Do I Leave

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Oh sad i feel for you. I recently left my ex so i understand what its like. I guess only you know whether there is any chance of repairing the relationship. Have you guys talked about relationship counseling? Do you think he would be interested or willing to work towards it?

I guess at the end of the day you have to ask yourself whether this is how you want your DS to grow up. Is it good for him?

Do you have family or friends that you can stay with temporarily? Even for a break? Do you think he may realise what hes got when its gone kind of thing? Or are you past that point already?

There is a lot of help and support out there financially and in the community. It is possible to do it if that is what you choose to do.

... big hugs xx

Honestly, you just described my ex and that was 10 years worth of abuse and bs! All because I thought I was doing the right thing by staying because we had kids.

One word

Leave

The sooner the better, he isn't good enough for you and it most likely wont change. Please don't waste the amount of time that I did. You only live once! Make the most of it.

first of all go talk to centrelink. ask them if they can help out financially tell them you already have a job. They might be able to help out with child care fees and stuff.

if your dp is the father of your child give child support agency Australia a call.

as for some where to live do you have any freinds, family, relatives; who might be able to help you out with a roof over your head just until you are able to move in some where on your own.

cant think of who else to get in contact with at the moment but if i think of anything else i'll send another post.

it doesn't sound like he really respects you at all.

oh is the house you are in now are you renting or do you or he own it?

we are just renting, i do have friends i could stay with, but whenever i say i'm leaving his always like 'your not taking Taivan' etc etc i'll fight you for him, and i don't want him to take my baby boy away sad

i feel like i don't even want to fix it not even for the sake of our son i just want to get away from him but just can't imagine being alone.

As for childcare there is only 2 centres where i live both which are completely full and will not take anyone new !

i feel i'm trapped and too scared to leave but i know i am the only one who can leave and no one else can do it for me

He desn't mean take him off me completly as i am FAR from an unfit monther ! I do everything for my son his my whole world i wouldn't even let him take him away from me !

The fighting over him upsets me the most, one night we had a huge argument and i was holding him and he was trying to pull him out of my arms, i feel sick even writting that, i can't imagine how it sounds to someone on the outside..

we are just renting, i do have friends i could stay with, but whenever i say i'm leaving his always like 'your not taking Taivan' etc etc i'll fight you for him, and i don't want him to take my baby boy away sad

i feel like i don't even want to fix it not even for the sake of our son i just want to get away from him but just can't imagine being alone.

As for childcare there is only 2 centres where i live both which are completely full and will not take anyone new !

i feel i'm trapped and too scared to leave but i know i am the only one who can leave and no one else can do it for me

I used to get that too with him using the kids against me, can you pack your things when he is not there so you dont have to have the confrontation? Just let him know you will make arrangements for him to see your DS, maybe if you try to let him know you dont want to take him away from him then he will feel a bit better about it. It might not seem like it at first if he reacts badly but i think its important that he knows he will still see his son (if thats what you actually want to do)

Perhaps you could tell him you are seeking legal advice to help work it out, then he might be a bit more careful of his actions if he thinks you are doing that. And maybe just do that anyway so you know your basic rights when it comes to your DS and they can assist you in working out what will suit you guys and what is fair.

Realistically he works mon-fri so although he might say your not taking your son, he really cant look after him if hes at work can he. I was told by many people (including police) that almost always the dad doesnt do it (run away with the kid), they just say it. And my answer was that i didnt want to find out if he was one that would actually do it or not, but they assured me they see enough of it every day and that it is usually always just a threat.

About being alone, i think you are already alone. You will probably feel a huge weight lift off your shoulders and that will free yourself from the burden you deal with everyday. I worry about this too, but really try not to think about it too much now, in time once you are healed from this and actually ready then you will be able to let someone else in. Just focus on getting yourself and your son in a peaceful environment right now and everything else will follow in time.

Is there family day care organisations in the area? I really think a centrelink social worker might be able to help you track down a few services you may not know about so i would enquire about seeing one.

I remember feeling exactly how your describing and i never thought the day would come. I was fixated on it, i felt like it was all i constantly thought about - how was i going to leave, how was the perfect way to do it that wouldnt cause so much *. But there never will be a perfect time. I dont know what made me do it that day, but just something snapped inside me and i felt like the decision had been made for me...it was time to leave, it was suddenly simple.

