I can't do this anymore, my whole life and husband can go to hell

Well yesterday was six months since my little boys passed away and i have been struggling even more than normal for the past week.
Hubby had a farewell dinner for one of his staff (which i expected he would go to) lastnight and i had to stay home because my DD has hand, foot and mouth. Anyway to cut a long story short I thought (stupidly) that he would come home at a reasonable hour to spend some time with me, given he knew i had had a shocking few days and nights and was bawling to him on the phone at work yesterday. But nope, he gets home at 10:20, he knows i go to bed way before this and brings a few mates home with him to have a few beers. GREAT! FAN FU&KIN@ TASTIC. so i continue to ball my eyes out till midnight before i fall asleep exhausted. This morning he is wondering why i have the sh!t3.
He has been so unsupportive since the boys passed, he doesnt talk about it, never asks how i am going? Doesnt seem to give a toss basically.
I asked him if we could try counselling, his try was one session then he cancelled the second one. My DD has been going to pre school telling her teachers that mummy cries a lot and daddy is always angry, it breaks my heart. I have asked him to go to the dr's because i believe he is depressed but he wont do anything about it, he just bottles it up.
Anyway moral to the story, my life and husband can go to he11. I have had enough

Big Hugs xoxooxx

i cant even begin to imagine what you have been through over the past 6 months. it breaks my heart to think about it so your life must be very difficult at the moment.
im really sorry your husband is not supporting you. it does sound like he hasnt dealt with it at all and is in denial. he probably feels just as awful as you but doesnt know how to express himself. im sure deep down he is hurting terribly and still loves and cares about you very much.
i dont really know what to say except that im sorry.

how absolutely agonisingly awful for you! Also, it was pretty insensative of your DH to bring people home on a day such as it was.

IMO he's not dealt with the grief and possibly doesnt know how to. He will get there eventually.

Sorry I have no personal experience for what you're going through but I wish I could just reach through my laptop and give you a big hug.

Rach xoxo

sad sounds like a hard one.

My husband has had depression for 8yrs and it is a dark lonely road to travel. My best advise is get counceling for yourself. You sound as if you need to get that grief out. Your dh is just dealing with things his way it sounds like it. Kind of like my dh trys to pretend things haven't happen if you know what I mean. sad

Either way the best advise is take a deep breath have a shower and eat something. And often I just keep taking deep breaths when I find things overly hard.

Big hugs to you.

Oh hun I can't even begin to imagine how hard this must be for you now, and over the past six months.

It really sounds as though your hubby doesn't want to accept it, or deal with it. Perhaps he thought that by bringing friends back that would mean he didn't have to face it.... the head in the sand kind of theory.....

Have you yourself still been going to the counselling?? Perhaps they could give you some things that you could do with hubby to make everything easier for you both??

I just wish there was something I could say or do to make it stop hurting, which I know I can't, but wish I could.

GBH xxxx

Sending you GBH.
I wish there was something i could say to help you.
I find guys like to hind how they feel and will only talk about it if they feel like it.
Maybe write a letter and say how you feeling. You don't have to give it to anyone, just write everything you feel.

I have not experienced what you are going through and I can't offer any solutions... but it does sound like your hubby is not coping with the loss and is certainly try to cope with it in his own way... sad

Your pain will ease, but it will be a while yet, and no one can tell you how long it will take. Wish there was something that I could do to help you in some way..... big hugs xx

I don't know what to say, so i'm just going to send you a big hug.


oxoxoxoxoxox

Thank you all for the replies, I have had an ok day, am still ignoring my husband. I know it may be childish but i feel if i speak to him i am going to say something i may regret. or i will explode at him and i dont want to do that infront of the kids.

When we found out we were having a girl his first words were "argh not another girl' For F sake be happy with what you get because it isnt always that easy to have children, he should friggin know!!!

I feel so alone and empty, I havent been sleeping properly and am now back on antidepresants myself. But I am doing a better job with the kids, sure I get cranky with them but he is always so grumpy! I have had enough of it.

I will never get over this, but one day there will be a new kind of normal.

I have had many miscarriages and he is always the same, shows no kind of emotion, I know he must be feeling something (he wouldnt be human if he wasnt) but he sure as hell NEVER shows it. I am still yet to see him cry over the boys.
I cant do this anymore

GBH hope your day gets better

I dont really know what to say , I know nothing I say will make this better. Reading what you are going through breaks my heart . I just hope your husband can find a way to deal with everything so you can both be there for each other and come out the other side of this stronger . I dont know how you are doing this on your own , just know that you are in my thoughts . GBH xxx

Hang in there...or at least keep going.

Although I have not experienced the unimaginable pain of losing a child, I have lost both my father and closest aunt within 2 years of each other. My husband was working in Perth when dad died and we had decided that I would not tell him until he came home as there was no way he could get an earlier flight. I had to lie to him for 2 days. After that he just refused to acknowledge anything to do with the death and kept going out and partying with his buddies. I was 20 weeks pregnant with DS2 and DS1 was just over 1. When my aunt died I was 19 weeks pregnant (haven't had bub yet) and on the same day after I got home from driving my cousins and mum around and trying to keep everyone going, he went out with his buddy to the pub and asked for a lift there too!

In general, guys find it much harder to deal with death, particularly if they have experienced it very closely. My hubby lost his mum and dad within a 3 year period when he was in his 20's. He has 3 other brothers, and they are only now starting to deal with their loss (in his late 30's now).

I have felt the EXACT same way that you do but things are much better now. My only advice would be to look after yourself and do what you can for you. Unfortunately there is no way to force him to deal with anything and he is almost certainly in denial. It has probably effected him more than you realise but he is incapable of dealing with the emotions. Try to keep the communication lines open (obviously not right this second!).

Don't feel guitly about ignoring him at the moment, I did that too, its a way that you can manage to get through the day to day. At this point that is just what you need to do. Try to get counselling for yourself and talk to as many friends / people as you can to help you deal with a horrible situation. Its very, very normal to feel so angry with him its just unfortunate that at this time he can't see why his actions are so insensitive.

Hang in there, the pain never goes away but at some stage the good memories and thoughts overcome the pain and makes everything that little bit more barable.

Big Hugs!