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Bit of background:

DS1 has his toys in his room, when he wants to come out and colour, go outside, watch TV with us or just chill in the lounge he is told to pack up all his toys. Basically when ever he is finished with something he has to tidy up (even outside toys) This is fine, he does this no problems every now and then when he is tired he sooks so we tell him if he doesn't pick them up then we'll have to take the ones that are left out away, he picks them up straight away.

Now the story:

When we go to peoples houses, it's the same deal. However, when he is told to pack up the people we are visiting say don't worry about it they are just going to be pulled out again anyway, we say we understand but this is what he has to do at home aswell. Generally, like with family they were a bit *rolly eye-ee* at first but now they understand kind of but you can tell they think I am evil and hard on him lol and others well they just give us weird looks and that.

ETA~ If the other child isn't helping DS pack up we only make him tidy up half the mess (me or DP do the other half)as he wasn't the only one playing (that is explained to him) But that has only happened twice generally the other child see's DS doing it so helps!

And the questions:

1. Is it like that at your house?
2. Do you do the same thing when visiting others?
3. If you are the one being visited and someone tells their child to pack up, do you understand their (my) side of it?
4. Do you get offended if peoples kids make a mess with the toys and don't even offer to help tidy up when they are leaving?



[Edited on 13/01/2010]
1. Yes, to an extent. Im finding im picking up more and more toys of late though, that is why i packed up EVERY toy i could find into packing boxes and moved them into the shed! lol They will come back out soon enough.

2. Yes, the girls must EACH pick up at least 5 toys and put them away.
But if there are blocks/playdough etc, then they must pick them all up.

3. Yes, i understand, and help them get excited about packing the toys away.

4. Yes and no, i think its rude if they dont offer to pick up some, or more so take note that there is now a disaster zone of toys when there wasnt one when they first walked in. I think its common courtesy to at least offer to pick some up. But i dont really care either if i have to pick them up! lol COnfusing much?!

3 Little Ones to Love.....

1 - yes its like that at our house - as much as possible anyways
2 - yes we do the same at other peoples houses...
3 - I do understand the other persons point of view, but i still say (without the kid hearing me) "they dont have to the kids are only going to drag them all back out...but dont push it on them
4 - TBH - Yes i do... and i even get annoyed if other adults make mess in my home and dont even bother to offer to help... ie... my brother, and a couple friends of us (marissa, so not refering to you, you know who im talking about lol)


[Edited on 13/01/2010]
In answer to your questions

1. Yes we have the same rule in our house as well, and the same as your DS my kids are pretty quick to go do it, 90% of the time without issue.

2. Yes when we go to other peoples house's we make them help pack up all the toys because I don't think it is fair that the child or parent they are visting should have to pick it all up when they helped make the mess and also because I dont want the habit broken.

3 & 4. I love it when my friends tell there littlies to help pack up, it makes the job less of a hassle when they all do it together and I actually get quite annoyed when my friends don't get there kiddies to contribute to tidy up time before they leave. I dont see how it is fair that myself or my littlies get left with all the mess when they didn't do it all by themselves. Especially when my kids generally only have what they are playing with out and when everyone else comes to play we generally end up with everything out.

Of course there are times when its understandable that they suddenly have to rush off without helping but generally its not the case.

Tia
When you are at someone elses house you should respect their wishes. their house - their rules.

If the parents would like the toys packed up then all of the kids should help.
1. Is it like that at your house?

To a degree, my kids have to tidy the toyroom each day, its not always perfect but a good effort is made, often (like today) I will go in and put everything in its proper spot, but they do have the job of tidying daily

2. Do you do the same thing when visiting others?

yes definitely, mine are warned before they get anything out at others' houses that they are to pack up when finished


3. If you are the one being visited and someone tells their child to pack up, do you understand their (my) side of it?

I always give a token "don't worry about it" if the parent wants it done by their kids then I am happy to let them go, but I am generally not concerned

4. Do you get offended if peoples kids make a mess with the toys and don't even offer to help tidy up when they are leaving?

