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Jaida's stepbrother ....... Lock Rss

Hi ladies,

Just wanted to know if any of you have experienced the same as this. My partner has a 6yr old son from a previous relationship and we have him once a month for the weekend. My problem is whenever I'm around him I feel completely frustrated and annoyed, which I honestly feel terrible about. I feel he's always doing things he shouldnt be, he never listens and is just really rude. Understandably he comes from a totally different environment to what we have here (he has 3 other brothers to 3 different dads ... whenever we go to pick him up they're all running around in the dirt with only nappies on, no shoes, filthy as etc etc, which I could never do), and whenever he's staying here his dad and I are constantly arguing which we never do usually. I'm at my wits end as to what we can do to deal with this situation. Jaida loves him to bits, but I don't want her picking up his bad habits ... and would really like to have a good relationship with him.

Help anyone ??
JaidasMum24

Jaida (6), Ameli (2) & Lacey (2mths) - SA

My husband has a 7 yr old son - you have to be firm and have rules at your house, they get to know the differences, also try not to fight but discuss things after kids asleep. if they notice a division they will play on that. It is hard when they dont see you that often either as they have a whole month in between visits working on their bad habits.
hi Jaidas mum.
Maybe my kids stepsister comes from the same family lol. No seriously, i feel the same way you do whenever she stays with us it creates so much tension because she seems to think she can do whaterver she likes cause shes only here weekends. She constantly plays us all against each other and her mother must bad mouth us, mainly me to her because she has a bad attitude. the latest thing she said to me is "my dads only with you cause you have boys, thats why he left mum cause i was a girl, mum told me" its not like i can say no, he left your mum cause she was sleeping with his mate is it?
im at my wits end too. but i understand she is my partners daughter, so i have to put up with it. oh shes only 10 too.

The Deeks 07/08/02, Googie 23/11/04

Whoa, welcome to my world a couple of years ago. My stepdaughter wouldn't listen to me, played me and her father off against each other. She even told me last year that she wished it was still just her and her dad. Or that she wished her mum and dad were still together (she wasn't even 2 when her mother walked out). But like you Lilmiss - you can't say, "well your dad would never take your mum back cause he caught her in bed with her workmate".

My partner and I realised that this was affecting our relationship. We had to combine forces. We set down rules with her and reminded her that she would not be able to play us off against each other as we would be talking to each other a lot more. She was also reminded that things would not be going back to how she wanted them (ie. her and her dad).

I know now that she was bumming out because she's never known her mum and dad being together, and now she's got two half siblings who have their mum and dad together. And yes, I do favour my two. They are afterall my children. I do buy my stepdaughter things of course, but she's got a mother who now spoils her and my children shouldn't be missing out just to make her happy. I know some people will see this as quite harsh.

Rere, NZ, mum of three

No way, its not harsh at all. Im the same. My step daughter just demands and demands. We pay $80 a week in Child support. Yet every weekend we have to drive 2 hours to get her, so thats 2, 4 hour round trips, petrol out of our pocket. Then its "I WANT" all weekend. At her house she has a tv, dvd player, video, stereo, playstation 2, computer etc all in her room because she is spoilt by her mum. She just got a freaken ipod for her birthday, shes 11!! Now she expects us to fit her out with the same here, not to mention she expects pocket money, cause i bank money for our boys each week. Her mum demanded $200 for a school camp this week. Isnt that what we pay CS for?

Unfortunately, we cant sit her down and lay rules out, because she looks on that as me "picking" on her, and tells her mum, and all hell breaks loose. We have tried to lay rules out before, but she chooses what she wants to do and thats it. If she gets in trouble here, her mum wont let her back for 3 months. There is only one thing i ask her to do here, thats pick up wet towels, when she left on sunday, after 3 days here i pulled 7 wet towels off the floor in her room. Who uses 7 towels in 3 days?

I get so frustrated and end up in tears over it sometimes. DP tries to be supportive, but the ex really has him over a barrel. Do what she says or dont see your daughter. Oh and we have been to court, but it doesnt stop her. The fact is, and i may sound like a horrible person saying this, but i dread her coming here, because every week its some kind of drama. Ive been with DP for many years and it just gets worse as the time goes by. I have no idea what to do about the whole thing!

The Deeks 07/08/02, Googie 23/11/04

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