parenting plan

ex dp and i have recently arranged a parenting plan and im just curious about what others would do in this situation.

it was arranged that he would see ds once a fortnight and that he could ring ds every week on a wednesday between 4 and 5pm. now 2 weeks in a row ex dp has failed to stick to this agreement, first week he rang at 6.30 using the excuse his phone wasnt working properly and spoke to ds for about 2 minutes as was on a pay phone.
then this week he sent a message after 5pm asking me to ring a different number as he had lost his phone. this time ds was asleep and i didnt have the credit to return the phone call.

so what would you do? do you accept his calls even if they are outside the agreed time and make a note of it in case it turns out to be an ongoing thing or do you put your foot down and stop him talking to ds outside these times. and if he had no credit etc would you return the phone call

sorry but so what if he wants to ring everyday of the week. He is the childs father. Is it really going to put you out to take his calls.

Can I ask why you have set a time for him to ring unless DS is in bed and your home. Why cant he ring anytime anyday. If your there your there if your not your not.

Even though it may be outside of the agreed times, I think it is a good thing that he is still trying to contact his son. I would accept the calls, at least he is still making an effort.

I agree with the PP he could call every day if he wanted he is the father. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to have one hour a week where I was allowed to call my child.

If the situation was reversed.. and you were allocated one day per week to call even though you were hardly seeing your son, would you be happy with it?

No one should ever stand in the way of a parent phoning their kid... it's not hurting you or him, so why not?

i was just asking some advice. there is no need to be rude or attack me.


its all well and good to say that he should be able to call any time he likes and i would love it to be that way but the fact is we do not always get along and he is not good and being a regular person in ds live. its been nearly a year since he has wanted anything to do with ds and i was told by everyone and my lawyer that the best thing to do was to ensure that ds had a routine where he would know when his dad would call so that he could readjust easier. if we didnt have a time agreed for when he would call it would be all over the place and there would be weeks go by where we wouldnt hear from him, which would result in ds feeling rejected again.

i was merely asking from a parenting plan situation. this is only a temporary thing in order to help ds back into a relationship with his dad.

and its not as easy as him ringing whenever he feels like it. i work, ds attends childcare. i dont think its fair to interupt dinner time nor can i wake him if ex dp were to call when he was asleep. if i have a time i can make sure that ds is 100% accessable to him and he can talk for as long as he likes

everyone got off the track from the op. we don't know as to why this agreement was in place.

As for the opening question yes i would be recording these events in a diary specially for this. You may need it in the future. An all the excuses are a bit lame even if it was a pay phone it would have been nice for more than 2 mins iykwim.

I think that if he rings, you should let him talk to his son. It doesnt sound like he will stick to the agreement, so I think you are fighting a losing battle there. If your son is having tea or in bed etc, thats not a good time, but say in a calm voice, that he can ring back in half hour when the meal is finished etc. This will only work if your ex knows that you are being fair, and not having a powertrip.

I would let him talk to your son and I would record it. I would not ring him back.

Posted by: 4littleangels
I think that if he rings, you should let him talk to his son. It doesnt sound like he will stick to the agreement, so I think you are fighting a losing battle there. If your son is having tea or in bed etc, thats not a good time, but say in a calm voice, that he can ring back in half hour when the meal is finished etc. This will only work if your ex knows that you are being fair, and not having a powertrip.

thankyou thats all i was asking.

How old is your DS for a start. Sorry to sound rude but it is a 2 way street. Put the shoe on the other foot like Chalyls said and if it was you would you be happy with an hour a week where you could talk to your son.

Plus to add he hasnt been in DS life is that your fault or his. Two sides to every story and this seems to be all one sided which is your side.

Couldnt he have that time 7 days a week. What stops him from ringing on a Monday or a Sunday YOU not your lawyer and especailly not your son as if he is only in daycare he wouldnt even know Friday from Wednesday depending on his age.

So your saying that he knows that of a Wed after tea or before tea daddy will call umm who are you trying to convience yourself or me.

Hey Katherine, what if you extended the time the call could be made? just say look I understand that sometimes things happen he generally goes to bed at x time so I would ask you call at least half an hour before then so that his routine is not upset. We get home at x time so if you call anytime after then that would also be fine. I think that having such limited access it can be hard - he probably resents being told when he can speak to his son and as you said you are trying to get a routine for him, however I would worry that if you son expects the call at this exact time every week and some thing comes up that it would be even more devistating for him if you know what I mean.

Another option (this is what we did for my son) was that his father bought a cheap (at that stage it was a $20 coke phone lol) mobile for my DS and it would be switched on when ever we were at home until 7:00pm, if his dad wanted to call to say hi then he could with out having to worry about me lol, if we were going out or at bed time etc then the phone was switched off. I never paid for credit to be put on the phone and if he wanted DS to call him then he had to pay for credit.

I dont know the situation with your seperation but I do know mine and it was not suitable for me to have open access on the home phone but in the same token I did not wnat to restrict the access to my son if that makes sense, Just an idea.

Hope it all sorts out of you

Leigha

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