I know exactly what you are going through. It does get easier.
I to lost a baby at 23 weeks. (1998) I went for my 18 week scan and they said i must have had mt dates wrong as the baby was to small so i was told to go back 4 weeks later. I did this and to my suprise there was a problem. She had extensive spina bifida and neural tube defect. It was suggested i terminate the pregnancy. This is such a hard step to make i know your heart says no but you know in your mind that it is the right thing to do. How fair would have it been to her four year old siblibg if i'd have had her? She would have been deaf, dumb and blind and unable to move what sort of a life is that? Unlike you i had to actually give birth so i was induced and had to deliver. This was the hardest as all that pain and what for there would be no bundle of joy at the end. but i did it and it wad the most emotional labour.
My daughter was born i called her Chloe Jane and she was the most adorable thing you could ever see. Apart from the massive hole in the back the rest of her was fine. I got to stay with her for a long time to say my goodbyes, over night and the next morning the hardest was walking out of the delivery suite without your baby. But i then had another viewing before her beriual so i got a chance again but i didn't want to let her go. Then she was gone forever but only in person never in mind or soul.
In 2002 i had another horrible experience i was 17 weeks and got septicemia and my waters broke, all i could think was why me not again. But i got to the hospital to find there was nothing i could do but deliver again as the drugs i needed to take would kill the baby anyway but if i didn't take them i would be dead myself. I had another girl Emma May as she was under 20 weeks we did not have to bury her. But i still had a lenghty time with her but to have to leave the hospital again was so traumatic.
With Chloe my son was only 4 but i let him have as much to do with him as i possibly could he held her kissed her looked her all over and although at the time he was distraught he is now 11 and he will never forget his sister but as the years go by it becomes easier to handle.
Iremeber feeling why me and feeling like there was no tomorrow and i had the same words as you (at her funeral i said) it is so unfair and i broke down. It is still so fresh for you and Rebecca will never leave you i think of both Chloe and Wmma as my guardian angels who watch over my whole family to keep us from harms way and we are very special that we have that as not many family's do.
I do truely feel that it is unfair and that yes our children should outgrow us but in time you will become a stronger person as a result and don't give up hope try again. It will never replace rebecca but it really does fill the gap in your life. Ihave had 3 children since chloe and Emma and my bond with them is so incredible especially the first one i had after Chloe. It makes for a stronger relationship with all your kids as you know how precious they are and how easily they can be taken from you.
I found the hardest thing is that people don't know what to say to you. They don't want to hurt you but this hurts you more. Or there to scared to say her name as they think it will hurt you but i felt that all i wanted to do is talk about her so if this is how you are feeling and want to talk to someone that has been there my email is [email protected]
Please feel that you can talk to me anytime as it really does help to talk. I really am sorry for you loss and my heart goes out to you and your family in this time of need. Even though i am a stranger to you just know i am always here for you if you need a friend.