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  5. just wanted to get something off my chest

just wanted to get something off my chest Lock Rss

DS is 9 days old now, still and will be most likely in ICU until his due date. He was chucking up 3 times yesterday, kind of got upset over it, but now i am fine. What annoyed me mostly, was I visited him yesterday afternoon, and his nurse that was looking after him, during the morning i had visited, and still was there in the afternoon, she told me to not touch him, I only had my hand on his back and his hand, as I found it is important to keep touching your baby while your there. Bassically she came up to me and whispered that I should not touch him, and let him rest beause he was chucking up during the morning. Honestly, all babies do get sick, and honestly I was farrrr worse off then my DS is when I was born, I mean my DS isn't near death, where I was, and my parents were encouraged to still touch me. She got me all upset, and my cousin and sister noticed my vibes were pretty much anger and upset, so I just said good bye to my DS and placed my gown in the gown bin, at the time, my nose was red, and I was starting to cry, so I left the room pretty much almost in tear's.

What's your opinion? Should she had spoken to me that way? I told the night nurse and she said she would write it down in my notes....only problem is, That nurse from yesterday, is also looking after DS again today! sad
I found that there are awesome midwives out there and there are some that just don't cut it. You never know what you are going to get.

As I see it, you have two options:
1. accept that maybe she knows what she is talking about and quietly hate her while taking her advise.
Or
2. Ask another midwives opinion and ignore the cow.

Good luck and just remember soon you will be home with your baby and will not have to deal with this woman again.

ugh v.v I can't wait to have him home, then I dont' have to do so much traveling!
That would've got me upset too!
I wouldn't stop touching him because of her - and not because he had been sick!
If he was at risk of developing an infection or you were sick yourself, then sure you might not want to have too much contact with him, but if he's getting along nicely, then probably the best thing for him is to have contact with you!

Isn't it quite well documented that a parent's touch is hugely beneficial to sick and early babies?

If it happens again, I would say to her "thankyou for your concern, but I need to be in contact with him and I believe he needs my touch too.. " or something along those lines.

What she said from what you've written wasn't terrible by any stretch - maybe the way she said it was bad? And considering what you and your DS have been thru, probably not a necessary thing to say? Maybe she thought it was in your DS's best interests that you don't touch him...

Anyway - don't let it get to you, don't let it or her get your back up - just do what you usually do with your DS and if she voices any more concerns, just say ok sure, and then carry on with what you were doing!

That's my thoughts on it anyhoo smile


i also believe a mothers touch is hugely beneficial too. James grew in your tummy for 6 months, and everything about you he will know... your warmth, heartbeat sound...everything.

i oo would ask another midwife maybe even a couple of midwives and tell them what you feel is best for James...
I'm no expert, and not a nurse, but I also thought it was recommended to have as much physical contact with a premature baby as possible. I think it gives the baby strength and helps them to improve. I would ask another nurse or doctor if you are allowed to touch him, they might say that it is fine to do so.
Congrats on the birth of Bubs!

I had a special care baby too.

Speak to the unit manager and make sure ANY nurse who you don't feel comfortable with is NEVER assigned to you again. Get tough. You need to feel in control and not put up with these people. I was still in the hospital and told the nurse doing rounds when she asked me if all was OK and I said no and why. When I went in for the next feed the unit manager came up to me and spoke to me and sorted it out. BRILLIANT. I was never assigned that nurse again.

Get DP to do it if you don't feel up to it, in some ways that's better because he can lay on how upset by this woman you are in a way you can't.

About the touching thing - Touch away. There are worldwide studies about the healing power of touch on premmie babies. Premature babies need to be touched just like other babies. Touch comforts, increases weight and ultimately decreases medical assistance required. A lot of special care units follow this as protocol. In fact there are massage techniques just for your situation.

Speak alot too. Remember that this is your bonding time and you can't do it the same as a full term healthy bubs Mum. I actually didn't realise how different bonding could be until I had my DS2 at full term and he wasn't even weighed for hours after his birth because I was holding him. Missed out on that with DS1. Our unit encouraged holding the baby as much as we liked around feed times once they were able to be.
GBH its very hard having a bub in the NICU we were up there for about 5-6weeks and it was not fun.. My interpretation of what you have written is that bub has had a bad night with throwing up and she was probably more worried about touch disturbing that sleep, I dont think she's trying to discourage you from holding your baby in general just that because bub will be worn out because of vomiting restful sleep is extremely important and at some level touch (no matter what how old or young you are) does to some extent disrupt that.

