this is going to be a long one

When my mum and dad got married they moved with my brother to Toowoomba .There was an elerly man looking after is very elderly mother living next door ...my sister was born and then I came along ... we were always very close with our neighbours and my mum started doing a few things to help him with his elderly mother ..she was a piano teacher and taught my brother who to play ... they were very very very nice to us ..

the mother ended up dying when I was about 6 and the old man latched onto our family even stronger ...he ended up selling his house and moving into our Granny flat ... the bond was even stronger by now he was one of us .. he ended up moving to a small town near by and my sister and I would go and spend weekends with him and holidays .. We had the BEST time ..icecream for brekky and fishing and motor bike riding ..just heaps of fun ..he was every part our Grandfather by now ... Our real Grandfathers died many years before we were born so was nice for us ..

Anway ...fast forward 20 years he is now Gravely ill ...living in a nursing home and we are still his only family .. I went to go and visit him and spend some time with him yesterday .. he has still got that crazy sence of humor and we laughed for ages ..people were asking who i was (he was in the hospital yesterday not the nursing home ..which is why I was alone) nurses were asking if I was a Great Grandaughter (This old bloke is nearly 90 lol lol )And he was saying that I was his girlfriend lol lol .. he was just being a dick !! lol lol

Well I rang my mum to tell her that he is fine and how he was going ..My Aunty (who lives with my mum ) had this huge converstion with me how this old bloke was a pedophile and if I was to look hard into my childhood I would remember things for sure ..she said she is not going to tell me anything cause she doesnt want to put memories in my head ..I asked if she saw this with her own eyes and she said no .....but an old man having something to do with such young girls all the time and alone was not normal...I owed it to myself to really think about this and I have had a big discussion with my sister and we are both in agreeance that absolutly nothing suss ever went on and he never even came close to crossing the line .... I guess maybe from the outside looking in it might have been a little strange ...but I can not think of any time where he was innappropriate ..

SO saying this ..would I let my kids go off for the weekend with an old man ??? deinately not ...but why do I not think that my relationship with our old neighbour is wrong ???? I am not going to make myself think that something is there when there wasnt .. but I am rather close to my Aunt and she wouldnt say it if it wasnt right ...

throw some common sence at me ladies lol lol

Oh Frankie.

Ok my first thoughts,

your parents wouldn't have taken him in or let you go and stay with him if they had any doubts that about this man.

Your Aunty didn't see anything, does she know anyone that was ACTUALLY abused by this man or did see anything?

People are dirty old gossips, when they don't understand someone they accuse them of being different or bad or whatever.


I guess go with your gut.

Coming form someone who is a victim of a...you know what I mean. You will know within yourself if something ever happened. Is it possible rumours were spread adn your aunty believes? Trust me if your parents thought something was going on you would have been warned not to go near him.

hmmm
I think times have changed.....What I was allowed to do when I was a child I would never allow my two Boys to do....
I think your Aunty may just have it in her head....and if what she is saying is true then you would remember and you say nothing happened!
I think it would be sad to treat this old man differently on a rumour with no proof!

what is so inappropriate about it? you were neighbours for ever and became very close. he has known you since birth.

no offence to your aunty but if all she is sayng is that it is not right for an old guy to have a platonic relationship with any female not of his age well that is seriously misguided and very sad that this is how some people think. to say such a thing with no proof of any kind is just wrong.

when i lived with my mum we were close to our neighbours on both sides. one an old man with a dog. he really did become like family and i would spend heaps of time over there. i still remember when his dog died and he came over to tell us and was all upset. we were his family, to give support, as he was to us. i would hate to think that someone would think ill of him for the close relationship i had with him.

there is nothing inappropriate at all and it cheapens the relationship to say that it is. how would he feel if he knew that this had been said about him. dont think that it is wrong when you know inside that it isnt.

If you are sure of your memories and the truth well thats all you need.
So what have you got then...a lovely man who obviously means a great deal to you and had a big impact on your childhood.
And what if he had been an old lady?
You know, there are GOOD men out there that love children! He sounds like one of them. It is a shame that you have had to question your memories.
Having said all that, would I left my girls do the same, probably not, but that is only because we are taught to 'fear' everyone! Sad, but true sad

Well, she said she didn't see it with her own eyes... what about your brother? perhaps he wasn't into girls?
PLEASE KNOW - I don't want to put ideas or bad feelings in your head either but...you said you and your sister used to go visit...what about your brother?
Did you ask your mum what your aunt was talking about?

