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  5. toddler and younger sibling - being fair??!!

toddler and younger sibling - being fair??!! Lock Rss

Hi this may be a really silly question but I really need some advice... My husband has enforced that my son (3yrs 7 mths) must eat all his tea or go to bed, so have supported that, but our daughter (15 mths) is allowed to leave whatever she pleases.. which i think is ok too because she is still young (even though she normally eats more than me)
but i dont want to say its ok for one and not the other especially when my son is not coping with being the older one and is talking baby sounds, wetting his pants, and trying to suck on my breasts ( even though i havent breast fed my daughter for over 12 months). My husband is favouring my daughter in many ways and i am fed up with having to be the mediator in the arguments between my son and my husband.
But tonight was enough when my son didn't like his chicken and my daughter didn't like her potato... my son was ordered to go to bed, yet my daughter was allowed down to play. I am not sure if I am being silly or what I should do. I just dont think we are setting a good example to our son by saying he must eat all his tea when his sister doesn't have to eat hers, even though she is still young. Can anyone help me?????????? Any ideas of how to deal with this??

Blaine 3 yrs 7 mths and Emma 15 mths

I also have a 3.5yr old son..Gotta say, without causing offence, we would never send him to bed if he didnt eat all his dinner. Why should he be punished for that?? Even without a younger sibling, that seems very harsh..All littlies go thru eating more or less at different times and develop likes and dislikes just as we do. As far as it being fair that he goes to bed and his sister doesnt, well no, its not..try and see it from his point of view maybe??
I know we limit how much my DS has to drink at dinner time as i dont want him filling up on liquids..However sometimes he just wont eat much for dinner. He is usually a good eater and providing its not a regular occurence that affects his health or nutrition, i dont mind. I have heard and read, that if you make a big deal out of them not eating, it becomes a bigger issue, as any attention, whether good or bad, is attention.
Maybe you could find some reading material for your husband on toddlers behaviours etc. so he could look at the whole thing from a different perspective??
We have a good book called "Your childs emotional needs-what they are and how to meet them". have a flick thru at Borders or something. There are plenty of others however,like re:a new sibling etc.
Again, i mean no offence and wish you good luck in helping yr DH see that he is not being fair..
All the best..

DS1,5yrs,DS2 2.5yrs..I love my beautiful boys!!

i have 2 boys about the same age as your kids, it sound like your son may be a bit jeleous of the way your daughter gets treated so is reverting to baby ways to get the same treatment, i havent had this problem but have been well aware that it could happen, kids need dicipline at your sons age but i think you may need to start diciplining you daughter too maybe not as much as your son but enough that he can see hes not the only one that gets in trouble when he does something wrong but i think sending him to bed for not eating may not be the way, we have trouble getting our eldest to eat and we just tell him that if he doesnt eat he doesnt get the things he wants and if he still doesnt eat i wrap his dinner up and thats what he can eat if hes hungry later, its such a tough age gap cause the big kid understands too much and the little one not quite enough. its hard to find a good balance between the 2. good luck.
[Edited on 01/07/2007]
i just realised i replied on a new topic page.. sorry. Thank you for your honesty and i will try the book idea and actually have the facts and information to sit down with him. he is being unreasonable and I need to put my foot down before our son spirals out of control and resents not only us but himself as well. Thank you

Blaine 3 yrs 7 mths and Emma 15 mths

and yes mummytocuties your right in that discipline is needed but i agree he shouldn't be sent to bed for not eating his tea.. sometimes we as adults dont want to eat all our tea and it is unfair to expect him to eat it all or go to bed. Thanks for the advice

Blaine 3 yrs 7 mths and Emma 15 mths

Hey Tikiblem,
There are all different areas on here that may also help. Like feeding yr toddler, how to cope with a new sibling etc. I think lots of parents have various dilemmas with meal times and its great to share and get ideas from others also. Apart from the toddler section, theres also a section in the general baby topics, that has a "general discussion" area. Ive seen many posts regarding the older child/toddler reverting back to baby talk etc to get attention. Try different questions in different threads as some are alot more active than others..
Hey, and good luck with yr hubby!!!!!!!!!!
Have a great day:)

DS1,5yrs,DS2 2.5yrs..I love my beautiful boys!!

