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married but feel like you are a single parent! Rss

I must say that I'm very dissapointed in my husband as a parent. I do everything on my own, Anyway my husband is always hinting at me going back to work yet I have to inspect the child care centres alone.
The night before a job interview he could not keep our son entertained so that I can print out my resume iron my clothes etc...he expected me to do it all in the morning with my son clinging to my leg.
If I cant prepare and be reliable for an interview how can I be reliable and punctual for a full time job, I cancelled the interview now my husband says I'm making excuses.
Not my fault that he is more interested in watching tv than giving me the help I need with our child.

Vic, 3 y.o boy

Unfortnately, some hubands/partners lifestyles do not change when a baby arrives. They still have the mentality that it is a womans job!

I think age has alot to do with it, and whether you have friends who have kids and how their partners/hubands behave.

If you don't mind me saying, if you do not want to work and don't have to don't. Don't return to work because he wants you to, do it if you want/need to.
At the end of the day, you need to make sure you are happy and that your child is happy as well.

As for hubby, tell him you are fed up with his behaviour and that you need him to help around the house and be a dad.

My hubby got a bit slack once, I gave him a bag and showed him the door. I told him that he wanted a baby as much as I did, and that it takes 100% from both parents to raise kids and have a happy marriage. Since I scared him, he has been great!!! lol.
My way of dealing with the fact that my husband (who is the one that wanted our third child so much after a nine year break) is to walk out and let him look after our active toddler for a few hours. Whether this means I go shopping or visit my mum, it gives me a break and I think it allows him to realise it's just not that easy.
I know it's hard to get things done, but with something as important as an interveiw, maybe it would have been easier to just get the nessesary things done while your son was asleep. I know this is a pain some times, I know he should help, after all he is both of your son and you need time to relax as well. However, if he's not going to help, then you need to help yourself. Talk to him tell him how you feel, you may have to repeat yourself several times, but I would like to think eventually things will change
Good luck

Vic, mum of three

This post has been edited by the moderator.
I know exactly how you feel the only thing is i'm not married to him. All he wants to do is go to his mates house or be out in the shed I work part time study part time and i am a full time Mum ( i work early mornings and am finished before he has to go to work so we dont have to put the kids in childcare) and he expects me to do everything which i cant i only ask him to put the dishes away every night 5 min job and on a monday night to watch the kids while i go to my gym class which isn't hard because the kids are in bed when i leave anyway. But in reply all i get are constant complaints and him whinging about the toys when he treads on them on the floor. We just had a huge arguement about this yesterday and he changed for 2 hours he actually sat in the sand pit and played with the kids and he loved it. and he has promised to spend all day on sunday doing what the kids and i want to do. and we are going on holiday for a week soon so i hope that the time away with the kids will do him good and he will realise how much fun he can have
I too have the problem of being married but feelin glike a single parent. My husband used to be wonderful all my friends were jealous that I had such a great husband romantic, funny, thoughtful everything I ever dreamed of so when i got pregnant and he shut himself off from me it was a HUGE shock He hardly ever touched my belly and one night when I was really tried I asked him to do the washing up for me and his reply was "no you do it it will be good for you" I worked full time up until 3 days before I had my little girl and I was totally exhanusted!!
Then when I had my baby things just got worse in the hospital he insisted on staying up all night in the hospital room with me and watching TV I got no sleep. Then when we got home he was completely rude to visitors and people who were phoning me telling them I needed rest and basically to stay away. He would not them and he will not now listen to ANYTHING that I say in regards for caring for our daughter he thinks he knows everything and I constantly have to tell him things over and over again like not to excite her with tickling etc. at bedtime therefore I am a nagging wife.
Then when she was 6 months he wanted me to go back to work - only for one day but still I didnt want to go and he said again "it will be good for you" he is also insanely jealous of my mother and her relationship with me and my baby.
So now that our daughter is nearly 12 months old I feel that I am entitled to some time out say to go to the movies with my friends or a few drinks at a friends barbeque while he stays home and looks after bubby (I have only been out once since she was born while he babysat for 4 hours) but he will not let me.
I need help HOW can I make him see that I need time out???
I am also worried about leaving her with him because he "forgets" things such as to offer her a drink regularly or when to feed her and change her nappy

HELP ME PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Post deleted by administrator.
I know this sounds strange, but if you can, go away for a night or two.When my boy was a little over 12 months i was going to start my own business and i went away on a 2 night trip to find products.I was feeling exactly like you before i went.I was anxious about leaving but i had my mobile so could call or be contacted any time. By the time i got home, my husband REALLY appreciated what i do!
Even if you just go and stay half an hour away and you say you are only coming home if the house burns down, i think he will get the point, and if you think the Dad;s are going to forget to do things, get a friend or relative to call in and make sure you child is getting everyhting it needs, and get the friend to check in with you after their visit.
Awwww it sounds like you are having a really hard time. Sorry I can't really give any helpful advice but I can say that I feel for you and I hope things get better soon. My hubby is damn useless when it comes to our 16 month old son. I end up doing most things as well as work fulltime as I can't be bothered wasting my precious energy on arguing with him!
Every now and then I do on call work for a local motel and recently they called to ask if I could work. I said I wasn't available as I didn't feel content leaving my son at home with his Dad. I had these visions of him walking down the driveway while his Dad sat glued to the telly. Anyway the day came that they had wanted me to work on and they called me in desperation as they had been let down by another worker. I agreed to help them out and told hubby he would have to babysit. In hindsight I think this was a great thing for me to do as dh felt responsible and did a great job with our son. Now I can feel at ease when I walk out of the house and leave him with his Dad. I dunno but maybe some of it is that they don't feel they need to do anything because we will do it anyway?
I now this might sound strange but I think you should make time for just you and your husband, just like myself your baby has come along and she taken up all your time. My partner is very similar he wouldn't touch me when I was pregent and his not the type of father I had hoped for my son, but I just have to remember that he loves Lachlan and he'd do any thing for him. My mum and are very close and she makes sure that once a fortnight my partner a I spend an evening together ALONE. Also try not to tell him how to parent her its hard I know, but when he tickles her make him try to settle her.
I hope this helps

Larissa,NT 14mths

if i tell my husband what to do, he wont do it. but if i ask him nicely, if he could help me out with these and that, he will do it.although,sometime,it takes a long time for him to do it...(until sometime,he forgetting it:)he..he..)

alisha,nsw, 3 yrs

Hi Scorpion,

Its the sad truth that men are like that: its in the male gene.

When you are dating and move onto marriage, its a progress to a new level and when we have kids thats another level and each time u grow on your relationship new responsibilities arise and we have to adapt to them ensure that they function properly and orderly.

Women are able to do this smoothly and within a time frame but men are either slower or incapable of doing so and they act in the manner that they would when you are dating and this in turn causes conflict in a relationship.

My husband was like that before and would always say that I get it so easy and being a mum and wife is a "not so hard" job etc etc... but after much needed discussion he finally gets the picture!! I think we have to stress to our man that parenting is a share responsibility and the same goes for a marriage, there is no such thing as a "woman's job" thats all a load of bs!!

You need to talk with him til he gets it! Or even better get a job (temp or part time) and let him mind your bubs to give him a taste of what you do and im sure its not easy and he should appreciate you for all your hard work.

Take care,

if you need to talk more or any mums wana discuss this topic or just parenting in general give me an email (i'll reply to them promptly) at ldy.phnx@gmail.com

Phoenix
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