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this, just know that soon you will look back on this time and be amazed by the strength inside you. Things will look up, it is one of the most difficult decisions but a very important one for your child and yourself.

All the best with everything xx

LEAVE!

say to yourself, "I'm better than this".

Men like your partner use fear and manipulation to suck the life and self worth out of someone. It's their issue not yours. Your son deserves more. Saying he'll fight you for custody is obviously a real issue, but let him. if you're a good attentive mother and you haven't cheated on him I can't see why a court would grant him custody. Visitation is obviously a real concern but cross that bridge when you get to it. Your future is very bleak for you and your child if you continue to subject yourself and his young life to this level of emotional abuse. You deserve more than this and if you can have a really honest conversation with yourself like you've outlayed here you don't need us to tell you what to do. You know. You're just crippled by fear and you need help and advice to better your situation. Be strong for your boy, you're all he has, listen to the excellent advice outlayed by the PP's and believe that you are worth more. Don't let fear keep you in a place that is never getting better and may very realistically end worse. Worry about the minutia when you're free of him. There is help and you can research your options before you make your move so you are prepared with a plan. For now, the main issue is being safe, protecting your son from emotional scarring and rebuilding your crushed self esteem. Get advice, seek help, make a plan and run while you have an ounce of self respect.

whenever i say i'm leaving his always like 'your not taking Taivan' etc etc i'll fight you for him, and i don't want him to take my baby boy away sad

Sounds even more like my ex now!!!

He said if I left that I'd never see the girls again. It never happened.
I left. With the girls. He wasn't really interested in seeing them.

He then said, if I registered with the child support agency to collect on my behalf then I couldn't get my stuff from the property we owned and that he'd take the girls and I'd never see them again.

Well, that worked for a while, until I realised he wasn't paying anything on our "private agreement" and I was having money deducted from family tax benefit because of the "child support" I was supposedly receiving.

I got csa to collect on my behalf and still none of the threats were carried through.

He was using the kids to manipulate me. It was the one thing that really got my attention. Threatening me with anything to do with the children made me do as I was told immediately.

For a while, until I figured it all out.

The reality is that you have plenty of rights that he can't take away from you! He can't take your child without good cause.

Also, simply splitting up does not mean that the child has one parent rather than two. They don't need to be fought over. There are mediation services available. Look up the family relationships centre.

Sorry to hear what you are going through. No one deserves to be treated this way, and you deserve better (and there is better out there!!!!) I think the fact you are asking the question "do you leave" is a big indicator something inside you thinks you should. In my opinion, if you don't do it for yourself, do it for your child. Regardless of a child's age, baby, toddler or older, they pick up on tension and this can lead to problems for them later in life.

I wouldn't worry about how you will cope alone etc, as sounds like you are already doing everything for yourself and child. You will be fine smile There will be times when it is hard, and maybe even days when you will question if you did the right thing leaving, BUT BUT BUT.... in the long run.... you will be better off, AND it will be easier.

Think of the beautiful like you could have for yourself, and perhaps sometime in future, an amazing partner who loves you and tells you every day how much you mean. Who showers you with affection, and helps with the housework and child/children if you have more smile

About leaving, try to contact a womens refuge. Also contact family or friends if there are any that can help. When you explain your situation you will be surprised the people who may want to help you. Try not to put obstacles in your way... like the custody of your child.... chances are it will go to you anyway if he is abusive. Hope things get better for you soon smile

I agree with the others. You need to leave this guy. He treats you like crap.
You are in an abusive relationship, and your son is learning how to behave from this guy.

you are describing ds1's father all over and that was before he put me in hospital.
i agree with the others run and dont look back if you have family else where in the same state go to them

as for him not being able to take your ds im sorry hog wash ds2s father took him for visitation i have been fighting since 08 to see ds2 DO NOT let him take your son even for visitation until you have at least done mediation

with ds2 his father barely even looked at him refused to feed him, change him or bathe him until i left and i have signed statements from witness's proving it and the abuse he subjected my ds1 to which he only did while i was out

under NO circumstances should you stay, think to yourself is this what i want my son turning into? because if you stay that is what will happen. he will see you partner treat you like that and he will think thats how you treat women.
sorry for being so blunt but i wish someone had told me this when i was going through it