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  5. 3yr old and dad argue all the time!!!

3yr old and dad argue all the time!!! Lock Rss

Hi everyone,
I was just wondering if anybody else has experienced problems with their toddler and dad.
My 3yr old son very rarely listens to anything his dad has to say, I am a sahm most of the time (work 10hrs a week),
So I am the main parent, it has always been that I have to do most things for him he just refuses to let daddy help most of the time!! Bed time is always drama, even though he will occasionally let daddy put him to bed it always turns into an argument anyway because he won't lie down or he sets out to upset daddy somehow.
I have tried to encourage them to spend more time one on one, Daddy takes him to learn to swim, but most lessons seem to end in an argument too!!! Is he just seeing how far he can push daddy??? Is it a clash of personalities??? I wish it would STOP!!! I feel like I'm always intercepting a childish tiff. HELP!!!!!
LOL no one seems game to touch this topic - i can tell you it happens...

Get a hold of a copy of the book Raising Boys, and it will put a lot of things into perspective for you.. i am a married, but single mum to five children between the ages of 20 and 3(my second husband still lives overseas)... my middle child clashed, and still clashes with her father terribly (ex-husband), actually both my girls do - why, cause they are both like me...lol

i know most people tell you that all little boys need a positive male role model from birth and all that stuff, it is not entirely true... they need a positive PARENT to learn from...

also around 2-3, the amount of testosterone in their little bodies is through the roof - he is trying to sort out who the alpha male is going to be... can i tell you there will be a happy ending, sadly i cannot... you won't know until he is a grown man...

i know one of my brothers and my father clashed horribly, and that never fully resolved itself (he is now 37...lol), but that is just a worst case senario... most i know end up being able to share a barbie with the old boy and get down with it...

hang in there, don't stress so much, and you'll be fine... do not bribe, don't make a big deal of it, it happens... lets hope Daddy can see past it though...lol

Good Luck!!! gasp)
[Edited on 08/08/2007]

mum of five, grandma of one

Thanks Chellebee,

Glad to hear its pretty norm

Being a first and only child so far, I never know what to expect!?!?
Hi there

you're not the only one dealing with waring males. My nearly 3 year old (only child too) and his Dad argue also. My son has developed a love of the "No" word and shouts it with pleasure at his Dad (and me) any chance he gets, but unfortunately Dad doesn't have the patience I have and most nights end up as a screaming match before bed. I know my son is just in the "No" stage and it will pass but my husband just can't seem to get it and see's it as some sort of afront to his manhood. Don't get me wrong, my husband is the most caring, no argumentative man I know but he can't seem to stop himself bickering with a toddler. Men of all ages are sent to try us aren't they. I am beginning to think that not only, as suggested, quite rightly, it being a testosterone thing, it may be a little bit of a jealousy thing also. As we all know a baby/toddler takes up a lot of Mum's time and poor old Dad does miss out abit.Well now baby is getting older and starting to feel the jealousy thing himself as you have a bit more time to spend with Dad, and toddler must now share you, but Dad hasn't really gotten over his jealousy yet - so here comes the testosterone and the fireworks. Strangely though even through the bickering they are beginning to become inseperable. Maybe that's a good sign.

Sully!

Thanks for that forstace,

It is SLIGhTLY BETTER!!

Hubby has been trying to be here a bit more lately, leaving for work later so he can have brekkie with Lo and doing more one on one things with him of a weekend!!


It is improving, but he is 6mths older now too, just hit 3.5yrs so maybe the age is improving too??

Thanks again, at least I know Im not alone wink
hello i have a 2.3yr daughter who has a thing against her daddy too.

i have no idea what started it or how to help it. it start soon after my second daughter was born. she loves or 2nd daughter to death and is very protective of her now 5mths.

but when it comes to daddy she screams and yells at him hits and kicks him, tells him to go away. and the only time she is good with him is just before bed cause he reads her stories and i made a habit of making him do it cause i thought it would help them out.

i need some help in fixing it as it is really starting to upset me, and him more

any ideas will be great

Hi Lucy :0)

Maybe it is an age thing too????

I really dont know.... I just kept encouraging them to do one on one things together all the time...

Go to the park for a play, take a walk,cook, play outside etc...

I too made sure daddy did the bedtime stories etc to try and help them interact together, my son is now 3.5yrs and it is still a battle occasionally....

Not all the time, but when he is tired or unwell Daddy really cops it and cant win any way he tries....

I think discipling it sometimes is also required... If she hits daddy maybe you need to put her on time out for a while and make her realise that it really isnt acceptable!!

GOODLUCK!!
funny... no not really but I was here to post the exatct topic!!! My son who is 3 and my husband who is 39fight like two kids. When I say to my husband this is the way to deal with it... he says no do you know what he did to me. I cant believe he is 39 sometimes.

I then try and talk to my son, I tell him he is not to yell at anyone especially daddy and daddy is like mummy you need to listen. But my son still dobs on him like he is a child too!!!! It is really hard I know

I too amke them have one on one time at the park or in daddys shed making something but they always seem to come back arguing. I have told my hubby if he is doesn't change a 3 year old definatly wont and they will never have a good relationship, as I knw it gets harder as they get older.
[Edited on 05/02/2008]
I am in a similar situation except its the step father. My husband has raised my eldest boy since he was 9 months old, he is going to be 4 next month. I think the problem was that my husband had forgotten how to deal with a young child again as his children at the time were into their teens. He cares for our son deeply and does lots of things for him but they dont seem to be very close. The other night he was sick and sitting on the lounge with us and when I moved to get something for him I suggested that he cuddle up to daddy for a bit but he refused. We have since had another child together and he will go to both of us equally. Maybe its because he can sense a difference between himself and his little brother. But it does upset me because his real father has never wanted anything to do with him. I have also tried the doing things one on one between them but it makes no difference. At least it is a bit heartening to know it happens with biological fathers too.
I have the same problem with my 3 1/2 year old son. They are so similar in personality that I think maybe they do clash. It is really hard on his dad and there is nothing I can do about it. I just hope he gets over it soon. It's horrible isn't it??
[Edited on 16/09/2008]
it is such a relief to know my son isnt the only one that gives his dad a hard time. I'm gonna have to get my hubby to read this post so he knows he is not the only one having to deal with this prob.
[Edited on 16/09/2008]
Hi

Just another angle to look at is that your boy probably gets a kick out of getting a rise out of his Dad so will argue for the sake of it.

It takes two to argue, your DH as the adult should not enter into arguments with a three year old, if your son doesnt do what he's told then he needs to know the consquences but if your DH is just going to argue back and forth he's just perpetuating the behaviour in your child. Its pretty hard for a child to hold an argument with himself... so DH needs to recognise whats happening and stop himself from buying into it.

It doesnt get him anywhere so why keep arguing? Children need clear boundaries, if you say no mean no, tell them to do something dont ask and if they dont then use time out or whatever you want.

I have a 2 1/2 year old whose testing us big time and we've found the most effective way is warn, then act - dont debate, dont ask, dont give choices and dont argue, you just prolong the agony smile
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