Hey
Just wanted to say that my 3year old has days when she eats hardly anything, and only 1 or 2 things go off her plate... then the next day she eats everything and asks for more.
But I make her the same amount everyday, and just go with the flow.
My Hubby says too, "If you don't eat it you can go to bed" and I altho we have a policy of always backing up each other's discipline, that is something I just couldn't agree with so I had to ask him not to do it. It was a very difficult "dsicussion" which said a lot about the way he was brought up, and also how I wanted to bring my children up.
I know one of the arguments I used was that EXPERTS say that if you force a child to eat their whole plate, they do not develope the concept of "fullness" and so will always eat too much, regardless of if they're full or not. and that leads to obesity and other food-related issues.
good luck it is hard enough bringing up two littles without having to educate husbands as well!!!!

3 girls under 3

phew.. i thought my husband must have been the only one lol.. ty jen for that advice.. you just made me feel so much better and that i am not alone. We have had the talk and actually read a few things from books and off the net. We have now agreed there will be no more "eat your tea or go to bed" since then my son has eaten most of his tea anyway without us demanding. thanks everyone.. it was really nice to have that support
take care

Blaine 3 yrs 7 mths and Emma 15 mths

I don't believe sending him to bed is the answer ... I use food with food, if my 2 year old doesn't eat his dinner he doesn't get dessert, he may just simply not be hungry. I use the same rule for my step daughters when they stay, they are much fussier eaters than my son so they know if they want dessert they have to eat dinner, I don't always have dessert though so sometimes they eat it all and expect dessert and I tell them you don't get dessert every night ... hope that makes sense ... I understand the father daughter thing, my youngest step daughter is 4 and is very much babied by her dad, but my son 2 is supposed to toughen up - Dad's Huh!!!

Lisa - Tyler (06/05), Emily (05/07)

A totally personal opinion only but I just really don't think a child should be 'forced' to eat if they do not want it. I do have a friend who enforces her child eat all his dinner before he leaves the table and know many people do but it is not a rule in our house. Rather a rule in our house is if you don't eat all you dinner you don't get anything else to eat after dinner besides plain milk or an apple. Every household works differently though on this matter and I guess its just a matter of negotiating on a set of rules that works for your house. I do however think one set of rules should apply to everyone though.

Good luck
Jo

i have a boy same age and a 8mth girl and we have just gone through similar things. i made sure all of us would eat at the table with no distractions...tv etc, alot of praise (like well done for eating all that chicken or potato etc) which is a hard one for me as i am a pretty reserved person, and if he refused to eat or all of it then that was that....nothing more to eat until breakfast. its hard to know how much a child should be eating i know my boy doesnt eat the same amount every day even if they are the same meals.
but im also in the process of managing my partners behaviour as well, our 3 year old is easily picked on cos he does things that we think he should understand, and 8mth old always get the "your such a good girl" response its a hard one keeping everyone pleased?
We have EXACTLY the same scenario with our two boys (one is 3 and the other 2).
Although we've made a stand with Mr2 the last couple of days. He's not allowed to have his bath until he's eaten at least some of his vegies and some of his meat, and if that doesn't work he goes to bed for 2 minutes at which point he's asked if he'll eat his dinner, he agrees, has only one bite then we have to go through the whole process again.

Mr 3 is told that if he doesn't eat HIS dinner there is no T.v. tonight. This is usually motivation enough, though the bed-time thing worked in the early days for him. (why is DS2 so stubourn?)

But so long as he's eaten most of his dinner and had a good go at everything, then we let him off the hook. I don't expect them to eat every last bite.

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