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  5. Just so friggen over it all today.....

Just so friggen over it all today..... Lock Rss

I hate it, I hate everything today, i am so angry, I am down, depressed, you name it I am feeling it, add to that a TTing and tantuming 2yo and a clingy 4yo, I knw its not their fault vbut I don't want to be there for anyone else today, who is friggen well here for me????????????????????????????/

I am dreading tomorrow, we have Lukes autopsy results and gentic testing results, I can;'t do it anymore, I want to curl up and die with him, we know his cause of death already but need to find out if the girls may have what he had and also if its safe for us to have more kids.

I am over it, I have accepted what has happened to us, feeling like this won't change a damn thing, and most days I can cope with reminding myself that... today? I feel like screaming Why LUke????? I miss him so bloody much, I feel like my insides have been ripped out, I didn't know you could learn live with such pain, I have a physical ache in my chest each and every day.
I had to celebrate my birthday without him on thursday and do you knopw what I missed? My chocolate cake decorated by him with about 2inches iof icing and a few bags of lollies! He did it every year for me and DH and I loved those cakes more than you can imagine.

Poor little reags is so cranky and chucking tantys, normal for her age I know but I just screamed at the poor baby to Shut the hell up, I have NEVER spoken to ANY child l;ike that but I just can't deal with it all

Sorry I don't expect people to read and reply I just NEED to let it out.
i don;t know what to say other than get some counselling and hang in their for your other kids sad
Does your partner know how you feel?
I don't think what you are feeling is wrong either.

I am crying with you... the pain you are feeling is unimaginable but please know i am thinking of you always and that i wish with everything i had i could take some of that pain away for you.

Put a DVD on for the girls or set them up with some paper and pencils/crayons, make yourself a cuppa and go sit outside in the fresh air for a few moments of peace.

Sending you all the love in the world and )))GBH((( wish i could could you real ones.

I know we haven't chatted much but im always here i you need an ear... i'll PM you my number and you can text or call whenever you need, be it day or night.

Much love hon -xx-

Oh Jess, I don't know what to say Honey. I am thinking of you though and sending you great big Cyber Hugs. I wish there was something I could do that would make you feel better. Is B home or does he have to work? Is there anyone you can call to come and give you a hug and take the girls out to play for a while just to give you a chance to scream at the injustice of the world?

GBH's jess, do you have someone that can come watch the girls for the day, or even over night?? that way you can scream, cry and get it all out for a while. Do you think you would benefit from seeing someone like a councillor?

I don't know what else to say, I cant imagine what you are feeling. Wish i was closer so i could help.

You are amazing and strong and although it doesn't feel this way you can survive this, keep holding on hun

Big hugs Jess, I am so so sorry you are going through this. I can't imagine how hard each day must be without Luke. It breaks my heart to read what you are going through, I wish I could change it for you. If you want to chat mate, I am here, I can even jump in the car and come down one day for a visit if that's what you want, it's no trouble and I don't mind. You are never far from my thoughts, please let me know if there is anything I can do for you at all.
Oh Jess....
I can't even imagine how you are feeling. You have every right to feel angry, hurt, depressed.

You are going through so much and most people can not understand. We can try but unless they have been there they have no idea.

Your girls will be fine.

Be kind to yourself.

You and your family are always in my thoughts. I so wish there was something that i could say or do to easy your pain.

Sending you love

i''''m baking a baby

There are no words, I just wanted to send you some love
I don't really have anything to add Jess. Just know that I am thinking about you, and wishing I could take all of the pain away.

I have cried and said a prayer for you Jess xxx
Thanks ladies,
DH is home but his way of dealing with it is to work in the shed so no help there, I know he is hurting too, I love him to bits but it is driving me a little mad.
THe girls are both asleep now and I am having a coffee.
I want to try councelling, we have one visit from SIDS and kids but I just can't speak about it, I can sit around and have a normal conversation but I just cant say how I feel,
Thanks for the offer Sarah, we really should have a ctah up soon.
Jess, I don't have any experience with what you are goung through, but I would peresvere with the counselling. You may find that after building up a relationship with the counsellor with normal chit chat, one day you may find it is the right time to talk, and you'll have a trusted person to talk with.

Enjoy your coffee and have a bit of chocolate as well
Thanks Michelle, I have had two Creme Caramel tim tams, amazing what a coffee and choc boost can do, I am going to go outside for a bit and clean of the patio and the car and hopefully go for a walk later, sometimes that helps
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