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almost 4 Lock Rss

I have had it with his bloody child of mind. he will be 4 in 2 mths, and he is seriosuly doing my head in, we stoped taking him anywhere months ago, because all he does is scream and cry. well today i thought it would be nice to go into town and let him ride his bike around. well nooo it was friggen hell. he was ok at first, then within 1minute he wouldnt pedal, kept cryin gi cant i cant, and pretending to fall off. we tried and tried to get him to ride but no luck. so i told him if he can TRY and ride to the car. not even 5 meters away, we will drive over to teh beach and go play in the sand. well that was the end of that, all he coudl do was SCREAM and cry and make us all look like friggen idiots. he then screamed to whole way home, adn is now in bed with the shits and refusing to go to sleep. but to bad for him he isnt coming out.

im so over this ***, we cant go anywhere becuase of him screaming. somehow its my and my mums fault, she has the boys every day while we work. he does get a fair bit of what he wants over there. but that isnt the whole reason he carrys on like a flipping idiot. im so angry and sad, and feel crap that i cant even get him to be happy.
we give him change after chance. tried for weeks taking his toys away one by one and he was doing well, but we are back to square one now.

sorry for the major winge but i just had to. i am over crying my head hurts, i feel sh*t.
HI there!

MY 4 year old sort of does the same thing! he won't get dressed by himself because "he can't, i need help" even though i know he can and he has started whinging a lot more.

It took me a while to figure out why but what it came down to is attention! When i started spending more quality time with him it improved, i also started a reward chart, every time he say, dressed himself or was patient or shared, anything good really,he would get a star, it helped massively cause he figured that he was getting more attention/rewards by being good.

When he did whinge/cry or start with the "i can't" i just said stop that or yes you can and the ignored him. If he got worse i would then sit down with him and talk through things with him and explain things and that diffused the situation.

Also i make "deals" with him and shake on it lol! like if you get dressed that you can have a choccie after lunch or whatever that usually works if he is just being silly.

One more thing never underestimate the power of laughter, i regularly use humor to defuse possible tantrums or situations getting out of hand!

Good luck smile
he found a choc this morning when he woke up and asked if he can have it i said yes after lunch and we put it up on the shelf where his little brother couldnt get it. he was happy with that and i have reminded him that it is there for him, but he doesnt care. there is no way he is getting it now.

we are well past the reasoning stage trying to talk it out with him and find out why he cant do it, etc. he gets alot of one on one time with hubby and myself and just me and him, he is hubby.
he is just being a little snot. god help me when he is a teen. we are gonna be in trouble then.

i am just gopnna have to go back to taking things off him. some goes straight into the bin. if its stuff that isnt important or worth anything.
the rest goes into the dining room and he doesnt get it back for a few days atleast and he has to prove he can be good. he is an angel when he wants to be, so poliet and happy. then he just gets the cranks at the drop of a hat and instantly starts screaming and crying.
arrrr i hate it that he can make me feel so sad and angry

and i know im not the only one going through this, makes me feel better lol i am not alone, and i am not crazy others out there understand
Personally I would be quiting my job and comming home to be with him if that is an option. It sounds like he is not just being little *** as you put it.

I know it is hard and tough love is called for. I would try and spend more time with him. I knw I was always saying I spend lots of one on one time with my son but I soon realised that it takes constant time with him for it to get through.
Also. Why are you angry? I had to ask myself that question. My answer was because my child wasn't doing what I wanted and I realised that I was part of the problem. To be the solution take a lot of giving. I dont stand my ground with my son much any more I give choices and reason. You have to be willing to be the bigger person in all of it.
I can totally understand were your coming from this leish_plus_2 ,

My dd is almost 3.5 and she just broke her snow dome from her baby christening because i told her you can shake it, when mummy finishes taing your little brother to the toilet. She agreed she would wait.

Then i get to toilet help my son, he likes me to stand there and listen, we talk about wee's LOL. Any how i here smash, i said K did you break your snow dome?. Giggles yeah sparkles every were.

So i rush out and say i thought you were waiting, she just giggles. And so we talk about how she was meant to wait as i am picking up the glass and mopping up the water. And she just doesnt seem to care.

If she goes out any were if she doesnt get her own way she has tantrums, and i have tried talking to her, it doesnt work.

And if she goes to the library and i say okay K five minutes and were leaving and then 2 minutes were going. She just cracks and has another tantrum.

I really don't feel its anything to do with staying home or not, because i stay home. And i certainly will not begin giving into her, when we go shopping just so she doesnt have a tantrum.

I am just hoping that she will one day learn to grow out of this stage, because it is like nothing we do is good enough for her.

best of luck

chin up

Kelly
To me this dosnt sound just 'behavioural'. I really think that he's reacting to the stimulation he's getting when you do go out. He gets over excited about things and then cant control his emotions, he cant 'shut' himself off. I have a son who was the same at about 3-4 years old. I felt like we couldnt go anywhere or do anything without a massive tantrum. He would be so excited to be going to the beach/shops/ bike ride etc but the whole experience was just way too much for him. I honestly thought he was being naughty but i could see some things that wernt 'right'.

Does your son cover his ears or shy away from light and noise?
would be good if i could just quit, but husband and i have our own business so i cant just leave.
he makes me angry when he is screaming over nothing, not when i have asked him to do somthing and he cries, when he wants u to help like open a door or put his shoes on, i can say yes i will help, then he chucks a massive wobbly as if i had said no. i try and try to get him to lsiten that i will help him,. but he doesnt care.
Leish have you had his hearing checked? B is displaying the same behaviour and the health nurse suggested we get his hearing checked. R used to have lots of ear infections didn't he? Could be worth a try.....
Could he possibly be autistic??

Autisim is usually detected around the age of 4 and screaming and not handling going out in public are very big ticks in the autism check list.

I would seriously go get him seen by a doctor as that is first thing I thought when I read ur post!

I know its hard, and trying, and frustrating. But please remember he is a little boy. Whether this is a phase he is going through or something more, you need to remember your his mum. Getting angry or frustrated at him is not going to improve the situation. Taking things and throwing them in the bin are only going to lower his self esteem and self worth. These things last a lifetime. There obviously needs to be some change, and your the one who needs to make the changes. Firstly you need to take him to the GP for a referral to a pead. You need a full health check to rule anything out. His behaviour is for a reason, and you need to find out what that reason is. Please don't take any of this the wrong way, i'm not trying to kick you when your down. I really do mean that. But the body works in amazing ways, and he is giving you clues that something is wrong.
i don't think going back to taking his toys off him will help, it didn't work the first time so i won't work now!

Also getting angry with him will make things worse. I's never to late or pointless to talk about things with your child. mothers are also teachers, it's our responsibility to teach our children how to deal with their emotions, how to work through problems, the difference between right and wrong, truth and lies....

Your son needs you right now, you are building the foundations of his being and you don't want to stuff him up, if you feel you can't help him then maybe get professional help!
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