I apologise for the novel to come.
It's been nearly a week since DP (I should say ex-DP but I can't right now) had a massive fight. I don't want to go into details here, but he said and did things that I cannot forgive. I can't for the sake of my sanity, and for my children.
I told him at the time we were done (on 3 separate occasions during the argument) because he had pushed me beyond anything that had happened before. He even mocked me saying it at one point, and I don't think he believes I was deadly serious.
But how do I do this?? Since Saturday I have not touched him, have barely been more than politely civil. I want to slap him every time I see him.
After everything had calmed down on Sunday, after the kids were in bed we had a quiet talk. I told him I would quit my job and organise things with Centrelink. That floored him, and he said he didn't want me to give up my job. I asked him what the hell he expected me to do then? And of course there were no answers....
We didn't say much else, I told him then that I'd appreciate being able to work until mid-November because people at work are booked for holidays and there's no one else to cover them, then I would begin sorting things out.
I was going to talk to him last night, but he was "sick" and pretty much went off into the bedroom nearly the whole time I was home. He's been tip toeing around me a lot (which is a unique situation. Whenever we've argued previously he always somehow gets the upper hand and I feel guilty, even over the smallest things, and try to make it up. Even when it's not my, or anyone's fault, as in something beyond our control goes wrong, he still somehow made me feel responsible and I'd try to fix it. Done now, don't care!!) and this morning showed his first sign of annoyance at me, which I cut him off from pretty quickly.
I don't want to be a bitch. I want to talk about it and actually make it 100% clear to him that we are not going to sort this out, but I want us to be.....if not friends, then not enemies. Does that make sense? We have 2 children, and I don't want this to be one of those break ups where we want to slit each others throats, and make things hell for the children. I know in some situations that's unavoidable, but hopefully not here. If the shoe was on the other foot, and I was at fault, I doubt he'd be so generous, but I can't be a vindicive person.
Jus the whole thing in front of me is so overwhelming, I have felt physically sick since it started, since I know in my heart there's no turning back. I wish I could just sweep it under the rug and fix things, but I can't, especially not for the sake of my children. For once I need to grow a pair and stand up for myself.
How the hell do I do it? My brother has offered babysitting services (he only works a few nights a week so is available during the day) so I don't quit my job, but I know I'll need to cut back to part time at least. I need to somehow civilly tell DP we need to put the house on the market and split the profit, because I can't afford to pay him out, and I don't want to screw him out of everything. I need to sort out custody, selling house, telling relatives, get through Christmas, and probably a hundred other things I haven't thought of.
If he was a vicious b*stard it would probably be easier. I could tell him jam it, run out with the kids and come back later with my brother and his musclehead friends to get our stuff, then do everything through a lawyer. But he's trying to be good. I don't know if he knows it's done, but after 5 days of me not talking to or touching him (apart from a few basic phone calls during the day to check on the kids while I'm at work) I know it must hurt him for me not to have told him one way or the other. On the other hand, he's done the wrong thing, and even during our conversation on Sunday he never apologised. He said he hated himself for what he said, and felt terrible, but those 2 little words "I'm sorry" never passed his lips. They never do.
Anywa, I'm sorry for the novel!!! I think I just needed to get it off my chest a bit. I don't know anyone who's gone through this, and I really have no idea what I'm doing, or if this is all going to blow up in my face. There is a 1% chance I wi,ll change my mind, but that is only if DP changes about 200 things about himself, which I know will never happen, and I have to keep reminding myself of that.
Has anyone managed to do a break up peacefully?? What am I doing?!?!?!
It's been nearly a week since DP (I should say ex-DP but I can't right now) had a massive fight. I don't want to go into details here, but he said and did things that I cannot forgive. I can't for the sake of my sanity, and for my children.
I told him at the time we were done (on 3 separate occasions during the argument) because he had pushed me beyond anything that had happened before. He even mocked me saying it at one point, and I don't think he believes I was deadly serious.
But how do I do this?? Since Saturday I have not touched him, have barely been more than politely civil. I want to slap him every time I see him.
After everything had calmed down on Sunday, after the kids were in bed we had a quiet talk. I told him I would quit my job and organise things with Centrelink. That floored him, and he said he didn't want me to give up my job. I asked him what the hell he expected me to do then? And of course there were no answers....
We didn't say much else, I told him then that I'd appreciate being able to work until mid-November because people at work are booked for holidays and there's no one else to cover them, then I would begin sorting things out.
I was going to talk to him last night, but he was "sick" and pretty much went off into the bedroom nearly the whole time I was home. He's been tip toeing around me a lot (which is a unique situation. Whenever we've argued previously he always somehow gets the upper hand and I feel guilty, even over the smallest things, and try to make it up. Even when it's not my, or anyone's fault, as in something beyond our control goes wrong, he still somehow made me feel responsible and I'd try to fix it. Done now, don't care!!) and this morning showed his first sign of annoyance at me, which I cut him off from pretty quickly.
I don't want to be a bitch. I want to talk about it and actually make it 100% clear to him that we are not going to sort this out, but I want us to be.....if not friends, then not enemies. Does that make sense? We have 2 children, and I don't want this to be one of those break ups where we want to slit each others throats, and make things hell for the children. I know in some situations that's unavoidable, but hopefully not here. If the shoe was on the other foot, and I was at fault, I doubt he'd be so generous, but I can't be a vindicive person.
Jus the whole thing in front of me is so overwhelming, I have felt physically sick since it started, since I know in my heart there's no turning back. I wish I could just sweep it under the rug and fix things, but I can't, especially not for the sake of my children. For once I need to grow a pair and stand up for myself.
How the hell do I do it? My brother has offered babysitting services (he only works a few nights a week so is available during the day) so I don't quit my job, but I know I'll need to cut back to part time at least. I need to somehow civilly tell DP we need to put the house on the market and split the profit, because I can't afford to pay him out, and I don't want to screw him out of everything. I need to sort out custody, selling house, telling relatives, get through Christmas, and probably a hundred other things I haven't thought of.
If he was a vicious b*stard it would probably be easier. I could tell him jam it, run out with the kids and come back later with my brother and his musclehead friends to get our stuff, then do everything through a lawyer. But he's trying to be good. I don't know if he knows it's done, but after 5 days of me not talking to or touching him (apart from a few basic phone calls during the day to check on the kids while I'm at work) I know it must hurt him for me not to have told him one way or the other. On the other hand, he's done the wrong thing, and even during our conversation on Sunday he never apologised. He said he hated himself for what he said, and felt terrible, but those 2 little words "I'm sorry" never passed his lips. They never do.
Anywa, I'm sorry for the novel!!! I think I just needed to get it off my chest a bit. I don't know anyone who's gone through this, and I really have no idea what I'm doing, or if this is all going to blow up in my face. There is a 1% chance I wi,ll change my mind, but that is only if DP changes about 200 things about himself, which I know will never happen, and I have to keep reminding myself of that.
Has anyone managed to do a break up peacefully?? What am I doing?!?!?!