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  5. family cant live with them cant live without them

family cant live with them cant live without them Lock Rss

My situation is this - my sister, who I love dearly is annoying the be geezers out of me.

She doesn't have kids yet thinks she knows how to raise my girls better then my husband and I.
She is telling people who ask are we going to have any more children - we can't because we wouldn't be able to afford it. I feel this is going way over the line but don't know how to tell her to back off.

I know if I do she will take it the wrong way and we will most like end up not talking again.
I've tried talking to family and they all agree for the sake of peace and quite and ignore her, but this is ridiculous.

How can I explain to her when it comes to my family I make the choices not her, I still want her to be apart of there lives just not control (cant think of a better word) them or me.

It’s a delicate situation because she has had a lot of sadness in her life and I don’t want to make things worse but any advice would be greatly appreciated
I can relate to this. My sister-in-law used to tell me how I should do certain this for my son and what I shouldn't do and bla, bla. I could argue with her till I was blue in the face but what she says is right according to her and that's that!

Well, she now has a child of her own and has since realised that everything she thought was right isn't and what she thought was easily isn't exactly as easy as she thought I would be!!

You are in a very delicate situation and I'm not sure what you should do as everyone is different and reacts differently. I could argue with my sis-in-law and there would be no harm done as in their family the have been brought up to speak their mind...they just have forgotten to understand everyone has their own ways of doing things!! I wuld love to be able to give you a solution that will work for both you and your sis but I can't. I can only suggest having a quiet chat to her, if she will listen...sometimes you just have to say what you have to say despite if people get hurt...they have to realise you control your life and decisions and no one else.

I hope you can resolve this without any heartache!

Take care

Mum(29) - DS 7yr, DD 4yr & DD 2yr

I can understand what you are going through. I had my auntie and my mother in law telling how to raise my two girls.

I sat down with each of them and explained to them that when they tell me how to look after my children or criticise what I am doing, that they are putting me down and making me feel bad. That they are hurting my self esteem and confidence. I then said that I understand that they are trying to help and that I really did appreciate their help, but the comments were doing damage. This seem to work with both of them and while they were a little upset and offended they seemed to have taken this approach better than me telling them to back off.

Hope you can resolve the issue with your sister.

QLD DD 2/02 DD 3/03 DD 2/05 Jack 23/3/07

you could start with

i value your opinion but......................

i know you have had a few hurdles but............

or this is what i like to say to ppl.

i know that everyone has their own thoughts on things, i will listen to whatever it is you would like to tell me, but i'm still guna do it my way,
i know whats its like to feel like you are walking on eggshells in your own home.

Good luck. smile

DD 13/11/03 -DD 11.11.05 - DS 17.4.08

Hi Jodi,

I know how you are feeling. Unfortunatly we do not speak to my SIL & BIL any more and this was one of the reasons, although they do have a child of their own, they were forever telling us what they thought we were doing wrong and how to raise our little boy.
I cannot suggest how you approach the situation as everyone is different only that you must speak to her as it will just eat you up.

Good luck my thoughts are with you.
Hi Jodi

It's so hard to tell family when they are upsetting you isn't it? I don't really think it's fair for you not to say anything just to keep the peace - sometimes this is the right approach but when something is clearly upsetting you and as you said going way over the line I think you have the right to speak up. You don't have to be rude - just try to be objective and explain how you feel when she says those things, without 'attacking' her. At the same time tell her that she's really important to you and you still want her to be part of your family's lives. She may not even realise how much it is upsetting you. This may sound harsh, but you are not responsible for your sister's feelings, if after you've explained your feelings to her she chooses to be upset by it that's her choice. All the best with whatever you decide to do. I hope this helps.

Jasmine smile
Hi Jodi,

Cheer up sweetie! For what it is worth I think you are a great mum and are doing a fantastic job! What an amazing mummy to cope so well with 2 very cute little girls. I only hope I cope as well as you when my second bundle of joy comes along in the next few weeks.

Here is the best bit of advice I can offer you in your situation... listen to what your sister has to say and if neccessary just agree with her... you don't have to do what she says and you don't have to argue with her about her opinion. You could try telling her that you are doing the best you can and that one day when she has children of her own she will understand better.

I think the best thing you can do is to not take it personally... she may not realise she is upsetting you, then again maybe she is jealous of the beautiful family you have.

There are a lot of people who have had great sadness in their lives too, I am one of them... but you know what? It only makes me stronger! Don't make excuses for your sister's behaviour...

Whatever she says or does, just know that you are doing an amazing job and you have the 2 most beautiful little girls to prove it.

Keep smiling... I am here if you need a friendly face smile

Thanks everyone for your advice, i ended up having to talk to my sis, and while it got a little heated i think she finally saw where i was coming from.

Michelle thankyou for your kind words smile

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