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over reacting ?? combined family Lock Rss

Back ground ....
i have 2 children (6yr son & 4yr daughter) and my partner has 2 (6yr daughter &5yr son) we dont live together and his kids dont see there mum at all , he works so there for his kids go to before& afterschool care / kindy 5 days a week my eldest goes to shool (usual hours) and my youngest goes to kindy 2 days, his kids dont do anything with his side of the family only him (altho he & the kids live with his mum &sis atm ) , where as my kids see there dad and nanny & grandad often...

The Problem ....
ok so the other day i took my 2 to the pool as they were having an open day so kids were free and his kids were at vac care/ kindy anyway so i sent him a msg about it just saying it was packed etc (was invited that morning by a friend after his kids were at school already)and he started having a go at me about how his kids miss out on so much cause he has to work etc so i sent a msg back explaining how my eldest thinks it unfair that his kids get to go to vac care & he doesnt.. no responce so i thought about it and sent a msg saying well (his eldest)got to go to the movies , and local mini golf game centre with vac care and none of the other kids got to go so should i take them and leave her out because she had already been and he said no! then turned around and said it would be the same as him msging me from the big family thing we have planned on sat night, not taking us and asking what were up 2 ! it always seems to be a huge deal when his kids are left out but not mine ! in the past i have offered on a regular basis to take his kids places on my own so he has a break and i get time with them and he tlls me "no it's not your problem" we do a lot of stuff his kids and us when my kids are at there dads ( every2nd weekend) and i hardly do anything just me& my kids or me him and my kids.. unless we have a bday party to go which he stays away the night before cause he doesnt think its fair his kids dont get to go ! but even if we do move in together we cant turn up at every bday party 1 kid gets invited to with 4 kids ! i swear he's a girl sometimes ! plus his daughter is impossiable when my daughter is around ... take sunday 4 example Every time she walked past me and my daughter she would smack us i constantly told her to stop and she just wouldnt listen and she still got a treat from the shop now if that had of been the other way round my daughter would of got in so much trouble ! i know shes prob jelous cause she doesnt c her mum but still! so now im stuck taking his kids out cause his are apparently so hard done by ! when mine go to there dads which is gonna cost me 4 times the amount i spent on mine at the pool (which we only stayed half an hour anyway) and i really dont wanna take his daughter cause shes nice when she wants something but other wise she's impossiable! oooh so not looking forward to it last time i took her on my own she opened stuff so i had to pay for it !

any way if u got this far thanks and am i being unreasonable in not seeing the big deal in this?
or is he just overreacting xx

MUM TO RJ 28 10 03 & EJ 23 07 06

I dont think youre over reacting at all.I completely understand where youre coming from.I also have a blended family and it can be difficult at times.Luckily his kids are a little bit nicer too me.I really dont know what the answer is.You have to both find a happy medium and do things with both sets of kids.He also needs to understand a lil bit more where youre coming from.You also need to do activities with your kids without his and vice versa.In our house I want every one treated equal its harder said than done but it works most of the time.
I don't think your overreacting at all.
Perhaps you could mention the issues you are having with his dd and ask how he would like you to deal with it. Time out perhaps?
If he says your not to discipline his children then IMO he should not be discliplining yours.
As for his kids missing out. Just don't mention it to him, don't sms him to tell him where you are or what your doing. Sms a friend, parent anyone else instead. Sounds to me like he is using any excuse he can to pull the my kids are deprived card, perhaps he feels badly that his kids are in care all day, and is making a big deal out of small things to make himself feel better (geting it out) all be it the wrong way.
I wish you luck in dealing with this.
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