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Teenage pregnancy - 17 and trying Lock Rss

You've probably heard it a million gazillion times but my advice is to wait. My reasons are purely from me reflecting on my own life, I was 22 when my daughter was born so by no means was trying at your age.... but it feels like yesterday. (I'm 28 now)

At that time of my life I was married and worked in childcare, my husband and I really wanted a child... and I really thought all would be okay. Especially because I worked in childcare I thought I was really well equipped. What I didn't know... was that between the age of 22 and 25 (for me anyway) I only just started then to work out who I was and where I stood in the world. Before then I thought I had it worked out, but really I was still just of the same opinion as my parents on everything because I hadn't worked it all out for myself yet. I hadn't worked out how to stand up for myself yet in the big bad world and I hadn't learned how to stand on my own two feet... I relied on my husband who was older to help me feel okay about myself, I didn't realise just how emotionally reliant I was on him... really I just thought it was me being in love, but it was me relying on him instead of relying on myself emotionally. SO..... when my daughter was born it was a huge shock. It wasn't all wonderful like I thought it would be... I became depressed and even suicidal. It was a huge learning curve.

Another thing that happens with age is your relationship with your partner changes. You can never imagine this happening when you're younger, It's bliss when you believe it will stay the same. But NO relationship stays the same. You will either change together and form similar opinions about life... or you will grow away from each other. It takes a lot of work in a long term relationship... things don't just coast along happily for your entire life, it takes a lot of communication, a lot of compromising and a lot of trying to understand the other. My husband and I are very happy together, but our relationship has changed SO MUCH that I think we are two very different people to what we were when we first started out.

We had our second child when I was 27, and to be perfectly honest I think this should have been the age I had my first at. I would have coped so much better. In my opinion it would have been fairer on my child if I had've waited, but she doesn't know about it being hard and she's a lovely well adjusted child.. so I doubt it will have a long term affect on her now that I have it together a bit better.

However in saying all this. Everyone is different. I know Thea on here planned her kids early, she's very young and seems to cope extremely well. However this is a person that has been through what the rest of us will probably never experience in life (not going into detail about another members life). But I think it depends a bit on what you have seen and experienced in life as to how you'll cope with such things. Obviously I don't know what your experiences are, only you know this and only you can be the judge of such things.

If you are planning to study... I started study when my daugher was one and it was hard work!! It would be much better to get it done before babies I think!

good luck with your decision. smile

Wish you the best of luck. There are a couple of young mums on here with planned babies and they are wonderful loving mums.
Age should be no issue if you have that maternal instinct but it will be to others and you will need to prepare yourself for the backlash not just from family and friends but most likely rude strangers too.
Unfortunately, if your friends are not at the same point in their lives as you then you will probably lose touch with most or all of them. You will know who your real friends are after having a baby.
For education you should look at what you can study from home. But make sure you don't have to do too much each week. With some courses you can go at your own pace which is what you need until you can work out how much study time you can fit in around bubs. Just because your home doesn't mean you have time. You will be tired and busy with a baby and housework.
Think about a career that could possibly fit into daycare/school hours or that works around your partners work hours so you can share the home duties.
Hope it all works out for you. Even though it will be hard don't let anyone tell you you shouldn't have a child if that's what you and your partner really want. When you hold your baby and fall in love in a way you never knew possible it will all be worth it.

Can I ask, and please understand I don't mean this in any way other than curiosity, why do you feel like you really need to have your children so young?

I ask because it didn't cross my mind even vaguely at your age even though I knew that I definitely wanted children at some stage. I spent late teens and my 20's living my life for me, and think that's so important. I don't mean I was partying or being reckless or stupid, but I backpacked around Europe, I went to Uni, I worked in good jobs and bad. I developed life long friendships, and had relationships good and bad. I don't regret a second of that time because it allowed me to grow into the person I am and the mother I am that is wise, patient and experienced in the ways of the world. I have children now and I love them more than life itself, but I would not have had half the opportunities I have had if I had had them young. They consume my world and as much as most mums want to have it all, I can't because they are my priority. I have to always put them before me, and feel the guilt only a mother knows when I have to leave them at daycare.

I guess i am just asking, where's the fire? You have 20 good years in front of you to have babies. If you want to study then why make it so hard on yourself (and you child) by having a baby too? You can still have your family later (unless you know there is a medical reason why you can't). I would never judge anyone for thier reproductive choices. Whether it be how many babies you have, or at what age. But I would suggest having a good look inside yourself at ask yourself why you need to do this so young. If you can say that you are doing it in a healthy mindset, that you are not trying to fill a void left by sadness , have unresolved feelings from your own childhood, or that you are feeling you want to please a partner, then I wish you all the luck in the world.

