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I don't think I will ever have that special bond Rss

I don't think I will ever have that special bond others seem to have with their children.

I can't seem to enjoy them, I find my two frustrating and I am reluctant to take them anywhere because I never get to enjoy myself. I am unsure as to why I thought a third was a good idea actually. I feel like I am chasing them around all the time and I don't get a chance to just enjoy what we are doing. (Like Mainly Music, DS just runs around like a crazy thing and DD misses out on me being able to do the little dances with her because I am trying to keep him in line and I end up frustrated and don't enjoy it at all)

I stress about everything and I worry all the time, I can't seem to find the funny side of things anymore and I can't honestly remember the last time I laughed and it seemed natural. A friend had a photo on FB of her little boy covered in washing powder and was saying how funny it was, if I was me I would have been about to explode because of the mess and the wastage.

It makes me sad that when we go to the park I see happy people having fun with their children and all I am doing is trying to keep DS from escaping and making sure DD isn't getting into people's faces (she is a bit full on at times). I don't know why I bother taking them sometimes.

Before having the children, I used to be really laid back and people would have described me as bubbly and funny but I feel like I have changed and I don't know how to get back to being that way.

I really want to have fun with the children and enjoy myself and relax but I just don't know how to change my mindset.

Thanks for reading, no need for a reply I just needed to get that out because it has been bothering me for a long time.

I don't think I will ever have that special bond others seem to have with their children.

I can't seem to enjoy them, I find my two frustrating and I am reluctant to take them anywhere because I never get to enjoy myself. I am unsure as to why I thought a third was a good idea actually. I feel like I am chasing them around all the time and I don't get a chance to just enjoy what we are doing. (Like Mainly Music, DS just runs around like a crazy thing and DD misses out on me being able to do the little dances with her because I am trying to keep him in line and I end up frustrated and don't enjoy it at all)

I stress about everything and I worry all the time, I can't seem to find the funny side of things anymore and I can't honestly remember the last time I laughed and it seemed natural. A friend had a photo on FB of her little boy covered in washing powder and was saying how funny it was, if I was me I would have been about to explode because of the mess and the wastage.

It makes me sad that when we go to the park I see happy people having fun with their children and all I am doing is trying to keep DS from escaping and making sure DD isn't getting into people's faces (she is a bit full on at times). I don't know why I bother taking them sometimes.

Before having the children, I used to be really laid back and people would have described me as bubbly and funny but I feel like I have changed and I don't know how to get back to being that way.

I really want to have fun with the children and enjoy myself and relax but I just don't know how to change my mindset.

Thanks for reading, no need for a reply I just needed to get that out because it has been bothering me for a long time.

Oh i so know how you are feeling!

I don't take my boys any where that's not a friend with 3 kids or my mum and dad's house.

If we do go to the park or Mcdonalds i always always have to have my mum with me i can't do it by myself they are running away not listening and it is just tooo much stress for me to want to go any where any more.

I don't know how other people do it!

I am the same too i don't have that point where your either going to laugh or yell i just yell.

I'm not much of a help but just wanted to let you know that you aren't the only one. One frustrated and worn out mother to another.
You know I have 5 kids and one of the things I learned was dont sweat the little stuff. Get over the wastage. As with kids you are going to waste get dirty have mess and inevitably you are going have to clean it up.lol Learn to switch off.

One of the best things to do is stop stressing. If things dont get done than heck whats going to happen. Also when you go out. You kids will pick up on stress and act all crazy

With going out go to McDonalds with rules before you leave the car. Than when they are finished eating set another rule for the playground and a time and go from there. I am able to take all 5 of my kids shopping with me now on my own because I am firm on my rules. They act better in public than in private most of the time. lol

As for running off I put a quick stop to that with removing privileges and giving the child that didn't run off a treat that soon teaches them.

I think at one time or another we dont enjoy parenting and it can be very stressful. I am basically a single mum and I rarely have help. Bout 3 weeks ago I went into a bit a depression and all I did was scream at the kids unsure get angry or cry it was horrible. I am now back on track and things are going to be great this year.

I am more sick of people saying are they all yours when I go out.lol Library is a great place to go and free. Shopping without buying anything. There are lessons everywhere for them to learn. The pool is awesome to go to as it is something you can actively do with them.

