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Raising Stepchildren Desperately need help/advice Lock Rss

I know you said he's been to counselling, buy if I were you I'd try again, maybe more sessions in a week? By the sounds of it he has a few issues which go further than you can help him with. I'm sorry you're at breaking point it must be horrible.
Sorry I didn't help much Sarah.
I don't want this to come across as sounding rude or harsh, but it might.

Would you pack him up and send him away to family if it was your own 7yr old son??

Wouldn't you want to do all you can for a boy who is obviously crying out for help?

Take him to every counsellor, psychologist or therapist under the sun if you have to. It is not his fault his mother does not want him and I can only imagine how bad that makes him feel about himself. Add to this how you feel about him, which he will know no matter how much you try to hide it.

He is 7. It is a parents job to help him feel loved, cared for and safe and when his mother did not and can not do this, then you and your husband will have to work twice as hard to undo the hurt she has caused.

Good luck and please do not feel I am having a go. I can only imagine how difficult it is but he is now your son too. Make sure you get some time to yourself and you may find it easier to deal with it all.
Sweetheart you guys need help. Studies have shown that children who start off harming animals only get worse. I would be going to the doctor and finding out just who you need to go to for help on this one so that your stepson can receive the proper care he needs.

Not trying to scare you

Good luck and much love.

Love my boys M-10/05/08 J-01/12/09

I'm sorry to hear ur going through this. I honestly think you need to take him to a pediatric psychiatrist as he sounds like he has some serious issues. TBH the part about killing animals and tormenting pets and ur DD is extremely worrying especially seeing as you have a bub on the way and yes i would be concerned about it.

Have you spoken to the school and have they said anything about it. Is hubby also aware of all the issues going on or just some of it? I would be starting to document it all wether its on camera or by keeping a diary. This kid does need serious help. You definetly need to sit down with a GP though (without the son present) and talk with them and get a referal to a specialist. Thats also y its so important to start documenting it now (dates times what happend if possible) because its so easy to forget to mention something when ur talking with them, so write it down.

So its not a 'new thing you being in his life. I don't know what else to say. *big hugs* and I hope you find a solution soon.

Love my boys M-10/05/08 J-01/12/09

Has he been like this the whole time or is he getting worse??

P.s. I really do not want to offend you when you are obviously feeling so bad already so if I have and you want me to butt out please say so.
You are going through a very tough time. I hope things settle for you soon. I prob wont be much help, but Im just wondering if maybe his behaviour is becoming worse or has he been like this for the 6 years that you have known him? The psyhologist that he is seeing once a week and the one you have been seeing, have they been giving you some sort of insight into why he is behaving the way that he is, and giving you ideas on how to deal with this? Is it possible he has become worse because he may be feeling insecure with your new little bub coming along? He cant be at home with his mummy, and maybe there is alot of jealousy inside him about this. Maybe he is worried a new little bub will take the attention that he sounds like he is seeking away from him
if that makes any sense?
If all of these problems have been going on for years, then you need to feel that it is o.k. to say you cant do it anymore. Your DH really needs to be supporting you in all of this. Maybe sit him down and tell him you have been considering leaving with your DD because it so so bad and you cant cope anymore. He may not realise just how serious you are and if he hears this might help you both come to a decision about keeping his son on any longer. You dont need the stress and constant worry with a new baby coming along and neither does your dd. If things havent changed in 6 years, then they may not change. You need to put yourselves first. I hope things improve for you soon.
Big hugs to you. Sounds like you have done everything you can think of and it hasn't worked. I have never been in your situation so it is very easy for me to say this, but if it were me I would be leaving for the sake of the safety of my kids. If you can't trust this child to not hurt the little ones, it isn't safe there. It wouldn't take much to do permanent damage to a newborn. I also feel for your step son too because he is obviously hurting very much. But at the end of the day, the safety of the small kids and babies is paramount. It is our job as parents to do our best to protect our kids from harm, even if that harm comes in the form of another child.

I'm sorry you are in this situation and I hope things improve for you.

I take it from what you've said that its been going on for a long time.

TBH i wonder if the time has come to send him back to his mum. I think u and DH need to sit down and talk about it and maybe just say to him that look nothing we've tried has worked we're obviously not providing the right sort of environment for him here, and that with him here its not the right sort of environment to raise your DS and soon to be bub.

Maybe it also needs to be approached to ur stepson that do u want to go and live back with ur real mummy and if so that u guys will arrange it and just make it perfectly clear that he is welcome back (you don't want him to feel like he's being abandoned).

I honestly don't know really what to suggest, its not an easy situation ur in. Have u guys tried father son weekend away n them trying to talk it through? He has no respect for you what so ever and its not a healthy environment for anyone involved. Did any of the psychologists or councellors suggest anything??? or they just sitting on the fence about it.

I think you are in an extrememly tough situation GBH.

I think it is a decision that you and DH need to arrive at together though, it shouldn't be seen as your choice... Have you thought about sending him away to bording school? or to live with the inlaws?? Inno friends of mine who did this (with an older child about 15 i think) and she was a changed girl and was begging to come back after a couple of months and was completely changed... might be worth a try you've tried everything else

I would ask if he could go and spend some time with the inlaws so they can see how he is if they like you DH dont want to send him back to his Mum. Let them deal with him and see if he behaves differently towards them.

I too would have to put my children first even if he is DH's son.


I have an 8yr old step-daughter. She lives with her mum but she always behaves badly when she is here, although not as badly as your step-son. My advice probably isn't very helpful but if she lived with us full time she would have to behave and if there was any question about the safety of my own children she would rather have to start behaving or go live somewhere else. I know people say 'but what if she was yours..' but the fact is she isn't and we would have that option to send her back to her mum.

I just want to add though that when I say she has to behave I would put her through counselling etc to help her and do what we can first which is seems you have done.

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