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  5. Am I just being pathetic?? very long and boring no doubt

Am I just being pathetic?? very long and boring no doubt Lock Rss

I rang my mum on Wednesday to ask her if she would have the kids overnight in about 4 weeks times, as it's DH's birthday and I'm trying to plan a surprise for him (charter fishing in the day and either a bit of a party at our place when they get back, or a night out with a group of friends, and I don't think it would be a good idea for the kids to be around, we'll all be drinking etc), anyway she immediately starts making the I don't what I'll be doing that weekend sounds, her partner owns a furniture moving company and she works for him and they will often get short notice things, like a pack job etc, but very rarely on the weekends. I said to her well at this stage it sounds like nothing and I'm asking you if you will commit to looking after the kids for one night, which she then gave the big sigh and went I suppose so... (she said not long ago now that the pool's fenced she'll be able to have the kids go up and stay at their place, blah blah, well this is the second time I've asked, the first time she said no, as they were going away the following weekend and she had too much to do).
I was like gee thanks mum, I know it's a pain but I don't ask you often (the last time she had them will be 4 months ago and that was only for a about 3-4 hours in the evening and it was my birthday), she immediately started on about how they haven't had a weekend off for so long and blah blah blah, I was like, "this is in about a months time, not this weekend, and I know your busy, but I don't ask you often" then for some unknown reason, she flew off the handle at me and started yelling and then hung up on me, and hasn't phoned me since...
I don't want to phone her, I don't think I did anything wrong, but usually I phone her every day, to just say hello etc, and usually the kids and I would have gone to her work for lunch today, but I thought stuff it, I don't actually want to be around her at the moment...

I'm actually feeling really quite hurt and upset, am I pathetic and should I get over myself and call her or just wait and let her call me?
Mothers are strange creatures aren't they!!! smile
Would there be anything else going on in her life that might be stressing her out..... maybe she flew off the handle not because of anything you said, but because of something else going on entirely?

On the other hand, how many kids do you have...are they difficult to handle? (ie any ADHD,illnesses??) Maybe she doesn't feel she can handle them all at the same time?? Maybe her partner has an issue with the kids and it's not her at all?? Just playing devils advocate here!!

I live in NZ and ALL my family are overseas. We have DH's family around but I'm afraid my sister in law and her kids seem to take precedence with EVERYONE when it's comes to babysitting etc... we can go from one end of the week to the next without seeing any of his family and we almost all live on the same stretch of road - so we pretty much do without any breaks / nights out etc. And there are so many times when I'd give my eye teeth to be able to drop the little guy to my parents for a few hours or overnight but unless we want to fly to Ireland it's not an option!

Anyway, I can understand you being annoyed, but I think I'd pick up the phone again and try and see what's really bugging her. Besides - you still need a babysitter!! Good luck!!

www.nutrimetics.com.au/sineadfraser

Thanks cailin for your reply... she might have other things going on at the moment, but usually I'm the first to hear about them... I have 2 monkey's and they are actually pretty good kids really, DD is 3.5 and DS is 20 months, they LOVE their nana to pieces, and her partenr, loves them to pieces, they call him poppa and he treats them like they are his.... so I don't know??? I should call but at the same time, I think if I do call her, I might end up starting a fight wwith her and I probably won't need a babysitter any more, as I don't want her to now...
maybe because my mum lives in a different state to me and has never baby sat for us i have a different view on things.

But our parents have done their job. They have raised us and thats all they are required to do. They don't have to mind the grand kids if they don't want to.

But i do understand the hurt feelings it leaves in us when we ask and they carry on like it is such a huge thing to commit to. Do you have anyone else you could ask?

i''''m baking a baby


maybe because my mum lives in a different state to me and has never baby sat for us i have a different view on things.

But our parents have done their job. They have raised us and thats all they are required to do. They don't have to mind the grand kids if they don't want to.

But i do understand the hurt feelings it leaves in us when we ask and they carry on like it is such a huge thing to commit to. Do you have anyone else you could ask?

Cailin said it so much better then me

i''''m baking a baby

I'm in the same boat as loveablecherubs.

I certainly understand why you're upset but, at the same time, if she doesn't want to have her Grandchildren overnight, I don't think she's under any obligation to.

Sure, asking her to take the kids for 1 night isn't unreasonable. But, it isn't unreasonable for her to say no either. I also don't feel that she should need to justify why she doesn't want to; they aren't her responsibility.

