What does everyone with parents do for christmas? RE: extended family

Hi, we have a very messy family as I dont speak to 3 of my siblings that are close to my dad, who doesnt bother with us anyway so we never see him on xmas day. We always combine seeing my mum/stepdad and my inlaws for lunch so we are all together, we usually have it here, and my husbands brother comes, and if my sister and her kids are up they join us too. Before kids we quite often saw our parents separately but now we just do it all together as they get on well and we arent dragging the kids around everywhere.

It's hard when you don't get on with certain family members and I'm sure most families have some sort of issues to work around. I don't know your situation but we have both our families living nearby and we usually see my family on xmas eve and DH's mum & partner on xmas day, but have in the past often combined seeing them all together for lunch at our house as they all get along.
DH is not close to his dad and doesn't talk to his brother so we don't really bother with them except for a phone call to his dad.
As Kazzzav said, you want to avoid having to drag your kids all over the place on a day that should be peaceful and relaxing.

My parents live 5 hours away so we just alternate years. This year we are at my parents. Not sure what will happen next year as we've had a bit of a falling out with dh brother and his wife.

A few years ago we had lunch at dh's parents and then tea at my aunties house (they live 20mins away )

My drama is that we spent Christmas lunch with my mum and brothers last year and saw the in-laws in the morning. This year my mum has moved almost an hour away and expects us to have Christmas morning with her and then drive back to make lunch with the in-laws. It wouldn't bother me if we had an older child but last year was the first Christmas we had with our daughter and we didn't get to open her presents from us until 7:30 that night, due to rushing around after others. This year I wanted to see the in-laws for lunch and then my family for dinner so that we can actually have the experience of seeing our child (who might possibly be our only one) open her presents on Christmas morning. All my mum see's is that I am favouring my mil and I should be spending Christmas with her first. I don't know how to make her understand from my point of view.

That sounds like a good plan tarz, hope your mum will understand. Xx

doublewammy wrote:
That sounds like a good plan tarz, hope your mum will understand. Xx

I wish she would but apparently I'm being unfair.

Lots of families have issues around Christmas. We have been married for 18 years and our DD is 8 and the twins are 5. We have learnt that we do what is right for us. Not everyone else. If we are home we have an open house for lunch and dinner. Whoever want to come. But we do not go out. It is a day for us to spend with our kids and family who can be bothered. I don't think it's fair for the kids to wake up unwrap present and then be told they are going out and don't get to play with what they got.

Christmas before last the five of us and my Mum and Dad went away overseas for 6 weeks. It was one of the best Christmas's ever. We just worried about us and we had a ball. Then family and friends expected us to put Christmas on in mid January when we came back. We did but felt like it was a waste for us. Never again.

We are looking at going away again this Christmas. Family and friends have asked if we are doing Christmas when we get back and the reply has been NO.

I have no issues with family and friends coming to us when we are home for Christmas. But like all families we have issues with some members. So the rule is if you come all differences are left at the door. We have never had a problem since the kids have been born as we do what suits us.

Good luck. You need to put your little family first and if the extended family don't like it too bad.

Just my thoughts.

tarz13 wrote:
doublewammy wrote:
That sounds like a good plan tarz, hope your mum will understand. Xx

I wish she would but apparently I'm being unfair.

It sounds to me like she hasn't quite come to terms that you've got your own little family now, and that is the priority. Hopefully she comes around xxx

Ah, Christmas ... it does tend to bring out the worst in people ...

When we first got married and when DD1 was really young we used to split between both families based on the meal that was 'the meal' in the families. My family has always had lunch as 'the meal' and then dinner is just leftovers if you're still hungry from eating all afternoon where as DH's family has always done dinner as 'the meal' so we'd see my family for lunch and then DH's family for dinner. When we had DS it became problematic to fit in opening presents and spending quality time with both sides so we asked to alternate years and spend the whole day with one side on Christmas Day and the other side on Boxing Day one year and then swap the next year but we'd then also have something on the 27th with my family because it is my Mum's birthday so our kids didn't really get to spend any time with the presents from us until the 28th. That started to be frustrating so I asked if we could have Christmas day just for us the year DD1 turned 5. Now we see DH's family on Christmas Eve for the whole day, open presents with them etc and do a full day of Christmas. We then have Christmas Day at home just us (although last year we did invite DH's family to come and watch the kids open their presents but that was just for an hour or so and then they went home). We see my family on either Boxing Day or the 27th (depends if everyone is able to be there for the 27th because of work or not) and do Christmas for the 3rd time smile . At about 3pm we all walk out the door, then go back inside to have Mum's birthday so that the celebration for Mum's birthday is 'separate' to the Christmas celebration tongue . There were some hurt feelings, mainly from DH's mum, about not having Christmas Day with them anymore but she has come around to the idea.

Leisa.

My family always did a late lunch (3pm ish) for the Xmas day meal. And DH family generally does a immediate family thing for either lunch or dinner and the other is an extended family thing. So we have combined all of those. So our day goes:
*kids wake and we do Santa prezzies
*breakfast
*our presents and play etc with them
*light (slightly early) lunch with DH immediate family
*late lunch with my family
*dinner with DH extended family

(Or something to that effect anyway)

Reason we do both DH immediate family and the extended family things is that is sometimes the one day we see the extended family. But we still do the immediate family thing because then we can do presents to each other etc. and we are quite close to the family. But we don't do presents etc at the extended family thing.


This year I have no idea what is going to happen because I had a major falling out with my sister (she went psycho) and we are no longer talking. I have said to mum I am willing to be civil and be in the same room as my sister etc for things like Xmas and mums birthday etc but my sister wouldn't even do that for mums 60th so doubt she will for Xmas either. So not really sure what will happen. I still plan to have Xmas meal with my parents so if she doesn't like it she can just not come as far as I'm concerned...

With our extended family Christmas, we work out before hand between both sides what day suits everyone to "catch" up and do tea/lunch together. We only do one family per day. Think last year, it was my side of the family Christmas day at my place, then the following day at my inlaws place with that side of the family. Other times it might have been several days before Christmas.