock Rss

I hate to reply to this thread but I will.

Im not sure how to even explain this. In, I will 'some' cases (so I dont have to provide stats) a child will not even understand that any sexual act has taken place. 'Many' child predators will try to make a child feel good and gain trust. So basically Im trying to say that the person your child is all warm and fuzzy with can just as easily be the 'bad man' as the person who they are not wanting to be around.

I know my bd prefers me if she has the option of both dh and I.

Shheeesh for the OP Im so sorry that its turned to this!!!!!!!!!!

I'm just going to ignore pp and go from a different angle.

When your DD was very little did you do the majority of care for her? She may just be so used to you looking after her that she just PREFERS your company to her daddy's smile

If she is happy to chill with him when you are not there then she does like him, she just thinks you're the bees knees laugh

How about the three of you grab a couple of books and sit on the floor and read with her? Or play a game together? Sit in a triangle and get her to roll a ball you and dad. Get dad involved in all the fun things first before you try to pass her to him while she is highly stimulated in a shopping centre etc.



Edited to fix my horrific grammar and spelling

Agree 100%



Hi Marlee's Mummy,

My DD is exactly the same and I am beyond positive her dad has never or would never harm her in any way.

My best friend is a nurse and has done a lot of courses and PDs on child development. There are recent studies have shown that some children actually have very little connection with their dads until they are approximately 2-3 years old. When she 1st told me I was doubtful, until I saw it for myself. DD is now almost 2 1/2 and has only really started developing a good relationship with her dad since she was about 2. She was breast fed and I am her primary caregiver, so she would only ever want me. If I went out and left her with dad she would scream hysterically the whole time. It was really distressing for all 3 of us. She is now MUCH better with being left with him if go out, but does sometimes have a little sad if she's tired and I'm not home.

I promise you it will get better, but probably slowly. Even now DD will chose to be with me 95% of the time - even if we are both home she'll follow me around the house and if we are both sitting on the lounge chairs she will sit on mine. Just this morning her dad tried to give her a cuddle and she threw herself on the floor screaming. She was straight out being contrary because 5 minutes later went over and gave him a cuddle on her terms, lol. Maybe your hubby can just try little things to start with, like sitting on the floor and playing with some blocks and wait until she starts to join in.

I know it's heartbreaking, but keep your chin up, I'm sure it will start to get better as she gets older. For the record, DD also follows her Grandad and Pa around everywhere - I think that is just a special grandad thing smile

All the best to you and your little family love smile
hey there i just waned to let you know my son who is now 4 would do the same kinda of thing to his father it lasted about 18 months and no amount of special time together ect made it better the only reason it has stopped now (mostly) is the fact i go to work and my hubby is home with our children. i think the fact we as mum's have that constant connection to our children ( we usually stay home with them get up to them at night ect so of course this is going to establish a strong relationship.

as i have been in this situation beofre i do not think there is anythign to worry about with your husband but also i do not know u guys and if u are young parents or not that has no reference here at all!!

go with ur gut feeling and maybe try to have ur little girl n daddy go for special trips together ie playground to the shops ect just by themselves and make it a very special exciting time to gether!


good luck it does pass even though i didnt think it would!!

cheers
Hi guys thanks for all the input, I completely forgot I had posted this..

I have to admit i'm offended that sexual abuse was suggested and that it got rambled on about for so long.

I do understand where people are coming from, it does happen & it is more often people that you'd least expect.

But in this case i would never consider that my fiance would be cable of such a horrible thing.
It's just not in his nature end of story.

when Marlee was younger she went into hospital and needed blood tests and daddy had to hold her down and I refused to be in the room, we've always thought that may have played some part in it.

She's always around her dad, but I love being a parent so much I insisted on feeding her all the time when she was younger until it got to the point where she only wanted me to feed her.

Things are starting to get better, DH is doing long hours at work & Marlee is less clingy, i can actually leave the room or go outside without her crying.

I think it's just something that is going to take time like most of you have said, but thanks for giving me a rough idea of when.

