Reward Charts

Hi Ladies,

DH and I are having issues with DD1 (nearly 4) with her behaviour and have decided to make up a reward chart but I have a few questions for people who have used them in the past.

1) The items I have written on the rewards chart is eat breakfast and feed yourself, eat lunch etc, eat dinner, pack away toys, listen to mummy and daddy and stay in bed at night.
After reading something on here a while back I have also made up a treat box so at the end of the day she can have a small treat to reward her good behaviour. However do you think I am unreasonable to only give her the treat box if she gets all her stars for the day? My SIL said that she thinks if she gets all but 1 she should still have it as we are have only started doing it today.

2) Have you found reward charts to be successful? Im really at my wits end with her so something has to change.

TIA

Bek x

i tried a sticker chart and it worked for a few days and then i got lazy mellow

i had three or four focus areas so one was packing up toys, one was staying in bed, one was listening etc.
And for each different one there was an opportunity for her to earn 5 stickers. If she reached 5 stickers she got a reward. So at the end of line i drew a picture of the reward.
if she got 5 stickers for listening, we would go to the park.
If she got 5 stickers for packing up toys, we would hire a DVD. things like that. And by drawing the picture she could see what the reward was so it worked well.

On the first day i made sure i "noticed" EVERY good deed she did and gave her plenty of opportunities to earn stickers. I think by midday she had earnt 5 stickers for listening and we went to the park that afternoon. Made it "click" that it was achievable for her. Also letting her put the stickers on herself was sort of like a reward in itself as she picked the sticker.

Things like staying in bed obviously it would take her 5 nights of sleeping in her bed to earn herself a reward for that so i made the reward a big one. If she stayed in bed for 5 nights she got a trip to the local Wildlife Park.

So my chart was a mix of short term and long term goals and all of them were things she could easily achieve. she only had to make a mess and pack it up 5 times and she clued on pretty quick and went around the house finding mess to tidy up LOL

My chart sounds really complicated now that i've typed it out but it really wasnt. she grasped it easily and she is only 3.5.

However i slacked off after a few days, and it didnt stay effective for as long as i had hoped/thought.
But that was probably my lack of encouragement and laziness lol

best of luck!

oh and no i dont think you are unreasonable in not rewarding her if she doesnt get all the required stickers etc.
As long as your expectations are age appropriate.

I don't think its unreasonable to not give her the reward. You start out how you want to finish. If you suddenly change the rules on her after using the chart and letting her have a reward with a sticker missing to having to get all stickers, that might make her lose interest in the chart.

I used a chart with DS2 toilet training! Worked a treat!!! smile I had jelly beans after 5 stickers. He loved putting the stickers on himself too!

No way - stick to your guns if you've told her that she needs to get them all to get it then do that - I don't think you've asked too high a standard of her for her age - she's just going to test you to see if you are serious so go with it!!!

If she was 2 and you'd asked all those things then I might say change it but, she is old enough to be expected to do those things so its fair enough.

Good luck - I find I get lazy with them too but I've just changed the goal with ours and linked it to pocket money and they are reminding me all the time when they do the right thing so its good for us. We are going overseas at the end of the year so its a way for them to save THEIR money and learn value etc... (BTW - Haha - I'm hard when it comes to stuff - they get 10c when they take their plate to the sink, rinse it and put it in the dishwasher etc...) Going to be quite cheap little house maids too!!!

2) Have you found reward charts to be successful? Im really at my wits end with her so something has to change.

I'm sure they're successful for the short-term. The problem I have with rewards is that at some point it has to stop and by that point you've taught the child that they can exchange good behavior for rewards. Shouldn't good behavior and participation in family chores be the norm, not the extra effort that's then rewarded? Rewarding for normal behavior is likely to lead to other issues later imo.
In the long-term I would prefer to do the work to teach my kids that it feels good to do the right thing, eating is necessary or you get hungry and that helping out with family chores is expected.

For packing up, we use the microwave/oven timer. So the kids know when I say "pack up time" they have 5 minutes to pack up, anything on the floor after the timer goes off goes into "the bin" (one of those toy wheelie bins) and they lose it until the following Sunday.

I like this suggestion smile I've threatoned to put them in the real bin but could never follow through with it. So I like the toy wheelie idea - that I COULD follow through with.

To the OP -

I have 3 sticker charts going at the moment.

First chart - DS (aged 4 1/2) was playing up through the night - wanting kisses and cuddles every hour, or to pick up his taggy, or whatever - up down all night. He is super stubborn and did not respond to ignoring him. BUT the sticker chart has worked in this instance and he is sleeping through BEAUTIFULLY. Occasionally he gets me up so he can go to the toilet during the night - but not often now. When I started, I made it so he got a star for each night he slept through and when he got 5 stars, he got a matchbox car. I'm weaning him off the chart. Now he has to get 10
stars. By the end of this chart, I won't do another one for the sleeping. He's broken the bad habbit of annoying night waking. (note, I did not penalise for a toilet get up).

Second chart - He gets a star if in the morning he eats his breakfast WIHTOUT wanting me to feed him (note: he is 4 1/2), he wipes his area of the table with a cloth, and scoops up any crumbs or food that he's dropped with a dustpan and brush (he likes to do this). He also has to get dressed himself (i will assist him if he gets stuck) but trying to break the habbit of me dressing him each morning when he can do it himself. If he does all this without whinging - he gets a star. Seven stars in a row and he gets a matchbox car. Same deal in the evening. When it becomes of a routine for him, I'll end up weaning him off the chart.

Third chart - When we notice exceptionally good behaviour, we praise him and give him a star. He can't 'ask' for a star for good behaviour we will from time to time hand one out. When he gets 15 stars, he'll get a small lego toy. These stars are hard to come by.

Anyway, that's what's working for us at the moment.