If all else fails - I would say your aunt is just a cynical old woman and doesn't have faith in human kindness... of course NOT ALL PEOPLE are paedophiles but from an outsider I guess it could look odd since he wasn't family that he got so close to your family...

I reckon if you and your sister have such wonderful memories - put your aunts opinion aside and try not to let it bother you (although now that its been suggested it will probably always make you question it now) and keep him in that special place in your heart. Sounds to me like thats where he belongs AND I think its lovely that you still go visit him and spend time with him now you are older and can make up your own mind!

Given I have tried to remember and there is absolutly nothing there ..I am no longer going to dwell on this at all ...I would only be wasting time and that is something that this old man have very little of left ..he has (...oh god I wish I could spell ...that smoking related disease of the lunges ...I will give it a go .) emphacimea ???

I am just concerned that my Aunty would say this ..she is not someone to make something like this up ...we are very close .closer then my own mother and I ... so I just dont know if I should fob her off or if I shoudl really have a chat with her about this further ..do i want to know ??? I really want to forget that she said anything at all ...and 90% of me says to tell her she is just plain and simply wrong ...but .....

And would I know ??? truely ??? would it be something that you just know ???

If you are sure of your memories and the truth well thats all you need.
So what have you got then...a lovely man who obviously means a great deal to you and had a big impact on your childhood.
And what if he had been an old lady?
You know, there are GOOD men out there that love children! He sounds like one of them. It is a shame that you have had to question your memories.
Having said all that, would I left my girls do the same, probably not, but that is only because we are taught to 'fear' everyone! Sad, but true sad

yeah ...you make sence

Well, she said she didn't see it with her own eyes... what about your brother? perhaps he wasn't into girls?
PLEASE KNOW - I don't want to put ideas or bad feelings in your head either but...you said you and your sister used to go visit...what about your brother?
Did you ask your mum what your aunt was talking about?

If all else fails - I would say your aunt is just a cynical old woman and doesn't have faith in human kindness... of course NOT ALL PEOPLE are paedophiles but from an outsider I guess it could look odd since he wasn't family that he got so close to your family...

I reckon if you and your sister have such wonderful memories - put your aunts opinion aside and try not to let it bother you (although now that its been suggested it will probably always make you question it now) and keep him in that special place in your heart. Sounds to me like thats where he belongs AND I think its lovely that you still go visit him and spend time with him now you are older and can make up your own mind!

Well as for my brother ..he is 10 years older then me and he was moved out of home and over to Perth by the time he was 17 ...so he diddnt really ahve alot to do with him during his latter teen years which is when we cemented his position in our family ...

I did ask my mum and she was angry and had no idea what she was talking about ...

Wish she never bloody said anything ....cause i know he was all above board ..but why would she say it ...she is not an old cow ..she is very liberal thinking woman ... God ..I dunno !

Sorry to hear you have to go through this and have it taint your childhood memories. Now it has been said, it will probably always be in the back of your mind.
Firstly, I would just like to say, I had something happen to me when I was around 6 years old, It is something that you do not forget, because both you and your sister have absolutely no memory of anything even remotely wrong I would say nothing happened. Trust me, one of you would remember something!
Secondly, Years ago it was perfectly ok for elderly people to become grandparent substitutes and become part of a family, society has now changed and an old male man who loves children is sadly questioned.
Do you think perhaps your Aunt was a little put out by the relationship you kids had with someone who wasn't really a blood relative?
I dont know, I just don't think he should be thought of like that if nothing happened and I honestly can't imagine that both you and your sister would have it totally erased from your memories ifykwim.
Hope you can feel at ease about it again soon.

Frankie - you would definitely know if something had happened. Even if there was no actual memory, there would have been times in your life where you would have talked to someone or seen something or heard something and just gotten AN INCREDIBLY uncomfortable feeling and YOU WOULD JUST KNOW!

Perhaps if you really need to, then do talk to your aunt but keep in your heart how he was with YOU and your sister which is most important (and often hard to do when you hear things of that nature.)

I had a primary school deputy principal give himself up to the police for paedophilia over about 30yrs - he was THE nicest male teacher I ever had in primary school but nothing ever happened to my friends or I and thats how we all decided to remember him but it definitely does make you doubt things about him AND unfortunately OTHERS as you go through life...

And I didn't call your aunt a cow - just cynical - which can happen to the best of us as we get older and see more and more bad things as we go through life!