Hi, my son is really attached to me. I do work part time but only when I feel like it. I've been wanting to go to the gym and they have daycare there. I left him once for an hour. I checked up on him in 1/2 hour and he was fine sitting with the girl and blowing bubbles. So I went to do another half hour but when I got back she said he was screaming for the whole time except for when I came to look. He is a shy little guy but not for long with adults. He is really shy with kids. What do I do? I really need to work out.

Hi mirian have you thought about visiting the day care in your gym on a regular basis together. They say that children pick up on your vibes so if you are nervous about it or uneasy they will be too. Perhaps if you go a few times a week together greet the carer like an old friend and see if your child becomes familiar with the surroundings. I wouldnt leave him alone for the first couple of times and just see how he goes. I would even try to just sit at the back and let him venture off but knowing you are still there and not going to leave him with a strange person in strange surroundings. Then perhaps venturing off on your own for say half an hour and see how he goes. If all is ok then gradually increasing the time until you can do your work out in peace. I would try to make the visit SO much fun even when I am driving there say we are off to day care to play with the other kids and the name of the carer, trying to make it sound like so much fun is going to be had and this is a good thing. They say when you leave to say bye mum is going now I will see you in an hour or what ever. They say to not just leave or sneak out as this can cause mistrust in your child. I know this will be a pain for a while but perhaps it is worth a try. Do you have a friend with a child around the same age he knows that also wants to work out. That way he would have a friend he knows and it would not be too daunting to him. The only other thing would be to leave him with a friend or family member or to try to work out a roster with his dad so you too can have important time to yourself. Some children just dont adjust to day care but it is not very common and some children take an instant dislike to their carer. I guess we as adults at times do the same thing. I recently returned to my old job (with many changes and in a new building) so I know what it is like to be out there on your own. I too would have loved my mum to be with me for the first couple of days!! Try to stick to it I know it is very hard but hopefully things will work out in time. It is very important you do things for yourself or you can loose yourself. Good luck.

sorry mirian I forget they advise to not linger around the child once we have said goodbye. They say this in itself shows the child we are unhappy or uneasy with this and they will pick up on it. So the rule is to say goodbye, give a kiss and a hug, say I love you and will see you very soon and then walk out. Easier said then done and as you know only they can make you feel like such a cow for leaving them. I cried the first day my child went to day care it was terrible. He was screaming and trying to get out of the carers arms to get to me. I felt like the most evil mother in the world and that picture stayed with me for the whole day. I cried for most of the day and so did he. Now he is nearly 17 months old and he waves goodbye to me over the fence and goes off to play with his mates!! mummy who............. What I am trying to say is it does get easier.

Thanks Janeen, I will try it hopefully it gets easier smile)

Mirian,

This is such a common thing with children starting day care, and in particular boys who tend to suffer separation anxiety more, but what you should remember is that the staff at the day care centres are very experienced with such situations.

Your son probably settles in happily 5 minutes after you leave. The only problem is that the last picture you have for the day of your son is him crying.

It then stays on your mind all day - I know.

Just try and say to yourself that he is in good hands with people who understand and are experienced in dealing with children.

You should find that being in day care will eventually build his confidence.


Good luck.

Therese

Hi Mirian, I know from experience how anxious a parent can be when leaving a child in care for the first time. I am about to look at it from your side of the fence when I start taking my 2 1/2 yr old son to care for the first time. I have had a good look at the centre, spoke to the director and got good vibes from the whole thing so I am looking forward to the break. My son has never left me before and I am dreading the initial separation anxiety I know to expect but I know he will improve. There are tricks you can use to help. I am enrolling him on the same day as my friends son and the two will be in the same room together. On the first day stay a while and be prepared to take him with you, stay for a shorter time each time to make the transition easier, and take along a comfort item if necessary. ALWAYS say bye and reinforce when you will return, eg after a sleep, and always show interest in what they have done. Never be afraid to ask the caregiver how they have gone and consider having them write a brief journal for you to keep on his activities and areas of interest so you can continue these at home. The more often he attends the faster he will settle and keep in mind the '3 day blues'. It is common for children to be good on the first novel day and to react on subsequent visits because they realise it's not a novelty. Staff are trained to deal with these sorts of things and some kids settle faster than others. The older they are, the harder it is so stick with it and try not to feel guilty. You are no good to him if you don't look after yourself first.

my 21month old son went to day care this morning i walked down at 11:15am i planned him to stay til 2:30pm as he has never been around other kids or away from me,the woman walked him out side while i was there i heard 1 lady yell at a girl cuz she kept crying but thought my son would be fine but i had to wait and fill out forms and stuff.i left at 11:35pm heard him crying his heart out with tears saying "mum,mum,mummy" he was standing around corner out front..no one was there watching another lady cum in from back i was still waiting to pay my bond$25 anyways the lady done it for me and i told her "my son is out front(a fence of couse was there) crying..and she seem surprised so after she went and got him so i could leave and i could hear him crying i felt awfull thinking maybe i should get him but didnt..i had to walk home(2blocks from daycare) to get his hat and dummy i forgot and walked back by then he was inside every kid and babie was inside for lunch but he threw the bottle at lady wouldnt eat custard and was crying til i walked in gave him his dummy,,and he stopped crying i took him around near toys he sat down plaed with toys so i left then i heard him crying"mum,mum,mummy" cum back at 2:30pm lady told me"he was gr8 just woke up"..not looking forward to next teusday...