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Funnies Lock Rss

1. Men are like ........Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like ........Bananas ...... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like Weather ..... Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like Blenders .... You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like .Chocolate Bars . Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like .Commercials ...... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores ... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like ......Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like ......Mascara .... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like .Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like . Snowstorms . You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like ......Lava Lamps Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots ....... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.


Came across this the other day and thought it might give everyone a laugh....

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself,
but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved 'show-and-tell'. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
> Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.
> First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."
> She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.
> "Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, oh, oh!" Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!" Now the kid's doing this hysterical duck walk, holding her back and groaning.
> "My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. "They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this." Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall. "And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got
> thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!"
> This kid has her legs spread and with her little hands are miming water flowing away. It was too much!
> "Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push, and breathe, breathe"
> "They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff, they all said was from Mom's play-center! , so there must be a lot of stuff inside there."
> Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.
> I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.

2 cutie kids!

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