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Am I really such a bad person???? Lock Rss

My DF and I have been together for 3 months. I had been friends with him for about 7 years but had lost contact for a while. We got back in contact about 8 months ago and he had a GF and 2 kids and she was pregnant with their 3rd. We started spending alot of time together and long story short, we both fell in love with eachother. I am not proud of any of it, and NOTHING happened between us at all while they were together. He left her and we have been together ever since.
I fell pregnant pretty quickly, very unexpected but happy surprise. So now he has 2 kids due within months of eachother.
He hasn't seen his kids in nearly this whole time as she will not allow access. He is currently trying to go through mediation to be able to see them again. I asked a question on another forum about the court process and have basically been shot down for the situation we are in. I know it's not ideal but it is how our life has turned out. I am in love with him, and I am sorry that she got hurt in it all, but he decided to leave, not me telling him to. I am being made out to be the bad person in all of this. I don't know what to think. I am really not a bad person, we just found ourselves in a less than ideal situation. Things have happened quicker than what we had planned but it can't be changed.
I don't know why I am even writing this really, I will probably be called all the names under the sun here too, I am just feeling ratehr stressed and emotional at the moment, and I feel I have no one to talk to about it all.
No opinions here, you're only human and haven't exactly killed anyone....BUT....

Can I suggest you put the shoe on the other foot and then maybe try answering your question for yourself?
The less than ideal situation surrounding your relationship aside, I assume you are asking about the court process surrounding access. I suggest giving Legal Aid a call and see what they say.

Perhaps some out there may be able to give advice specifically on the court processes involved???
I think he is a bad person. Why would you leave your kids and pregnant wife? Sounds like a charming piece of pooh.

Sorry But I can't stand men that do that. I have seen first hand the damage done by selfish males fathers and it is not pleasant.
Hmmm, if DH left me while i was pregnant with his third child id be devastated...but then to find out he loves someone else and she's pregnant...well id be hostile too sorry.
I dont think you're a bad person...that is one heck of a bad situation you're in though.

Jack ''08 & Bump ''10

Also he is engaged to you? Was he ever engaged to her?

No opinions here, you're only human and haven't exactly killed anyone....BUT....

Can I suggest you put the shoe on the other foot and then maybe try answering your question for yourself?


I agree with this , put your shoe on the other foot she is pregnant with his child and has 2 other kids to her , I personally dont blame her for not allowing access , she hurt and angry and this is her way of retaliation.

However in saying this , whats done is done and everyone must move on , no one can help falling in love with other people , I personally dont think I could move on so quickly but thats me , you have a baby on the way and you must think about this , its just a sticky situation to be in , good luck!
not ideal. but there is always so much more involved than it looks like on the outside.

i agree with PP that HE is the one that made the descision, you arnt a bad person and your not in the wrong.
He cant have been that happy in his relationship if he was happy to leave his kids and baby on the way! women seem to forget that men deserve to be happy to, yes they should put their family first but at the end of the day you have to be happy, you only get one life.

i think its cool that you two found eachother so many years later. (me and my parter did too but diff circumstances)

as for the legal stuff, he has rights as his kids father. so he should be able to try for 50:50 custody or at LEAST visiting. they are his kids too.

and seem as you knew his situation im sure you will be more than happy to accomidate him having a relationship with his kids in the future.

good luck to you both. lets hope you guys are the happily ever after in this situation smile
I'm sorry i can't help with the court process. But as a child of this situation twice over (mum leaving dad and Step mum leaving dad) I must say that she probably feels she is making him suffer for leaving her....which is fair enough, but the sooner she realises that kids need their dads the better things will be. My advice to you is, support your partner, but stay out of it. She is probably calling you every name under the sun and hurting very badly (not that it was your fault at all, but she'll blame anyone!)

It's a hard situation, and when he does get access to his kids, dont try and play mum to them, in fact for a while make sure he sees them alone, making his former partner feel that his priority is his children.

It's a bitch of a situation and it's unfortunate that things have played out the way they did, but in every situation like this kids come first.

Hope i dont sound to mean, but i'm looking at it from his kids point of view!
It really just sounds like you're looking for someone to say YOU are okay and what you've done is okay. All you've done is follow your heart and fall in love with this person. Sorry, it's not going to be me either. Fair enough, you've made it clear there was no affair prior to him leaving his ex, BUT would he have left his ex if you'd been unavailable? Knowing his situation (kids, partner + expecting another child) why would you continue a relationship/friendship once it became obvious you were having feelings for him. Sorry, I'm not sure what you're looking for, but I don't think you're completely blameless in this situation.

I think he is a bad person. Why would you leave your kids and pregnant wife? Sounds like a charming piece of pooh.

Sorry But I can't stand men that do that. I have seen first hand the damage done by selfish males fathers and it is not pleasant.



You are so right.. because I know if my partner didnt love me anymore I would want him to stay with me anyway, are you kidding? I wont deny it seems like a *** situation and probably not a good call to "jump straight in", but no one can help how they feel and when they start feeling it and from what OP has said, it doesnt sound like he has abandoned his children for a new life.
I am really sorry, but an old quote comes to mind here 'If he will do it with you, he will do it TO you'.

I wish you luck in this situation, but it seems far too complex with far too many emotions for it to work out the best for anyone involved.
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