Hi my name is Caroline and I have a 22 month old son Kade. He is a very independent little boy who likes to do things for himself. When we go out he always wants to walk by himself and won't hold my hand. he says "self" and if I try to hold his hand he sits on the ground and screams. He is also very attached to his dummy and although we only allow him to have it for his daytime sleep he constantly asks for it and cries and sceams if he can't have it. My husband gives in so we can have some peace and quiet but this just makes my son think that if he screams and cries for long enough he gets what he wants.
Now whenever he asks for something or wants to do something and we say no he kicks and screams and cries. I have tried putting him into his cot (he now sleeps in a big bed) as a time out but this only works for a few minutes and then he starts again.
I would appreciate any suggestions

Hi Caroline,
Wow, my life in a mirror!
We have a 'VERY TWO' year old in our life too. We have now taken her to the Allergy Clinic at the Royal Prince Alfred Hospital to help us try to work out what is causing so many problems in our lives. Most two year olds display one or two different 'terrible two' behaviours but we unfortunately display the lot which makes life very hard going.
We have given up on trying to remove the dummy (which is linked to food intolerances) but always insist that she take it out to talk to us as we do not want to encourage a lisp. Other symptoms of food intolerance we display are: still using newborn teats on her bottles (although it's more common for kids to chew the tops off the teats); night terrors; unprovoked aggression; and extreme tantrums. She's not ADHD but due to ear infections has unusual speech (but a wide vocab) as she has troble hearing.
We tried walking away from her the first time she threw a tantrum while out shopping but she just politely sat up on her knees, waved like a beautiful little girl saying "Bye" & then promptly lay back down on the floor & started the tantrum all over again.
When she has tantrums & misbehaves at home we put her in time out in her room & wait until she has calmed down & says 'sorry' before being allowed back to play. If she offends again we go through the process again. We stick to our guns at home but being out in public is always easier to give in as people stare, curse & carry on with a screaming child.
I can't offer many suggestions to you but allow you an ear of sympathy as you are not alone. Since putting our little angel on an elimination diet her behaviour has improved greatly. Maybe it's worth looking into (ph RPA Allergy Clinic on 02 9565 1464).
Best of luck,
Peta

Hi Peta,
Thanks for your reply. I'ts good to know I'm not the only one with a "terrible two" I would love to find out more about food intolerances. My son Kade is not a very good eater at the best of times and I wonder whether he is getting the nutrition he needs. I live in Perth WA so I might check out one of the Childrens hospitals here. Good luck with your little girl.
Caroline

My 23month old is just coming into the "terrible two's" and is really starting to throw some good tantrums. He also is very independent - always has been. If he doesn't get his own way he will cry, run around and throw himself to the floor. I try to quietly tell him that a tantrum is not going to help get his own way and try not to respond until he calms down. Other than that he is a good boy so i think that it is just a stage of the "terrible two's" that he is going through.

Well I still have a long way to go before the dreaded terrible 2's. My 15 month old son is an only child and believe me when I say that there are tantrums in this house every day. For no apparent reason or when he has reason, Riley (the devil in question) will throw himself backwards, scream bite and kick at every chance he has available. No matter how nice the tone of voice, if he thinks in anyway he is being pulled from something he wants, becareful because the horns protrude out of his head and there sits the son of SATAN. No over exageration, but he is truly that bad.
If anyone has any advice on how to deal with it, please let me know. I have tried Ignoring him. Placing him in his cot for timeout, picking him up or just plain yelling in frustration, nothing works.

hi, i am a mum of a 2 yr 3 month old little boy, and he has just started the temper tantrum stage, generally throwing toys and either hit his hands or his head on the closest door,cupboard or piece of furniture. This is very hard to watch him do things that hurt but i have learnt to turn around and ignore it because being an only child he craves on my attention and if he knows that i will not respond, look or talk to him while doing this behaviour then he stops and finds something better to do or eat that will give him my attention. If this approach does not work then i tell him he has to play on his own in his bedroom until he can behave properly. I know this is just the beginning of the next stage but at the moment it is working, now we just have to get toilet trained.

hi judi i have a 4 yr old and a 16mth boy then girl and both of them throw tantrums my 4 yr old does the same thing throws himself on the ground and kicks and screams and has now statred the slamming of doors and of course the 16 mth has to copy so not only does she have her own but tries some of connors tricks. we have done the ppp course but when they are having a tantrum nothing seems to work its very hard. I have found that if you walk out the room then there is no one to watch and then that doesn"t seem as fun.

Diet is deffinately something to think about -food colouring #102 is a big offender but everything is worth looking into. If it doesn't seem to be related to diet and comes on suddenly rather than being consistent it is fairly likely to be attention seeking. If time out in the cot doesn't work now you could try the pram or highchair, using the harness. Walk away for a few minutes once you know he's secure, then ask him if he's ready to be nice and take him out if he is calm. Consistancy is everything with tantrums. don't give in one day and be firm the next - make your rules and stick by them. Always think about your childs feelings and welfare, though.

Good Luck,

Broni.

Thanks to everyone who has sent advice on dealing with tantrums. We have tried many of the suggestions received and I'm happy to say we have been having some success. Kade is now 2 years old and is getting better every day. We have stuck by our guns and don't give in when he starts crying. He is learning to use good manners and can say please and thankyou most of the time. He also says sorry when he does something wrong. The only thing we need to work on now is getting his dummy away from him. He only has it for his daytime sleep and for about ten minutes before he goes to bed but asks for it a lot more often. With the new baby due to arrive in about six weeks we would love to break this habit soon. Any ideas?

hi kadesmum i too had dummy children connor my first had it until he was about 2 only for his day sleep then we took the plunge and sort of controlled cried him without the dummy after about 2 days he realised that there was no more at first the showing him that we put it the bin worked for a bit but then i was too weak and gave in but i really didn't want him to have it at kindy so we did it cold turkey . It may sound hard but it's just breaking the habit for everyone. We know if they have their dummy we might get an hour of peace to re energize but if we let them go without they may not sleep and then that means grumpy little angels. I learnt it is cruel to be kind but it's not only them getting to big for a dummy it's looking after their teeth. With our second i made sure she was 6 months it took us 3 days then she was off didn't even cry for it. So good luck .