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worried - any tips? Lock Rss

Hi all, am expecting my first bubba in feb and extremely excited. But am wondering just what kind of mother I will be. I know this a lengthy letter but please bear with me and any support/advice you can give me will be gratefully accepted.

My mother took off when I about 18 months old with another bloke leaving me, my brother and my sister with our dad. Have not really had any further contact with her - a few holidays as a child here and then.

When I was 3 Dad started seeing another woman who he married when I was 6. She had 3 children off her own. However this woman was the nastiest piece of work - however this nasty side was only ever directed at myself, my sister and my brother, never her own children. She was so nasty that I have decided to not let her anywhere near my child when he is born as I do not trust her.

Which brings me to my point: what if I end up treating my child the way she treated us? I could never imagine up and leaving a child (let alone 3) like my mother did and have vowed and declared till i am blue in the face that I will never, ever treat my child the way my step-mother treated us. But what if I do?

I just want to be a good mother and bring my child up in house full of love,not one that is ruled with fear as the house i grew up in was. But yet, I am scared of being over indulgent due to this.

How do I find even ground? PLease help me lay fears to rest.
I have never been in your situation so I don't want to pretend to even know what you are going through. Wat I do want to say is the fact that you are so concious of how bad your step Mum was seems to indicate to me that you will never be like her. Your fears about being a good Mum and being an overindulgent Mum I think is something that most women worry about as the birth gets closer. The fact that you are already worrying about your baby in my mind makes you a good Mum. (Your decision to keep him away from you Step Mum also indicates you are going to be a good Mum). I know this is probably a stupid suggestion but have you ever watched any of Dr Phil's parenting shows? I find him to be a good, common sense guide to parenting. But, he is not for everyone.
Best wishes.

Hi lee&tyler. you don't mention an other half. Do you have support from that end (how's his relationship with his Mum)? Dr Phil has books sold in Big W and probably any other chain store.

Robynne-69 DH-61 DS1-94 DD1-96 DS2-99 DS3&DD2-04

You are going to be a great mum!! I have been through a similar situation as you. I had alot of hatred towards my step mum for what she did to me when I was growing up, and didn't talk to her for about 6 years, but that all seemed to go away slowly when I was pregnant with my son. Somehow she changed. I vowed never to leave her alone with my son, I was scared that she would hurt him. I still haven't left her alone with my son, but we get alone a lot better and I do spend time with her.
You love your child, that is all that matters! One of the greatest gifts you can give you child is love, encouragment and self worth.

Hope all works out and enjoy being a first time mum!!!

qld,3yr old boy

I think the fact that you have experienced this form your mother and step mother has taught you it is wrong and so you will be conscious of this and so will not do it!
Don't let it worry you at all,l you will be a fine mother and this has obviously made you a stronger person and that will be a good thing to pass on to your little fella!
Good luck!!!
xxx

kelly, NSW, 4year old and 2 year old boys and expe

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