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I lost my baby girl when I was 22 weeks pregnant. Lock Rss

Hi I was 22 weeks pregnant when I had to terminate my pregnancy. My baby girl was very sick, I found out when I was 11 weeks and 2 days along, that My baby girl had a thick nucle sake behind her neck. I was worried, I'm 35 yrs old this was my 4th child. at 20 weeks pregnant, I had an ultrasound and found out she had a cleft palate and lip, It didn' t look that bad on screen, I was very shocked and emotional.
Then at 21 weeks, the doctors tried to get a picture of the 4 chamber heart beat, I saw the heart beating but, it didn't look right. I had to see the heart specialist at WestMead hospital, he told me she had a hold in her heart, and the heart didn't look right. I also found out she had a couple of sydromes. My husband and I decided to terminate. I had a Hysterotomy (mini c-section) She was born alive, 9:37am and died at 10:30am the same day, on the 23- 2- 2005. I saw her on Thursday and said good-bye to her, it was hard. She didn't have a top lip and no roof in her mouth, It took me 1 hour to say good-bye and hold her close to me. I still can't beleave she is gone.
We had a funeral for her, We are still yet to bury her. We had her cremated, and have to pick up her ashes.
My other 3 kids still ask about Rebecca, and when she is coming home. I said she is gone up to heven with my grandmother, and she is looking after her.
I keep thinking its my fault, I have never been to a funeral before. I never thought I'd be going to my own daughters funeral. No one thinks that, our kids are suppose to out live us, arn't they? ITs not fare, its hurts very much.
I miss her very much. I should be nursing her watching her grow, just like the other 3 kids. Its not right.
My poor little girl. I have a photo of her, I will always have her with me, close to my heart, where she belongs. We will bury her in about 6 to 8 weeks time.

I'm sorry If I didn't make any sence, its hard to think sometimes.

Sue.
how i am really feeling for you right now and what courage you have to tell your story, you are so very brave!

Hold her close in your heart forever and love her because she will always be with you

jo, kids, 13, 11, 8 & 2yrs

I am so sorry to hear that devasting story. I fortunately have never ever lost a child, so I can not imagine what you are going through. People always say that things happen for a reason, but it makes you wander what reason.

A friend of mine lost a baby when she was only 2 weeks old to SIDS, She told me that "it hurts like hell but imagine what it would have felt like if I had of seen her smile for the first time".

I dont know if that will help you but even though she is no longer on this earth she will always and for ever be on your heart, and you will always be her mummy.

Mel

mel, qld, tristan 4

I am so sorry to hear your story. Keep brave and smile for the children that you and your husband do have... I am sure it must have been the hardest decision of your life.

I wish you all the best in the future
Hi Sue,

I just read your story - I am so sorry for you I can only imagine how hard it has been for you - your story brought tears to my eyes. Never think that it was your fault - you were Rebecca's mum and loved her like anything - Keep the picture of her close to your heart - I know it doesn't compensate for the real thing but it's something. Remember your grandma will be looking after her for you and until you meet again. Once again I'm so sorry for you loss and are thinking of you. I hope time heals the pain for you.

Katrina,Vic,

Your story brought me to tears. I honestly cant imagine what you must be going through but I completely empathise with you and your feelings.
I realise this is something you wont get over but I hope that the pain lessens for you and you can learn to live with the loss of your precious daughter. My heart goes out to you.
Hi,

Just reading this story made me cry, my heart goes out to you Sue and your family. I can't imagine what you must be going through, my daughter was born with a cleft lip and palate.

No words can take away your pain but hopefully everyones kind words will help give you comfort and help to ease the pain. my thoughts are with you.
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I also had tears as I read your story, it must be so hard but don't blame yourself it wasn't your fault.
How are you & your family coping?
once again I am sorry

mum to 5

hi sue this is virpi. my heart really feels for you. i can only imagine what you are going thru i recently miscarried it was only about 6 weeks and that was hard enough so i can imagine what you are feeling

mum of 3 boys aged 11, 13 and 14

Hi Sue,

I can't completely understand what you are going through, but I lost my baby at 18 wks last year, so I sort of know how you feel. I found it hard to deal with everyday life, when all you want to do is hold your baby. I also found it especially hard to look after the other kids, but they were the one thing that kept me going and picked me up.