Big HUGs sorry you are struggling. I have felt like you and it is hard to pull yourself out.
look my daughter is full on....

If i worried about every little thing that she did i would end up in the funny farm. and i would never take her anywhere..

if you are taking him to music and movement.... i don't see why he can't run around... he's a little child thats what they do and its what it is designed for.

I think sometimes you just have to let go some of the control and set your house up the best you can so they don't get into stuff and believe me they still will.

you may have a bit of antinatel depression or carried over post natal...

get them into a playgroup or pre school so you have some down time.

I know my kids arn't perfect but actually I don't care.... sometimes I just make it through the day.... but if you are spending all day trying to get them to behave then something is not right... maybe they are playing up because they are getting attention and sometimes any attention is better than no attention....

some times I have to remind my hubby.... they are kids thats what they do they run around and climb on things.... thats why we don't go to places that require them to be sitting on best behaviour..... and music and movement is one of those places that they can run around... sit back and look at what the other children are doing as well and you will prob see your little guy is just the same as others his age....
Why do you think there are people out there like me who will only have 1 child? Personally my horses and dogs are much easier and much more enjoyable because they can look after themselves and i don't have to do everything for them! I watch some people who have 2+ children (not all but some) and they honestly look like they want to kill their kids - I know the trapped feeling i have will just be worse if i had another so i won't. I know my own limitations and know i will be happy watching my one child grow up without having to miss out on things because i have to tend to another child.
First things first.....((((HUGS)))) and here have a cuppa too......I feel exactly the same some days!

It's so disheartening at times when all I want to do is enjoy the little ones and I feel like I'm constantly chasing 1 or usually both of them the entire time!! Doesn't help when everyone can see I'm busting my arse trying to keep up with them but not a single one of them will offer any help.....even a simple "let me do it mum" from the teenagers or an offer of help from DF would be awesome but nope they usually leave it all to me and then wonder why mum is about to explode at the slightest thing.

It sounds like you need some chill out time or even a few hours without all of them just to do whatever you want to do....or not do as the case may be LOL. I ended up putting the boys into Daycare 2 days a week and the improvement has been amazing. The kids are happier as they get to burn off all that extra energy (both together in the play area & seperately in their rooms) and I get some time to either just vege out and recharge or do the errands etc that are so much harder with 2 very active toddlers.

Is there a way of having some one on one time with each of the kids doing something they enjoy with you? I've found that some days just having some time on my own with either of the boys can really improve their behaviour....sometimes I think they just feel like they are competing for my attention when they turn into the feral little turd monsters they can be when really playing up!!

It sounds like you're a bit like me too in the fact that you take on trying to do it all yourself and honestly hun you will burn yourself out doing that!! I pushed myself too damn hard in the few months before xmas and I'm still trying to get my *** back together....I came down with another really nasty chest infection that landed me in bed for 3 days so I had to let go of the reins and hand over to my teenage girls to do the day shift when DF was at work, when he got home he'd take over for the night shift. It drove me insane cos I could hear the boys mucking up etc but I was too sick to get up most of those 3 days....in the end I realised that if I didn't start taking care of ME I'd be no good to anyone, including myself sad

That bond will come hun, but it's harder when you don't make time for yourself...even if it's only 15mins to sit down and actually enjoy a cuppa while it's actually hot!! I've got 4 kids myself, time to yourself can be hard to find but it sure makes a difference!

Probably haven't helped you much but I know how you feel ......(((hugs)))

HeartKids show courage, strength & tenacity

Hi,
I agree with subzero, if the little fella wants to run around at Music, then just let him (although I know that this is only an example). I also know what you mean about the mess, it stresses me too, I'm fairly 'houseproud' and like everything in its place.

Do you think things are harder at the moment because your DH is away? The only other thing I'd suggest is that other people that you see out and about don't have it all, and you don't know what's going on behind closed doors smile

Fiona.
I always remember that episode on FRIENDS when Phoebe brother had the triplets and they asked Phoebe to keep one... she said fine which one do you want me to keep

and they said well you can't take that one because......

or that one........

or the last one because...........

its funny but realistic..... which one would you give away none on a good day and all on a bad day.l
Thanks Spongle Gloss and BenjaminandKalebs Mummy, it is nice to know that I am not alone in feeling this way. I know I need a break and my Dad and MIL help when they can but I am still so tired (this pregnancy is draining me).

