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totally un baby related but please help Rss

hi guys

i need some advice

a family member of mine has turned into a real bad guy and treats his mother like crap and has no respect for anyone watsoever i really want to say sumthin but im afraid that he might do sumthin to hurt me. he is not the guy that i used to know growin up and it is partly the company he keeps

also i have just been informed that a friend of mine is sleepin with another person behind there partners back for a year and i really dont know what to say
as it is not my place to tell their partner it has placed a huge lump on me as i dont really like the partner anyway and have been wishin theyd break up anyway

wat do i do

PLEASE HELP
mandi

DD may 03, DS oct 06

Hiya mandi

this is just what I think i would do (in a perfect world) def stay out of the friend sleeping around situation. They prob won't want to hear it anyway.

Def say something to the family member but maybe get someone to back you up so you don't have to take all the heat yourself.

Good luck!!! smile

Steph VIC Mummy to one gorgeous boy

Hello Mandi

do you think he realises how bad he is treating his mum?

I agree with stephanie though definetely say something to him, but I would stay out of the other situation!

It must be very difficult for you but you don't want to be involved as you could end up the one that gets into trouble over it!

good luck and let us know how you go

bye

melly

melissa, vic, Patrick 2.5 & Laura 15 months

Hello mandi, If this guy is trouble I would be very careful. Have you tried talking to his mother about getting help for her? Just be very careful as these things can get out of control.

As for your other problem I can personally relate to both sides of your story. I too have been a person who knew of other sleeping around. Once I just shut up and felt so bad as all I could think of was what if it was happening to me. I even tried to make myself feel better by thinking how could she not known? Then on another occassion I knew a friend of the sister of the girl who's husband was playing up. I thought I would just mention it to my friend about the "rumours" who could then tell her friend who would then tell her sister her husband is playing around. Well that was not the best idea. In days my friend had told her friend who became such a mess she was ringing me at work crying to get information off me!!!! So then she told her husband who was a police officer who said he would follow the guy and see what happens etc. In the end she did tell her sister who confronted the husband who denied it all and the brother in law (police officer) didnt find anything. It turned out really ugly and way way out of control and we ended up looking like the bad guys. However it turned out the police officer was having an affair on his wife with a person he worked with, go figure. But I guess that explains why he didnt find anything out, birds of a feather and all that. But it did give this guy a real fright and he did end the affair and 6 months later his wife fell pregnant.
Then it comes down to me. My first husband had an affair with one of my so called best friends. It seemed everyone knew except me and my whole life was one big lie........... everyone knew. I felt so hurt and betrayed that no one had the guts to tell me. I felt like I was the joke and the punch line. In the end only one person ( well 2 if you consider a friend of his rang me a few days after I found out to tell me the truth and to ask me out!!) had the guts to tell me. She was the out cast, everyone turned their back on her and labelled her a home wrecker when in fact all she did was tell me the truth. I had to make a decission regarding the rest of my life and I needed the truth to make the right one. In the end it was husband against wife, parent against parent, friend against friend, work mates against work makes...................a right mess. I later found out my now ex husband went to everyone begging them to shut up and lie for him. I also found out he tried on another so called friend who didnt tell me until after we split up. It took me a while but I left my husband even after counselling, I lost a lot of so called friends. I lost my house, my dog and most of my furniture. I had to sell my car as I couldnt afford it either. It took me a true 12 months of hell. But I rebuilt my life. I now have real friends and a fantastic husband who would not hurt me for the world.
The one "true" friend I had at the time is still my friend. She was with me when I met my current husband and my one and only bridesmaid at our wedding. I was maid of honour for her wedding a few months ago.

I often wonder what would have happened to me if she didnt have the guts to make a stand? How many affairs would my ex husband have had by now. What disease would he have brought home? Would another women knock on my door saying she was pregnant with my husbands child. These are all things that have happened to friends of mine because no one told them the truth. Its your choice but ask yourself - would you want to know??

