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What would you do? Lock Rss

So my family aren't very fond of my DP right now, he is also my ex-DF and I don't blame them for feeling how they do. He treated me like rubbish, we both know that and we're trying to work it out.. We normally go to my mum's for Christmas lunch but my younger sister just told me that (in not quite so many words) he's not going to be invited anymore.. She did say maybe he could go to his parents while I go to my mum's so people aren't uncomfortable as it'd be the first time they'd have seen him since he left me and came back.
I kind of feel like I'm saying a big 'f**k you' to my family, they were so brilliant and supportive when he left but it feels like a slap in the face to them that I took him back.
So if I don't go to my mum's on Christmas Day because DP isn't invited I'll feel even worse but I don't want to have to spend half the day apart just because my family aren't happy with him right now.
They could just see each other between now and then lol. If they don't and then they don't for xmas they won't see each other till DD1's 3rd birthday in Jan.. Can't avoid it forever..
I feel stuck in the middle sad

I think you should talk to your family, while they are understandably upset & angry at your DP, they need to accept that you are trying to work things out & support you on your decision. I'm sure for one day that they could put their differences aside for the sake of you & your DD's.
I hope it works out smile

My situations not so different to yours, i left my DP about 18 months ago, moved back in with my parents and they were fantastic and supportive. Then 2 months later, DP and i decided to move back in together and try and work things out and my family basically said to me that if i go back they would never speak to me again. That lasted about 2 months after i moved back and then they started talking to me again, but they are really fake (still over a year later) to DP and it makes him uncomfortable and he despises going round there and has made it very clear that they arent welcome here. I feel like i am stuck in the middle but dont want to hurt my family as my kids are there grandkids. So i have no idea what we are going to do for christmas, but at the end of the day i want to be with my Dp, my parents have to accept it and move on from the fact that he hurt me or else i will never be able to see them.
I can see why they don't want him around who would want someone in their house that treats their daughter like crap!!! I say your parents love you very much to let you know they don't want you treated like that....

my parents wouldn't allow my husband to dinner either if he treated me like *** either.
I think PP is right. Your family obviously feel like he hurt you and they have lost respect for your DP. They probably don't want him there so they can enjoy their Christmas with you and the girls without any tension. Maybe you could make an allowance this year and go by yourself. It might give them time to come around to accepting your decision to get back with your DP.
your family maybe angry with your dp, have lost respect for him, hate the way he has treated you.

But obviously you see there being something worth saving in the relationship. I would hope you wouldn't take him back and be stuck in the same situation and your family need to respect you and your decission.

christmas may be the 1st "family" thing you have to do since the reunion but if its not christmas it'll be someones birthday, easter, etc etc. there has to be a first time.

maybe its time you all sat down together. Maybe your family need to hear him say he knows he has done x,y,z and that he's truely sorry for treating you this way but that together you are working it out.

i''''m baking a baby

If I was in this situation I would let my family know a day or two before that I was bringing my partner - they have to see him one day so why delay - it is just going to get harder
Personally I would not take him. If there is so much animosity towards him would he even want to go? Maybe the first time should be on neutral territory not surrounded by your family who have lost respect for him at this time.

Maybe through the year he can prove his worth as your partner and rebuild their trust, faith and respect for him smile

I can see why they don't want him around who would want someone in their house that treats their daughter like crap!!! I say your parents love you very much to let you know they don't want you treated like that....

i agree with this. just from the little you have posted about your dp, he didnt treat you very well and your family would have felt that nearly as much as you did. no one likes to see their children/sister treated poorly. just because you have decided to give your dp a second chance, doesnt make your parents automatically forgive and forget. i think you need to respect their wishes for now. it is up to your dp to prove to them that he is deserving of your love.
I think you need to give it some more time and not push your family. It's hard to sit by and see someone that you love get hurt, and just because you've decided to forgive doesn't mean your family have to. Xmas is a very big family event - don't force it.

YOu know what I would go to your family without DP. Your DP needs to learn the real truth of his actions. He also needs to realise that if he doesn't prove his worth and stay faithful and be your DP than he is going to be lonely for a long time to come. Honestly I agree with your sister. Also I would tell your DP that if he wants to be included in family things with your family he is going to have to do a lot of but kissing with them.

Sorry but what he has done can't just be forgotten.
I think your family has every right not to want him there at Christmas.

You are their daughter/sister they love you very much and to see you get hurt in such a way by your exDF would of hurt them too, when he chose to treat you badly and betray you he chose to do that to your family aswell. You have forgiven him because obviously you love him, they aren't as close to him as you are which is why it will take them more time to trust him again. And yes you getting back with him would of been a HUGE slap in the face to them but if it's ment to be and your DP proves over time that he is sorry for what he has done and lives up to their/your expectations on how you should be treated then they will have no issues welcoming him back.

I agree with the whole why put it off etc. so perhaps it would be an idea to invite them over for dinner at your place (before Xmas) with DP there so that you guys can have a big chat and just get everything out there IYKWIM? Maybe it'll help them understand better about why you took him back, aswell as helping you understand why they can't just forgive and forget at the drop of a hat!
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