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So i need a few outside opinions.. Lock Rss


So what would you think if your boyfriend of 8 months said he was spending a week or 2 with his Ex and their kids at HER families down south for the christmas period?

I would think that he was trying to make things as normal as possible for his children at christmas.

But does he really need to stay with his ex's family?

I LOVE BEING A MUMMY!

no way i would agree on that.......like pp said does he need to stay with her ex's family?

my dh has 2 kids from previous marriage and at xmas time she has them half a day and the other half my dh.

/ur

My family think im crazy to be "ok" about it but i figure they're a bit too biased! i get that he'd want to make it normal for his kids (4 + 5) but not sure where my own kids (1 + 2)and i come into it.


my dh has 2 kids from previous marriage and at xmas time she has them half a day and the other half my dh.


This is what my ex and i will be doing this year so cant really go on a trip with the bf too otherwise my own kids and their father are put out. Horrible stupid circumstances!

yes they are horrible circumstances......i know some parents where the mother has them for xmas one year and the father the following year just incase they plan holidays and things like that.......but how many ex's can you get along with to make plans like that hmmmm i know mine is an absolute *%@#%

/ur

i would think that i'd better be invited!
I wouldn't be very happy about it at all..

The only advice i can offer is remember all the posts u see on here about BIL's new g/f wont let him spend time with the family or cousin new b/f never lets her see the rest of the family... I guess i'm trying to say is maybe try seeing it from both sides and I would also recommend sitting down with ur B/f and explaining it to him that hey look you'r not overly happy with him spending so much time with the ex n her family but your not trying to step in between quality time with the kids at christmas and her family...

Good luck its not an easy position to be in

Not sure how well u get along with the ex but u could extend the olive branch and get them all some small gifts.. nothing to expensive or anything like that just something small would b a nice touch
[Edited on 01/10/2009]

I would not be letting that happen. They are either together or they are not - to me there is no "happy families on special occassions" because this only creates problems for everyone but mostly as the kids have false illusions their parents are going to get back together - JMO.

I would suggest to him that he have his kids, your kids and both of you and have a Christmas celebration a week earlier and on the day he should video call them and spend the day with you after all you are his future. We do this with DH other kid and it works well and each year him and the ex alternate so they have Christmas eve and day alternate years. It keeps everyone happen and there is no confusion with not knowing where things stand.
I personally don't see the need for him to spend a week or 2 WITH his EX and her family. I also don't see how this could make things 'easier' for the kids- IMO it would be confusing- mummy and daddy together for Christmas then daddy goes away again IYWKIM?


Well I think there are a few more factors in this.

Does he have an amicable relationship with his ex?

Does he still have contact and get along with his ex-inlaws?

Is this something that was planned before you were in the picture?

Is this a tradition?

If all of those answers are yes - or 90% are then I would assume he is being a caring father and trying to be with his children for Xmas. I would be proud of him for putting his kids first and being able to leave the ex-relationship side of the equation out of the picture for the sake of his kids.

Posted by: Lil*Man07_Lil*Bump09
I personally don't see the need for him to spend a week or 2 WITH his EX and her family. I also don't see how this could make things 'easier' for the kids- IMO it would be confusing- mummy and daddy together for Christmas then daddy goes away again IYWKIM?




Yep I agree
Posted by: mummamia
My family think im crazy to be "ok" about it but i figure they're a bit too biased! i get that he'd want to make it normal for his kids (4 + 5) but not sure where my own kids (1 + 2)and i come into it.


my dh has 2 kids from previous marriage and at xmas time she has them half a day and the other half my dh.


This is what my ex and i will be doing this year so cant really go on a trip with the bf too otherwise my own kids and their father are put out. Horrible stupid circumstances!


Well I think you are absolutely right to be ok about it! They are his children and they should always come first, and as you've said, it's your own circumstances that mean you can't go with him, as you are doing what you think is best for YOUR children, just as he is doing what he thinks is best for HIS children.

Unfortunately that's just the way it is sometimes with blended families (and I speak from my own personal experience), not everyone will always be happy, but as long as the children involved are then that's all that matters. And he and his ex obviously still get on well which is the best possible outcome for the kids. Sometimes we just need to swallow our pride and remember that the kids always come first.

As for those that think it's confusing for his kids for him to be there, I assume that's not the only contact he has with them during the year, and they have had it well explained about Mummy and Daddy not being together anymore? And I know I'd rather my Dad there than not!

I think you are a wonderful, supportive partner and all 4 of the kids are lucky to have you. Well done
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