Wow, my life in a mirror!
We have a 'VERY TWO' year old in our life too. We have now taken her to the Allergy Clinic at the Royal Prince Alfred Hospital to help us try to work out what is causing so many problems in our lives. Most two year olds display one or two different 'terrible two' behaviours but we unfortunately display the lot which makes life very hard going.
We have given up on trying to remove the dummy (which is linked to food intolerances) but always insist that she take it out to talk to us as we do not want to encourage a lisp. Other symptoms of food intolerance we display are: still using newborn teats on her bottles (although it's more common for kids to chew the tops off the teats); night terrors; unprovoked aggression; and extreme tantrums. She's not ADHD but due to ear infections has unusual speech (but a wide vocab) as she has troble hearing.
We tried walking away from her the first time she threw a tantrum while out shopping but she just politely sat up on her knees, waved like a beautiful little girl saying "Bye" & then promptly lay back down on the floor & started the tantrum all over again.
When she has tantrums & misbehaves at home we put her in time out in her room & wait until she has calmed down & says 'sorry' before being allowed back to play. If she offends again we go through the process again. We stick to our guns at home but being out in public is always easier to give in as people stare, curse & carry on with a screaming child.
I can't offer many suggestions to you but allow you an ear of sympathy as you are not alone. Since putting our little angel on an elimination diet her behaviour has improved greatly. Maybe it's worth looking into (ph RPA Allergy Clinic on 02 9565 1464).
Best of luck,
Peta, NSW, mum of 2 gorgeous girls