Hang in there. Not a day goes by that I don't think about my baby, but it is bearable now.

If you feel like chatting my email address is [email protected]

Take care
Danielle

QLD DD 2/02 DD 3/03 DD 2/05 Jack 23/3/07

Hi Sue,

I know exactly what you are going through. It does get easier.

I to lost a baby at 23 weeks. (1998) I went for my 18 week scan and they said i must have had mt dates wrong as the baby was to small so i was told to go back 4 weeks later. I did this and to my suprise there was a problem. She had extensive spina bifida and neural tube defect. It was suggested i terminate the pregnancy. This is such a hard step to make i know your heart says no but you know in your mind that it is the right thing to do. How fair would have it been to her four year old siblibg if i'd have had her? She would have been deaf, dumb and blind and unable to move what sort of a life is that? Unlike you i had to actually give birth so i was induced and had to deliver. This was the hardest as all that pain and what for there would be no bundle of joy at the end. but i did it and it wad the most emotional labour.

My daughter was born i called her Chloe Jane and she was the most adorable thing you could ever see. Apart from the massive hole in the back the rest of her was fine. I got to stay with her for a long time to say my goodbyes, over night and the next morning the hardest was walking out of the delivery suite without your baby. But i then had another viewing before her beriual so i got a chance again but i didn't want to let her go. Then she was gone forever but only in person never in mind or soul.

In 2002 i had another horrible experience i was 17 weeks and got septicemia and my waters broke, all i could think was why me not again. But i got to the hospital to find there was nothing i could do but deliver again as the drugs i needed to take would kill the baby anyway but if i didn't take them i would be dead myself. I had another girl Emma May as she was under 20 weeks we did not have to bury her. But i still had a lenghty time with her but to have to leave the hospital again was so traumatic.

With Chloe my son was only 4 but i let him have as much to do with him as i possibly could he held her kissed her looked her all over and although at the time he was distraught he is now 11 and he will never forget his sister but as the years go by it becomes easier to handle.

Iremeber feeling why me and feeling like there was no tomorrow and i had the same words as you (at her funeral i said) it is so unfair and i broke down. It is still so fresh for you and Rebecca will never leave you i think of both Chloe and Wmma as my guardian angels who watch over my whole family to keep us from harms way and we are very special that we have that as not many family's do.

I do truely feel that it is unfair and that yes our children should outgrow us but in time you will become a stronger person as a result and don't give up hope try again. It will never replace rebecca but it really does fill the gap in your life. Ihave had 3 children since chloe and Emma and my bond with them is so incredible especially the first one i had after Chloe. It makes for a stronger relationship with all your kids as you know how precious they are and how easily they can be taken from you.

I found the hardest thing is that people don't know what to say to you. They don't want to hurt you but this hurts you more. Or there to scared to say her name as they think it will hurt you but i felt that all i wanted to do is talk about her so if this is how you are feeling and want to talk to someone that has been there my email is [email protected]

Please feel that you can talk to me anytime as it really does help to talk. I really am sorry for you loss and my heart goes out to you and your family in this time of need. Even though i am a stranger to you just know i am always here for you if you need a friend.

Best wishes
Karen

Karen, NSW, 11,3,1yrs & 3mths

Hi. I just wanted to say thank you so much for your replies. It means so much to me.
I still go through days and say to myself, why me and cry myself to sleep. Its very hard. But I thank got I have my 3 healthy kids and my loving husband at my side. At least they help me get through the days.

I do have msn messenger, my e-mail in that is [email protected] or [email protected]

If you want to call me, e-mail me and I will e-mail you with my phone number. If you would like to chat.

My e-mail is [email protected]

Thank you again.
Sue Keeffe Jamisontown, nsw
Mother of 3 kids, ages 6 yrs, 4 yrs and 2 yrs.
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