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VENT!! Teenagers gggrrrrrr :( Lock Rss

I swear my 14yr old DD1 is going to be the death of me!! Some history....we’ve been having major dramas with her earlier in the year with lying, going out and doing as she pleases with no thought for the consequences, hanging around with 18+yr old guys, refusing to go to school, wagging etc. We ended up taking her for a chat to Child Protection about one particular issue and since then she’s been a lot better, is back to school on part-days to get her back into a routine and DP and I thought things were heading in the right direction......until yesterday.

DD1 had a junior semi-final to run line for (she’s a junior rugby league referee) in the morning and after she got home, she asked if she could go to the movies with a friend whom she made out was from school. As she’d been really good for a couple of months I thought OK she’s earned my trust enough for us to let her go out on her own with a friend for a few hours.

BIG MISTAKE!! The little cow met up with some guy who is at the very least 18yrs old (she mentioned him dropping her home when his mate came back with his car when I called at 7pm to ask what time she was getting home), and then decided that she’s old enough to do as she pleases and stayed out with him and his mates all night. I type this she still isn’t home!! She’s got her mobile turned off (she said it was flat last night but I tried after she told me that and it rang out gggrrr) and I’m so freaking angry with her right now that I just don’t know what else to do.

She told me she was in Cleveland somewhere (we live in Gailes) and as my car is at the mechanic at the moment she knows I can’t go pick her up and even if I did have the car, with the 2 boys I can’t just drive around looking for her. I feel like calling the cops but all I’ve got is the name of the guy she is with and a mobile phone number she was texting me from last night. I called her on that number just after 9pm which is when she told me she was in Cleveland, but when I asked for the address she told me she didn’t know it and the other guys didn’t you can imagine that’s when I got angry and told her to go outside and look at the street name and the house number...and that’s when she hung up on me and turned that phone off.

Should I call the cops and risk her being really pissed at me for getting the guys into trouble (cos I’m damn sure an 18yr old guy who wants a 14yr old girl to stay the night is up to no good) or just sit and wait for her to come home? We had a big chat months ago about her behaviour and boys etc and I thought we had this issue sorted but obviously not sad

What really worries me, besides not knowing where she is and imagining what she’s been up to, is the fact that she’s left her pill here at home and she’s on day 14 of her cycle!! She’s on the pill for her period pain etc and she has been sexually active a couple of times that I’m aware of (and not bloody happy about either) but the last thing I want is my little girl coming home pregnant!

[Edited on 03/09/2009 by Huggies_Moderator]

HeartKids show courage, strength & tenacity

I'm sorry I don't know what you can do as in my experience...being a 14 year old run-a-way and all nothing my parents did would ever change my actions.

With me my parents just had to wait it out and i guess people will look at it like a disappointment seeing as i had my first baby 3 months shy of 18.

ETA - sorry i'm not much help, but in this case i guess you just may have to ride it out and hope that she comes around. which i did in the end. I did have my first baby at almost 18 but i'm still with my DF and all so a bit different. i did get over that phase but it did take a couple of years with on/off good behaviour bad behaviour.

Does she fit in at school? My issue originally was i transferred schools and absolutely hated my new one. there could possibly be maybe self-confidence issue? bullying at school? i know that was my main thing was self-confidence, i was very shy found it hard to adjust into a new environment.
[Edited on 24/08/2009]

I would be calling the cops. As shes so young & at that age cant make rational decisions on her own. Let alone the 'boys' who are over 18 are more than likely taking advantage of her & im pretty sure thats illegal.
Best of luck today, i feel for you i hope she comes home on her own soon.

I am so sorry - I don't know how you're feeling but I know me and my brother certainly gave my parents a few sleepless nights worrying about the stupid things we were up to. I just wanted to say, that if you're concerned then you should ring the police. They will take it very seriously - as you say, what does an 18+ year old guy want with a 14 year old girl? Good luck to you, I hope she's ok and home very very soon.
I'd ring the police. I'm sorry I have no advice. I hope you get her hom e soon and can sort a few things out.
I'd be calling the police if it were me. The "boys" are actually men in the eyes of the law and as you say, 18 year olds would only hang out with a 14 year old for one reason. I'd also get her to the doctor today for the morning after pill as a just in case measure. Maybe it's time to get some family counselling to work out why she is behaving like this.
I would also ring the police, I hope you find her soon and can get some of the issues sorted out.
Probably should have added that with her not being home that's definately a police matter... maybe send her a text saying you will be contacting police and see if it freaks her out a little bit

Call the police, she's still a child. If those boys are over 18 they can be in serious trouble. I'd be worried sick that something has happened to her. Where did she meet them??

I feel for you sad

I don't have a child of that age, but I was once alot like your daughter and rebelled heavily against my parents. I also now see alot of this happening with my younger siblings and his friends.

Although 18 year old males are not the type of people you would like your daughter to be hanging around and I can completely understand why. What you must also think about is that they probably wouldn't care if she went home and are more than likely not putting any pressure on her to stay out with them. Most of the teenage girls that I know who have done these things and that includes myself, made the decision on our own to stay out and not return home. It could be for any reason, and councilling would be a good way to start to work out the issues.

I have also been down the path of contacting the police in regards to a teenage girl who wasn't returning home. We believed that she was being held against her will/ or pressured by the people she was with. The police went out and found the girl but could not do anything other than give her a talking to and see if she was physically and mentally stable. Unfortunately all that contacting the police did was further embarrass and infuriate the girl and the problems became alot worse.

I realise that you are in a very awkward and uncomfortable situation and I wish you the best of luck with the outcome.

If you do believe she is in danger though, you definately should contact the police.

Mum to Ashleey 4 and Tristan 2 !

I've spoken to the Child Protection Unit and given them the mobile number etc and they are chasing it up now.

HeartKids show courage, strength & tenacity

oh you poor thing i can only imagine what you are going through and what i would do.
The worst part would be not knowing where she is, and yes those boys should NOT be having a 14 year old girl sleep over, that is soooo wrong. They need to get into trouble.

I am a cow if it was my daughter i would ake away all her privlages so she couldnt get into contact with them again, like take away her mobile with there numbers on it. But then again they would hate you etc, its so hard to know what to do.

And like has been said before a 14 year old thinks they are old enough to do what they like, they dont yet know the dangers of things. ANd they wont listen to anyone really.
Is there anyone she is close to in the family (looks up too) and will listen too?

I would also be getting her the morning after pill wether she says she did anything or not.

I hope she comes home. Im sure she will be ok, but i know you are stressing majorly right now.

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