Good luck with what ever you decide.
Hey Janeen,
just wanted to say i'm glad everything is 'on the up' for you now ... you definitely deserve it after reading your post!!

eìí? well ... it started with a kiss eìí?-3-064

i agree

i was being cheated on too. we didn't have kids or anything just going out for 3 years. we were about to get engaged and i got a bomb shell dropped on me one of his friends let it slip one night when he was quite intoxicated. i could not believe it. i was the last to know. i hated myself for it i attempted stupid things. i felt empty and alone all the people I TRUSTED to be my friends NEVER told me. i stopped talking to them would you want a friend who cant tell you the truth? would you want to be married to a man that dont believe in monogomy? i sure as hell wouldn't who knows who hes sleeping with and who else they are sleeping with. hep c and all the nasties are passed on to your CHILDREN!!!! i'd never want my children to get anything like that. if it means it ends a friendship they weren't really your friends. if you know for sure and it isn't all gossip you owe it to her to tell. if it was me i'd want to know. and about the other thing get someone to go with you and tell him to grow up. do you think drugs are involved?

narelle

Narelle, Eilish 5th june 2002 TTC since dec 2002

goodness me calebsmum and also narelle

i guess well should i say i know that i would want to know at the first little inkling my fiance was cheating but i have never had a good relationship with this girl and i have only just got to know her
i did ask him though if it was true and he said that it was true but it is all over and everything between them have stopped (him and the other gal) but you see i work with him and the other gal and she comes into my work area braggin about sleepin with him and now she has even slept with my cousin (he works witth me too thats the one who treats his mum like crap) so i feel im stuck in the middle and i reallly dont want to know

as for my cousin well he just drives me mental
all he ever does is talk about drugs and i refuse too let him through my door if he is to talk about drugs in front of my baby girl and i have confronted him
you see at work he treats everyone like crap until the other day wen i stood up to him (as i am the only one game enough) and he backed off and hasnt been as bad since

he hangs out with totally the wrong crowd who overpowers him so he feels that he can overpower everyone else and copy his friends actions (and not to mention beat ppl up) i am really trying but im almost to the end of my teither we are pretty close but he is pushin me away, but the upside is he is very protective of my sis and i and my baby gal sumtimes to protective

thanks for ur replies and im glad you have rebuilt urself calebsmum as if sumthin were to happen to me like that it would be exactely the same for me too as without my man i have nuthin but a lounge and a single bed

mandi

DD may 03, DS oct 06

Hi Mandi . How old is this person. Maybe sit him down and ask him what is going on. Is he angry or frustrated or just simply bored. Maybe he needs to do some sort of sport or take up a hobbie that he has an interest in to builed his self esteem. As for drugs, remind him that they can make you lose control and do stupid things that can get him into trouble with the law. Does he value his quality of life. Ask him questions about how he is feeling because maybe he cant bring himself to talk about it with family or friends. Hope this helps?

JZ mum to Bradley 17/08/03 and Heidi 25/02/06

HI Mandi,
I've been on both sides of this debate.
Don't hate me for being honest, but when my daughters father and I had been together for about 3 mths, I had an affair with his cousin. It was completely alcohol related, and I was only 18, still no excuses I know. My partner found out about 18 mths later, after some friends let it slip. It took some work but our relationship survived. I think if he had found out when it happened, we might have split up, but because the affair was so long ago, he gave me a second chance. BUT....
When I was pregnant with our daughter, he started drinking again (he was a recovering alcoholic) and he cheated on me several times with several different women. The first time I let it go because of my own past mistake, but the second time I said enough was enough. Too Late - he gave me tricho (a form of chlamydia). Worst thing - the girl he caught it from was suposedly my best friend.
I stayed with him, and justified it by saying my daughter needs a father. But when she was 3 mths old, I decided he was setting a shocking example for her, and that I would never want a man to treat her the way he was treating me. I left him for good.
That was 1 year ago. He is now sober, and we are working on rebuilding our relationship from the ground up. We love each other, but both have alcohol addiction issues that get in the way sometimes.
In answer to your question, I don't know whether you should tell this girl or not. Some things to think about: are there children involvd, how long have they been together, and do you think they will stay together longterm. Tread very carefully as it could blow up in your face. You could find yourself being called a homewrecker for telling, or being shut out for not telling.
Good luck, and my thoughts are with you.

Mum to Maya Grace 02-03, Sienna & Mercedes 10-06

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