P.s i recently went to see a specialist about Marlee's toes (she has clinodactyly toes) & i talked to her about the daddy issues, & she just said it would take time & to not give her attention when she does cry because it's just a game to her.

Marlee is getting blood tests because she is so petite the doc just wants to check if it's natural or if it's her thyroid or to check if she is a celiac. i think she's just little but it's better to be safe than sorry.


Hi guys thanks for all the input, I completely forgot I had posted this..

I have to admit i'm offended that sexual abuse was suggested and that it got rambled on about for so long.

I do understand where people are coming from, it does happen & it is more often people that you'd least expect.

But in this case i would never consider that my fiance would be cable of such a horrible thing.
It's just not in his nature end of story.

when Marlee was younger she went into hospital and needed blood tests and daddy had to hold her down and I refused to be in the room, we've always thought that may have played some part in it.

She's always around her dad, but I love being a parent so much I insisted on feeding her all the time when she was younger until it got to the point where she only wanted me to feed her.

Things are starting to get better, DH is doing long hours at work & Marlee is less clingy, i can actually leave the room or go outside without her crying.

I think it's just something that is going to take time like most of you have said, but thanks for giving me a rough idea of when.

P.s i recently went to see a specialist about Marlee's toes (she has clinodactyly toes) & i talked to her about the daddy issues, & she just said it would take time & to not give her attention when she does cry because it's just a game to her.

Marlee is getting blood tests because she is so petite the doc just wants to check if it's natural or if it's her thyroid or to check if she is a celiac. i think she's just little but it's better to be safe than sorry.

I'm glad it's starting to improve for you smile

Marlee is 18 months old, this has been going on for a year now.

She can't stand her dad.
What can i do, i think i need professional advice.

We've tried little things like he gives her treats and things like that but it's not working some days she's okay with him and more often than not lately i can leave the house and she's best friends with him but as soon as i come home she doesnt want a bar of him.

He'll ask for a cuddle and put his arms out and she'll drop to the floor and start screaming, he'll pick her up and she'll start crying.
Sometimes he'd just have to walk past and she'd start crying.
Sometimes she'll allow him to pick her up while im there if he's going to show her something, but if i even glance at her she'll start crying.
She's cries that much that she holds her breath and sometimes faints if we're not careful.

It's both emotionally and physically draining for all of us. i just want it to stop. what can i do?

You can't say give it time, it's something she'll grow out of, we've tried everything we can think of and she hasn't grown out of it, it's been one year.

I feel for him it's embaressing for him, he can't pick his daughter up and give her a hug, sometimes when we're out and i'm struggling with something he can't just take her from me because she'll start crying.

I'm trying to just ignore her when she does this and tell her off, but she'll just stand there for 30 minutes if i let her, just sobbing.

If i'm not home it's like my role goes to someone else.
She doesn't anything to do with dad but she'll follow her pa around and won't let him out of her site.

has anyone else had this problem or something similar??
sad

Hi, first of all I would like to say you have been very patient, I feel for your family. You must remember she is with you 24/7, does your husband help out when you do things together? Children are not silly they pick things up at a very young age. Did they get to have a bond from the day she was born or did he go straight back to work? There are lots of little thing it could be. My dad (as silly as this is going to sound) had a mostache, our niece would not go near him when she was litlle, if she did she would cry and carry on. It really upset my dad as he is such a great dad & was so excited & proud when she was born. We all use to go over for tea on Sunday night, this happened for several weeks, it broke his heart. Then one sunday we arrived to see her sitting on my dads lap laughing as if nothing had happened. Expect it had, it was as simple as shaving off his mostache & even though she is now 8 he has never grown it back. Look at your pop, both sit down with him & see if there are any differences between your husband and dad. If you are really worried I would probaly suggest you all go to the doctors. Secondly, can I just say, & this is MY opion but I was pretty upset to read some of the comments being put on here, I don't think we need to get to name calling as a new mum I came to this site for advice & try to give some with the things I have been taught that might help, but when it gets to nasty comments it turns people off & they will stop using the site. We are all mums trying to do what is best for our children & hopefully make some good friendships along the way even if it is through a computer. For some it is all they have, especially if they have no family near them to help out.