Depends on the kids and the amount of mess!
Most visitors no, it doesn't bother me one bit, I find majority of parents offer and I say thanks but don't stress I will do it later BUT in saying t hat I have a friends bioy that I look after on Thrusday arvos, he has free reign in his house and tries it here, I started making him pack everything up before his mum got here (he literally got each and every toy out + every DVD in the cabinet) and he is much better now!!! LOL
Posted by: *pookibum*
When you are at someone elses house you should respect their wishes. their house - their rules.


Even if their rules go 'against' the way you are raising your child? For instance this lol kids eating/drinking habbits, throwing of sticks/stones etc IYWKIM?


I too do it as to not to break the habbit and simply because I want to teach DS that he needs to pick up after himself and not expect others to do it for him. I also don't want him to start thinking that when we are out all the rules at home go out the window.
Posted by: ~2*littlemen~
Posted by: *pookibum*
When you are at someone elses house you should respect their wishes. their house - their rules.


Even if their rules go 'against' the way you are raising your child? For instance this lol kids eating/drinking habbits, throwing of sticks/stones etc IYWKIM?


I too do it as to not to break the habbit and simply because I want to teach DS that he needs to pick up after himself and not expect others to do it for him. I also don't want him to start thinking that when we are out all the rules at home go out the window.


Then if thats the case you don't go to their house. You cant impose your own rules and beliefs on them and their children in their house.

Kids need to learn that everyone is different and has different rules and values. Just becasue they throw food, doesn't mean your son has to. SO if they are all together and their children start throwing food, you make sure your son doesn't. And pull him up for it if he does.

Posted by: *pookibum*
Posted by: ~2*littlemen~
Posted by: *pookibum*
When you are at someone elses house you should respect their wishes. their house - their rules.


Even if their rules go 'against' the way you are raising your child? For instance this lol kids eating/drinking habbits, throwing of sticks/stones etc IYWKIM?


I too do it as to not to break the habbit and simply because I want to teach DS that he needs to pick up after himself and not expect others to do it for him. I also don't want him to start thinking that when we are out all the rules at home go out the window.


Then if thats the case you don't go to their house. You cant impose your own rules and beliefs on them and their children in their house.

Kids need to learn that everyone is different and has different rules and values. Just becasue they throw food, doesn't mean your son has to. SO if they are all together and their children start throwing food, you make sure your son doesn't. And pull him up for it if he does.



I have rules at home that apply to our friends houses aswell. Like the girls are not allowed to eat on the couch, so if we go to a friends house and their kids are eating on the couch, then my kids must go out to the kitchen table or outside etc to eat.

THey take their shoes off no matter what.

They are NOT allowed to jump/stand on furniture here, so they will not be allowed to do that at others. I have numerous times had to tell them off at a certain friends house because they are jumping onthe bed,which those kids are allowed to do, but i think it is totally disrespectful.

It makes me look like i am a total biatch.

3 Little Ones to Love.....

You may think it makes you look like a BlTCH but it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. You have your rules for a good reason. They are your kids and you will do things your way with them.

And if your friends have a go at you for it, then are they really friends?

All of my friends differ to me on certain things but it doesn't get in the way of our friendship. For example I do not allow coke under any circumstances and my eldest kids are 12 and nearly 10. But their friends are allowed it. I don't hold it against them and they dont hold it against me. It is what it is.


[Edited on 13/01/2010]
*pookibum*- Well that is more or less the same as the toy picking up scenario, just because their kids aren't made to do it doesn't mean I am not going to tell my DS he doesn't have to IYKWIM?

Using your example with the food throwing and telling your child not to, if the person we are visiting turns around and says 'oh leave him be it's fine' then what? I'm either going to allow my child to behave in such a way or disrespect their wishes in their house? Which one would you go with?

ETA~ your above post- No they don't have a go they just look at me like I'm a natzi (sp?) LOL so it just made me wonder if I'm the only one that did this or not
[Edited on 13/01/2010]
I see what you are saying. The toy thing is different as their kids are going to continue playing with the toys and they probably only pack the toys away at the end of the night like I do. Otherwise they just keep coming back out.

If they say to "leave him be it's fine", with food, just say nah I don't like him to do that as I cant stand cleaning up the mess and laugh it off. I dont think their wishes would be to have your son throw food and just becasue they are happy for him to join in with their kids, you certainly have a right to say no to that, but as I said - the toy thing is different.

Can I also add - what sane person would let their kids chuck food everywhere? That would drive me bonkers!
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