To the others, if I could let them just run around I would but it is not safe to do so (Music is at an old church and the room isn't closed off. DS has an awful habit of trying to run onto the road and I can't guarantee other parents close doors behind them). DD goes to Kinder but is on holidays. I don't want to put DS into daycare, I don't feel he needs to be there when I am a SAHM and it my job to look after the kids.

It would be easier if DH was here but he isn't and I am doing the best I can with what I have.

I think when Kinder goes back and I go back to placement and have a day away from the kids (even if it is working) I will feel a little better. I just needed a vent.

DD goes to Kinder but is on holidays. I don't want to put DS into daycare, I don't feel he needs to be there when I am a SAHM and it my job to look after the kids.


yes it is our job to look after the kids but not at the expense of the kids. Mums need time out too. It actually makes us better mummies and when the kids have some time away in a safe enviroment such as pre school a couple of mornings a week when you see them again you feel recharged. back in the good old days when everyone was a stay at home mum this happened naturally as most of the women in the street were stay at home mums and you could child swap for a few hours when you needed to go to the shops or haircut or doctor. they had cups of coffee with each other

I have been on maternety leave for 5 months now and i don't know anyone who is a stay at home mum around me. but as I am a pre school teacher my daughter goes to the pre school 4 mornings a week and she loves it because she can do whatever she likes, paint, draw, dig in sandpit, with friends as its all set up as a safe place for children.
Firstly big hugs to you!!!

I want to start off by saying, you have two kids, you are pregnant and your husband is away. I would probably be losing the plot by now if i was in your position.

If you are able to one night soon, get your kids looked after and go and catch a movie and dinner with a friend. It sounds like you need to go out and have some girl time.

Maybe you should look at the types of things you want to do with the kids and choose venues that are suitable to the types of children you have. My DS was a runner and a health nurse gave me a piece of advice that made my life so much eaiser.....if you can, avoid it until he is older!!! Well i avoided all the tricky situations, as best i could and it made me so much calmer. I also then went on little walks/trips and taught my son not to run off. Every time he went to run of i would put his hand through the loop on the pram and he would have to walk next to me the rest of the way. He soon caught on that i was serious and has never run off since.

Maybe set up some activities at home where the kids can have a ball with out any stressing. Set up different water stations in the back yard. Different sized buckets of water, with different toys in them. THey can get as wet and muddy as they like and just clean them up afterwards. Get them doing some painting outside using their hands and feet.

When you do go out, you can then set strict rules and follow through on them EVERY TIME. They will learn that there are times to run a muck and have fun and times to have fun but follow the rules that you set for them.

Lastly, don't be hard on yourself. Your in a tough position right now and doing a fantastic job. Just have to take a few deep breaths and let a go a bit. Good luck smile
i know how u feel... before having kids i used to work in childcare i had all the patience in the world for those kids, hardly ever got cranky and was always running around paying games or doing things with them. now i have 2 of my own kids and i feel like all i ever do is yell at them!
DS is a runner and we had to stop going to playgroup because he kept opening the gate and running off. have u tried using a harness/backpack buddie? DS has a harness and honstly it is a life saver.
it can be so over whelming taking 2 kids out to the shops, especially if u actually need to look at things, not just the mindless chuck the groceries in the trolley. i cant stand being in the house all day everyday and usually take the kids out even if its just for a drive for 20mins or a walk. if we go to a park i either have to take my mum with me or we go to a park that has a fence around it so they cant escape. usually ends up being a playcentre which costs a bit but we usually go with friends so the kids entertain themselves.
i know it was only an example with the music thing but would it be easier to set ds up in a stroller/pram with some books or food while u have time with dd? then have another activity thats just for ds and set dd up with something to do? my kids have a leap pad scribble and draw that they both love or a magna doodle, you could even treat him to his own music on your phone ipod etc.
i sometimes feel like i dont have a special bond with dd cos she is so full on, defiant and naughty all the time, and ds is so calm and placid. it makes me feel horrible that i enjoy spending time with ds but not dd sad i know its just a phase (i hope) and soon she will learn to listen and cut out her crap. but sometimes i just want to send her away for a week so i can have a break from her.

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