I'm 21 and have just had my first. I got pregnant unplanned to my partner who who is much older than me 10yrs older in fact. Most of my family were ok with it, my dad had threatened earlier in our relationship that if anything serious happened between us he would basically disown me. But he is a proud grandad now and ha finally gotten to know my partner and loves him.
We were not financially stable when I got pregnant but we are now. I was studying and just got my degree finished in time. I wish we had started with bit more money but I don't regret having him when I did. It was pretty good timing in our lives
I am a young mum and actually due with me second. After giving birth the first time I decided to go back to school and study so am now doing my nursing degree, relationships are great except with my mum but that is for other reasons than getting pregnant.

my relationship is strong, as for friends they have changed and we now have an amazing circle of friends all baby related so its good for us.

babies can be had work but as my partner is also 10 years older than me it works great for us.

good luck
Aquarius_389 wrote:
To me it's really not about ages when I have a baby. I could do it later on in life although I only have one ovary and it's severely damaged, so there could be little to no chance I can have a baby after they estimated about 26 or 27.

This does make a huge difference to whether or not you should wait... if I thought it could take years to conceive I would also want to start as early as possible.

Hi there, I have no experience of my own, but my Mum was young when she had me and I just wanted to share our family's story with you. My Dad is 6 years older than my Mum, and although I was unplanned when she was 18, I wasn't unwanted. My Mum had already decided that she wanted to marry my Dad, so asked him, then found out she was pregnant. She had me just after she turned 19, then they had my sister after planning for her when my Mum was 21. They had my brother 10 years later.

My parents are married and still going strong, and have been for 24 years, and my Mum says she's glad it happened the way it did. She said knowing the difference between having my sister and I young and my brother in her 30's, she said it was so much easier having us younger. Granted, she didn't study like you intend to, but she said physically and mentally the difference was huge. If they hadn't had my brother, they'd be in their 40's with no kids at home, but even with my brother at home (he's now 11) they still have a much different lifestyle to most other parents their age. My parents were ALWAYS the youngest when I was at school pretty much, but I couldn't imagine it any other way for us. My parents also did it alone, we had no family where we live for over 2 decades.

I have always personally wanted to have my family young (because of my own upbringing), and have wanted kids for a few years now seriously, but have been waiting for my DH to catch up lol. I'm certainly ready now that we're trying and I can see I wasn't actually ready earlier, but I also believe circumstance makes you ready. My Mum was an amazing Mum for her age, you just do your best.

Knowing it will be harder for you to conceive, I definitely don't blame you for wanting to start now, and you will make whatever happens, work. Studying with a baby will def be hard, but once you're qualified your baby may well be nearing school age, and you wouldn't have to take time off starting your career to have a baby!

As long as you grow together in your relationship once you have a baby, I'm sure you can have a story like my parents smile I wish you all the best for TTC x

I think if you feel ready and both you and your partner feel ready then do it. I'm 23 and pregnant with my first. I got engaged at 21 and married at 22. All I've ever wanted in my life was to get married and start a family, to me seeing the world isn't important because I can do that when I'm older.

I had a huge fear that I would have trouble falling pregnant and I didn't want to wait until I was 26 or 27 as I felt if I found out I had problems I'd never forgive myself. My husband and I might not be rich but we have a roof over our heads, food and more love than anything in the world.

So do whatever you feel is right, everybody is different and everyone will have a different opinion based on how they where brought up and what they want.

Good luck and I wish you all the best.
I had my daughter at 17. It was an unplanned pregnancy but it certainly changed my life for the better. I'm now 30 and my daughter is 13. I have also had a son and am about to have another baby girl. My partner and I are still going strong after 14 years.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do. It's unfortunate that young mums still get so much crap. It doesn't matter how old you are, you can still be a great parent!
hey there
I know what you are going though as I was 15 (2005) when I meet my boyfriend now husband we meet at school (same age) but didn't get together till April 2006. (I turn 16 in Dec 05 ), but I moved in with my sister to be closer to him and we found out that we were pregnant and it was one of the happiest days of our lives but sadly at 9.5 weeks along we lost our baby to a miscarriage sad it wasn't long after that my parents and some of my friends were telling my that these things happen and that I should come home and leave my husband because I was to young and that losing my baby was a sign, so me being me I went and did the opposite and moved in with my husband and his family (they were great). one year later we found out that we were pregnant again with a boy, we moved in to a place of our own 6 weeks before he was due, we had him in April 3 months after I turn 18, we got married 10 months later in Jan a month after I turned 19, and 9 months later we had our 2nd child ( a little girl) and went on to have 2 more kids. I finished my schooling though correspondence n I am now a fully certified vet nurse. now I am 24 and looking back on it all NOT listening to what other people including my own parents had to say was one of the best things I've ever done because if I had of done what other people thought was best for me I wouldn't be happily married and I wouldn't have our 4 kids. so what am trying to say is that don't listen to what other people have to say and if it feels right for you and your man go for it. you only get one shot at life so live it for you not for others.
so good luck and have some fun and don't forget its your life no ones else's smile
hi there again
just to let you know that I thing down syndrome has to run in you blood relative, but you can have a scan between 11 n 13 weeks gestation but you have to request it because its not covered by the healthcare system, it does come with the cost of $96.40 to be payed on the day of the scan so if it will help put your mind at ease just ask your doc for the paperwork . I had the scan done with all 4 of my kids and it just helped knowing that there was one less thing to worry about.
I hope that bit of info helps you and good luck
I think you should wait, not because of your age really, but just so you can go out and experience life outside of school, with your partner. I had my first at 30 and still wish I had done more first. Unless there is a medical reason to have kids early, don't rush into it.

Aka G&L smile

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