Dont however let this nurse put you off being their for your son. Talk to the other nurses up at the NICU and get their opinions on the matter as well I would also be making in known that you were very unimpressed with her comment.

Good luck hope bub can come home sooner rather then later smile

hey girls

I have not read all the posts but I will get around to it. The nurse was with him this morning and I had my lethal wepon (LOL my mother) with me. Someone did mention a DP....but let's say, he dosen't even know DS is born due to 1) I don't want him to know his father due to the way it had happened 2) I rather do this on my own with my mother sometimes along side me but I do have times where I just love to be alone with DS. My mother got in before the nurse had a go at me, she was being kind today (lols) since my mother said I was worse off then my DS back 20 years ago.

DS is always awake when I am there, when he had is C-pap of this morning, both his eyes were open and looking at me, or around the room, he squeezed my finger this morning heaps.

I do, do kangaroo care, once in 2 days (So say monday, then the next day i can hold him would be a wednesday) He wasn't spewie today which was great, I just think it might be the formular as he never had enough breast milk from me, he is on 6ML's per 3 hours, and I sometimes can make more or less or just enough of milk for him. Every time i do it, i think of him, it's sometimes hard to do his breast milk as I get tired easy these days tongue I now know what it feels like to be a mum eventhough DS isn't home yet...

just thinking almost 10 weeks until he will properly in my arms smile


~~ This might be to much info, just asking though~~
Must I add, can I ask those out there, who either had a prem, or had their's full term, it's been 9 days since I was out of hospital and today while I was on the loo, I saw something red and it wasn't squishable but it was hard when I wiped down below I saw it on the toilet paper, is this normal and what is it....
i had a nicu baby too.... i just wonder if you were just super sensitive that day with the nurse... they wouldn't say not to touch him if they really didn't think so...

they are your babies carer they speak for the baby, they are following drs orders and their own training which is speciallised in prem babies.. they are not out to get the parent infact if she did say not to touch at the moment there would be a good reason to..... sometimes when they are little especially if he has been spewy they need rest and sleep which helps them grown..... its all extremely high emotions in the nicu especially when you are stressing about making breast milk (are you using electric pump?) the slightess thing can upset you...

i would repect them because they wouldn't want to upset you on purpose by saying not to touch him, because they have nothing but your babies best interests at heart.

we were not allowed to get our baby out of her incubator for longer than 5 mins when she was first born as she was on c pac..... but at times were incorraged to touch when she was awake....

when we were in hospital with her there was this mother with her very prem baby having a shouting match wanting to get her baby out to hold her it was about 27-28 wks and wanted all the bells and whistles taken off her as she thought she didn't need them any more/.///..... hormones and postnatel depression had kicked in.... the nurses had to stand up for the baby....... the mother had to leave and get herself sorted with the doctors before she was allowed back in the unit.... another baby was a big baby the mother also just wanted to take him home..... but he had swallowed some stuff in womb and wasn't allowed to go home yet but the mother was saying... i want him out of here i want to take him home now.....

hey girls

I have not read all the posts but I will get around to it. The nurse was with him this morning and I had my lethal wepon (LOL my mother) with me. Someone did mention a DP....but let's say, he dosen't even know DS is born due to 1) I don't want him to know his father due to the way it had happened 2) I rather do this on my own with my mother sometimes along side me but I do have times where I just love to be alone with DS. My mother got in before the nurse had a go at me, she was being kind today (lols) since my mother said I was worse off then my DS back 20 years ago.



We got my Mum and MIL in after we had our run in too!! My Mum did the same thing, got in before anyone else did or said a word. Love a buffer! Good for you!

You are allowed to be homonal and in fact you sooo should be. Don't apologise for that!

I hope all keeps going well.
My thoughts are with you. It is so difficult having a baby in the NICU. Our DD was born full term but was extremely sick when she was born. She nearly didn't make it. All of the nurses encouraged my DH and I to touch her and be involved in her care as much as possible. One nurse did ask my bestfriend not to stroke her when she was sleeping. She was a bit rude about it, so I questioned the nurse and explained that my friend was simply wanting to touch my DD. The nurse emplained that my DD needed her rest and stoking them can cause them to wake. She explained that she would prefer if we just put our hand on her and patted her slightly.
I found that the majority of NICU nurses were amazing and very understanding if you have questions, fears or concerns. I would attempt to talk to her about it. If you are not happy with the outcome talk to the Nursing Unit Manager or the Social Worker. The NICU staff are there to nurse your baby but they should also provide you with support and information. Good luck with it and big hugs to your bub
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