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Need advice please Lock Rss

Myself and my partner met in feb last year...we got together officially on the 2nd of june 2010, and found out i was pregnant on the 13th of july, we were quite happy about it and the idea of abortion or splitting never arose, thank god!. But some things have changed in the last few months, he doesnt really tell me im beautiful anymore, sex is nearly non existant (and even with 6wks to go im not put off at all), and he has an old dating site that expires in april, but ive seen a message he sent someone saying "wow, i must say you are beautiful", and it really hurt me, coz he doesnt say it to me anymore. quite often i feel real insecure about how i look because of it, and fear its going to bring me down. but im worried if i bring the dating site thing up again hes gnna go mental. am i being an idiot? i just dont know what to do!! help please.
I'm not trying to take sides here, because I understand why you might feel confused and frustrated.

However, I remember when I was preg, DH backed off quite a bit later in the pregnancy. I think he was quite scared of what the future was going to bring, and also didn't want to push the sex issue (I was like you, was still happy to do it, but I don't think he knew that).

So maybe he's a bit confused himself. Maybe you should have a talk with him and tell him how you feel.

Remember, you haven't been together for that long. You are probably coming to the end of the "honeymoon" period at a really bad time.

As for the dating sites, what is he thinking!? If he's with you, he should only be with you, and he should cancel the site ASAP.

You really should talk this one out before bub arrives, so you both know where you stand and can both focus on bub. All the best!

P.S. Pregnant women are beautiful, so don't think for a minute you aren't!
yeah i can understand the backing off a little bit, he might be worried hes gnna hurt me or something, i dunno.
as for dating site, he has cancelled it, but coz the money had already come out of his account (he used to pay for it) he stil has membership until sometime in april when it is supposed to be fully shut down. but why go on there in the mean time? i dont understand it. he always says he loves me n that, but it makes me doubt just how much when he feels the need to message someone else. normally i wouldnt put up with anything like that, i too agree that if he wants me, he should be having only me, but now im pregnant it feels like the rules have changed, or at least become more complicated.
have you registered for birthing classes? It might be good for you both to meet people who are first time parents and have the same fears and questions. I think it's normal to be scared but I think a man should also realise his responsibilities and be a man about it. It's important to sort it out before the baby comes, you will need his support.

Hi there,

My husband and I also met and became pregnant straight away.. We met in Nov 2007 and found out we were pregnant in Feb 2008.... So we really only got 3 months of us time before it all started happening...

We had a our beautiful baby boy in Nov 2008 for for DH he said it only felt real for him once he was born.. I guess what I am trying to say as thing change for you as soon as you find out you are pregnant but for men its hard to imagine unless there is something in front of them (if you know what I mean)

We got engaged on Christmas day 08, married in Nov 09 and am due with bub #2 in about 7 weeks... Yes it has all happended very quickly but I wouldnt change it for the world, the only thing I wish is that we had more time together as a couple...

Good luck with everything! Any someone mentioend birthing classes (we did them with our first and would highly recommened it!!
Thanks, that made sense to me, still cant excuse a possible wandering eye though....and yeah i had my first ante-natal class on thursday, but my partner had to work....he doesnt have work around the next one but may have band practise, hes working on the next class...so at this rate i think im going to be flying solo in that regard as work and band commitments are also important. people may see band practise as not that high a priority, but its important to him and they have a gig coming up very soon so i cant ask him to not go. am just hoping practise wont be on that night, coz i would like him to come to a few, he has been to a few of my midwife visits and is going to be present when bubz is born, hes also going to be taking 2 weeks off work to help out. so there are lots of plusses, i just dont know how to feel about the whole dating site thing i guess
I would ask him about the sex issues. Dont be too confrontational (?sp) though. It might be as simple as he doesnt want to hurt the baby or you but the only way to stop this from going round and round in your head is to ask.

As for the dating site, i dont know how you could approach the subject with him without him knowing you were spying on him, which might cause a bigger issue.
i can totally understand the backing off thing. around 10 weeks before both my bubs were born i was pretty much a no go zone area. they dont want to accidently 'start' anything or 'pop' anything. so it is perfectly normal for the relationship to change. i think you might find that it will stay that way for some time after bubs has been born too.

as for the dating website? come on, that is not OK. if you are in a stable relationship there should be no need for him to go on it AND send people messages on it. this is a completely separate issue from distancing himslef from you whilst you are pregnant.

i would say something. i would be surprised if he hit the roof cos that is what you should be doing.

this shyte makes me so mad. in what universe is it ok to be in a relationship with one woman but continue to frequent a dating site and contact other women?

Thanks, that made sense to me, still cant excuse a possible wandering eye though....and yeah i had my first ante-natal class on thursday, but my partner had to work....he doesnt have work around the next one but may have band practise, hes working on the next class...so at this rate i think im going to be flying solo in that regard as work and band commitments are also important. people may see band practise as not that high a priority, but its important to him and they have a gig coming up very soon so i cant ask him to not go. am just hoping practise wont be on that night, coz i would like him to come to a few, he has been to a few of my midwife visits and is going to be present when bubz is born, hes also going to be taking 2 weeks off work to help out. so there are lots of plusses, i just dont know how to feel about the whole dating site thing i guess


Hi there, congratulations on your upcoming baby!

Just wanted to put my 2 cents worth in, my baby's father (my now ex) also did the whole dating site thing whilst i was pregnant, in my opinion its inexcusable, as it CAN go further, whether you are pregnant or not.

Also, as for band practice, I know you say it is important, but seriously, more important than supporting his pregnant partner? I don't think so! My ex also only came to one antenatal appointment, and trust me, it will probably hurt a bit more after bub's born as you will look back at your journey and a lot of the important stuff will be done alone. it sucks having to do it on your own, and you shouldnt HAVE to go to the appointments alone if you partner is available.

I don't want to seem harsh, but the band excuse is a bit ***. If his band is good enough to secure gigs, then obviously he could afford to miss a practice and have it not affect the outcome of the gig.

I would bring up the dating site problem if i was you. like i said a bit further up, no excuse for that. It sure was another nail in the coffin for my relationship with my ex. He doesn't need to be contacting other women while his partner is pregnant with his child and about to give him the most wonderful gift of his life.

I know that his band practice may be important but I think you're making excuses for him. My husband moved hell or high water to be there at OUR antenatal classes. The classes are there for the dads as well, they need to learn a lot and also be there for support. I am sorry you are in this position but it makes me mad at what some men do, if it were me I would not be putting up with it, he needs to man up and accept his new life and the responsibilites that come with it.
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