Slack Friend

Hello

I need some advice one of my friends who I have been friends with for a couple of years (we met where I use to work)

It seems I am always the one ringing her and making plans to catch up!

The last time we saw them was her daughters 1st birthday, I rang her a couple of days after that to see how everything went and now nothing! She never seems to call me! it was my birthday last friday and I thought she would remember but nothing!

She is a lovely person but if I don't hear from her should I kiss the friendship goodbye so to speak? or am I being harsh?

I have alot of other great friends who I call and they call me as I see friendship as a 2 way thing you both need to make the effort otherwise it doesn't work!

bye

Hi Melissa,
Firstly Happy Birthday smile and, you're right friendship is a two way thing. I have found that if i don't call certain people i would never hear from them. It is hard to always be the one making the phone calls, not to mention the cost.
I read somewhere that friends come and go in your life and when a friend you haven't seen or heard from in a long time comes back it is for a reason. Now I don't worry too much and have found this bit of information very true. So when I hear from someone after a long time, I am glad to hear from them and on occasion things pick up again and we see each other regularly.
Don't dwell on your what your friend has or hasn't done. Let it go for now and maybe when you hear from her again (depending how close you both are) you could let her know how you felt when she didn't call on your birthday.

Hi Melissa

I have had the exact same problem with a so called girlfriend of mine that never rang she is Godmother to my son & her Hubby is Godfather to my Daughter we haven't heard from them since last July after she knew both my kids were in hospital she never rang to see if they were OK.
I was constantly ringing & then one day I just thought no more!
Friendship is a two way thing like you said and this friend broke my heart we were friends for 10 years & now nothing. It's sad but what do you do? She missed my birthday & both my kids no card no phone call & thats when I knew that was it.
I passed her in the shops 2 weeks ago & we both just said Hi & that was it. It was like we hadn't seen each other before.

I am lucky I have a lot of great friends & ones that make that effort.

Try & not bother with her as u have more good friends,she is obiviously not worth it.

Good Luck

Bec

Hi Yonny & Bec

You are so right and I do have alot of great friends she is just not worth it!

thanks again

Hi Michelle,
Someone who basically ignores you unless you make contact with her, wouldn't be classed as a true friend in my books.

A true friend is someone who is always there for you no matter what, makes some sort of effort to keep in contact no matter how busy they get (even if it is just a 2 minute phone call to say they are still thinking of you), and NEVER forgets your birthday! (Well maybe for a day or two if really busy, but will always make it up and contact you to say sorry).

If I was in you situation, I wouldn't contact her again. If she values your friendship, she will contact you and apolagise for not contacting you sooner. If she doesn't, then she never was a true friend in the first place, and is someone you could live without. Good luck. You have plenty of friends in this site.
Tracey

hi tracey

if i were to go off what u say then i dont have any true friends at all.

nobody even came to visit me when in hospital as 2 of them i lived too far away. i ripped them out of my address book the minute i got home and cried for about 4weeks because of it.i'm pretty certaim that 50mins of travelling these days is not all that far to go. most ppl work that far away from home.
over the years i've lost friends all because i got sick of calling and now i am left with 1 friend who i have known since i was eight yrs old. we see each other about twice a year and we are both as slack as each other (hehe)
there must be something i'm doing wrong for ppl. the fact that i moved away and am now a std phone call shoulnt change a thing. sad

Hi Chelby,
I understand how you feel, as I have done that exact same thing (ripped ppl out of my address book). I am sorry that you don't have many friends that live closer to you, but at least you still have the one you have known since you were 8 yo. That fact that you both "as slack as each other," well I guess that would be an understanding between the two of you, especially if you are a distance apart, but at least you both make the effort to stay in contact.

I have a friend who I have known since school too. She has just moved about 10 hours away from me as her husband just got a new job. She doesn't yet have a computer, so we can only talk by phone (which costs a fortune), or by mail (which isn't very often as we are both busy with young babies), but we make the effort to keep in contact. She will ring me one month, and I will ring her the next. And we also send a letter about once a month, just so that we know each other is doing ok.

There are a lot of lovely ppl in this forum. Maybe you could find some more true friends from here.

I guess everybody is different and have their own ideas on what a true friend is. This is just mine.
Tracey

Hi Chelby

Have you meet any friends through the health centre mothers group?

Also why don't you post something on the huggies website about starting up a group!

You sound like a sensitive and kind person and I am sure anyone would be grateful to have you as a friend (a true friend that is).

Just think of your precious baby that is one person that is going to grow up loving you and counting on you to always be there for them as a mum and a friend!

all the best

melissa

concentrateon the true friends insted

I understand completely. I once had a best friend until last year when, due to a disagreement between her husband and my mother over a paint job he didn't finish (and he charged her for it - it was only $400 but he didn't keep his end of the bargain), she didn't come to my daughter's 1st birthday because he was sick (mind you, that same day he had made a very quick recovery and, as I later found out, they visited a mutual friend of the family). They had become rather notorious in saying they'd come and visit, then at the last minute call to say they couldn't come for some reason or another (HE was sick, HE was too tired, blah blah blah). Also, they made some nasty judgments about my husband. They also started to make less effort in keeping in contact with us. So I know how you feel. Now that we have a 6 weeks old daughter, I'm a bit broken about the fact that she's not there anymore, but c'est la vie. I have some real friends that have replaced her and who make the effort.

i guess its just the way life goes. i know one thing tho, you know who ur true friends are when u have a baby. its true when they say its a life changing experience

Hi Everyone

I completely agree with what everyone has written here. Friendship should be a two-way thing.
It shouldn't be an effort to contact someone or an obligation it should be enjoyable.

After I finished reading this section I began to think 'what if'.
What if that is the way you establish a relationship with a friend where you are the one ringing all the time. Then when you change your habits and the other person thinks that you don't want to be her friend any more???

What if the person doesn't want to be your friend anymore but wont tell you that? So they are trying to get out of the friendship as easily as possible??

I once stopped ringing and seeing a friend for the exact same reason. I was always the one ringing her and inviting her around or to do things. Then I found out that she had said to another friend that we both know 'I don't know what I've done to her?'. So that situation confused me a bit?
Does anyone else have a comment on that sort of situation?