Marlee is 18 months old, this has been going on for a year now.

She can't stand her dad.
What can i do, i think i need professional advice.

We've tried little things like he gives her treats and things like that but it's not working some days she's okay with him and more often than not lately i can leave the house and she's best friends with him but as soon as i come home she doesnt want a bar of him.

He'll ask for a cuddle and put his arms out and she'll drop to the floor and start screaming, he'll pick her up and she'll start crying.
Sometimes he'd just have to walk past and she'd start crying.
Sometimes she'll allow him to pick her up while im there if he's going to show her something, but if i even glance at her she'll start crying.
She's cries that much that she holds her breath and sometimes faints if we're not careful.

It's both emotionally and physically draining for all of us. i just want it to stop. what can i do?

You can't say give it time, it's something she'll grow out of, we've tried everything we can think of and she hasn't grown out of it, it's been one year.

I feel for him it's embaressing for him, he can't pick his daughter up and give her a hug, sometimes when we're out and i'm struggling with something he can't just take her from me because she'll start crying.

I'm trying to just ignore her when she does this and tell her off, but she'll just stand there for 30 minutes if i let her, just sobbing.

If i'm not home it's like my role goes to someone else.
She doesn't anything to do with dad but she'll follow her pa around and won't let him out of her site.

has anyone else had this problem or something similar??
sad

If I were you I would set aside some special time for her and dad, prepare some really fun things she loves to do, like play dough or painting, dont set any limits, let them get all dirty, get dad to get down to her level and play along beside her, make him show enjoyment he is getting out of this playtime. And really encourage it, yourself, oh daddy loves to play dough with you it makes him so very happy, see his big smile!!... Does dad work long hours away from home? Is he involved in her? My husband works 70 hours a week and still manages to come home and help bath kids, get down on the floor build a tower, draw a rainbow, and read bed time stories.. Its all about building a bond.
Is he loud? does he treat YOU well? she will be watching everything..
Good luck.

Marlee is 18 months old, this has been going on for a year now.

She can't stand her dad.
What can i do, i think i need professional advice.

We've tried little things like he gives her treats and things like that but it's not working some days she's okay with him and more often than not lately i can leave the house and she's best friends with him but as soon as i come home she doesnt want a bar of him.

He'll ask for a cuddle and put his arms out and she'll drop to the floor and start screaming, he'll pick her up and she'll start crying.
Sometimes he'd just have to walk past and she'd start crying.
Sometimes she'll allow him to pick her up while im there if he's going to show her something, but if i even glance at her she'll start crying.
She's cries that much that she holds her breath and sometimes faints if we're not careful.

It's both emotionally and physically draining for all of us. i just want it to stop. what can i do?

You can't say give it time, it's something she'll grow out of, we've tried everything we can think of and she hasn't grown out of it, it's been one year.

I feel for him it's embaressing for him, he can't pick his daughter up and give her a hug, sometimes when we're out and i'm struggling with something he can't just take her from me because she'll start crying.

I'm trying to just ignore her when she does this and tell her off, but she'll just stand there for 30 minutes if i let her, just sobbing.

If i'm not home it's like my role goes to someone else.
She doesn't anything to do with dad but she'll follow her pa around and won't let him out of her site.

has anyone else had this problem or something similar??
sad



Hi smile
I have this problem with DD1. My partner & i seperated when she was 18 months old & she didnt have much at all to do with him for almost a year. We worked things out & got back together, at first she was fine with him, but not long after she'd just tantrum when he tried to do things with her. She wouldnt listen to him, she would act out of character (like do things she knew he didnt like just to get a reaction, she wasnt like this with anyone else) whenever he tried to hug her, she's refuse & back away, when he'd pick her up from daycare she'd keep playing or not obey when he asked her to come with him, basically there just was no good relationship. Not much has changed yet. She's almost 4 now & she still misbehaves for him alot, but she's slowly getting better. We dont let her get away with the way she is with her dad, but their personalities just dont work together. She's a sweet natured, well behaved girl for everyone else. I have no problems keeping control over her myself.
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