I don't mean to be rude. I think it's really lovely what you're planning for your DH's birthday and I can understand why you'd be disappointed that you're Mum didn't want to take the kids for the night. It does sound a little like she was trying to say no politely and you kept pushing saying that you don't ask for much etc. Maybe she felt that you were trying to guilt her into it and felt a little backed into a corner?? Does she usually have a temper? Maybe she's just under some stress at the moment and your chat was just the straw that broke the camels back.

If it were me, I'd call her and just ask what upset her and try to sort it out smile

Good luck smile
we dont do parties without the kiddies around and we always have drinks but no one gets rolling drunk.You might have to rethink the celebrations.Actually , the only thing dh & I celebrate on our own is our wedding anniversary but a few times have taken kids to dinner with us but somwhere more kid friendly

mum of 3 boys aged 11, 13 and 14


I'm in the same boat as loveablecherubs.

I certainly understand why you're upset but, at the same time, if she doesn't want to have her Grandchildren overnight, I don't think she's under any obligation to.

Sure, asking her to take the kids for 1 night isn't unreasonable. But, it isn't unreasonable for her to say no either. I also don't feel that she should need to justify why she doesn't want to; they aren't her responsibility.

I don't mean to be rude. I think it's really lovely what you're planning for your DH's birthday and I can understand why you'd be disappointed that you're Mum didn't want to take the kids for the night. It does sound a little like she was trying to say no politely and you kept pushing saying that you don't ask for much etc. Maybe she felt that you were trying to guilt her into it and felt a little backed into a corner?? Does she usually have a temper? Maybe she's just under some stress at the moment and your chat was just the straw that broke the camels back.

If it were me, I'd call her and just ask what upset her and try to sort it out smile

Good luck smile



I know it sounds like I was guilting her, but that wasn't what I was trying to do, I just wanted an answer and really she knows this, she has said no before and that's been fine, I haven't gotten grumpy or anything, but I didn't want her saying yes and me organising something and then she has something else happen and let me down (I like to be organised and know where the kids are and they are safe etc).

I can understand what your all saying about not living in the same state etc with your families and them doing their jobs and now it's over for them, but she has said she would have them and now I have asked twice...

Question for those who don't live in the same place as you parents and if you have a very good relationship with them... if you did live in the same place would you ask your mum to have them occasionally??? and I mean occasionally, before my birthday the last time was back in June last year...

vkw, I also get the include the kids, but none of the other people have kids or they are alot older than ours, and I actually thought it was better for them not to be around, rather than expose them to some drinking too much, not saying myself, but others.
Hey chick!!

I can understand how you're feeling. I have times I feel like that too towards mum and MIL but somehow I seem to muddle through and calm down. It is frustrating when they say "I've done this so I can have the kids sometime" and when there is a "sometime" that arises they can't commit.

With my mum, shes so busy I have to book her as soon as I know I need her lol. MIL and I have a standing date on a Wednesday morning and if I have an appointment during the week she is my first port of call (she is retired but still has a few things on). I try to use my side of the family in weekends as much as I can - they all work during the week and live 45 mins away.

when you've calmed down maybe give her a call and say what you've said here are calmly as you can.

xoxox

BTW I don't often as for a babysitter either smile

Love my boys M-10/05/08 J-01/12/09

The only times I have had a night away from the kids is when I was in hospital having an operation and then when I had DS. Even then DH was at home with DD and only stayed in hospital with me during labour and the last night at the hotel when my sister offered to have DD as she hadnt seen her for ages and wouldnt for 6months after so wanted to spend time with her. DH's parents live just around the corner and have never had the kids overnight except for DD when I was in labour with DS.

Your mum might just not feel comfortable having them overnight at such a young age (DH's parents arent).








Question for those who don't live in the same place as you parents and if you have a very good relationship with them... if you did live in the same place would you ask your mum to have them occasionally??? and I mean occasionally, before my birthday the last time was back in June last year...



If my mum lived local yes i would ask her occassionally to baby sit. BUT i wouldn't be upset if she said no.

My inlaws live local and we ask them to baby sit when needed but we are always prepared to be told no or even on the day arranged to be told that it's a no go as mil isn't a well women.

I used to be a nany before kids and my last family had an arrangement with friends of theirs. The mums would look after the other kids so they could go for a night out. The next month they would switch. Would that be an option for you?

i''''m baking a baby

TBH I have no idea what goes on in the mind of middle age women. I respect the fact that they have worked hard and have spent their time raising children and what - but so many have the attitude 'I did it tough - so you can too'. My mum and dad live interstate - but I know that they would drop everything for DS. They are very family orientated and nothing comes before family.

In your case I would probably call your mum back and let her know that you appreciate the support and help that she provides and that you understand if she is not able to look after your children on those occasions that you need.
Good luck

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