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Needing help desperately Lock Rss

I know there will be a few people, that after reading this will just say 'Leave, Leave'. (And I think I've just come to realise that is what I might need to do)
But I'm not writing to find that out. I'm wanting some suggestions.

Basically, I'm thinking of leaving my partner of over 11 years. Now I'm crying lol because it's just hit me that I think I need to do this or something. I don't know, feeling a bit confused now. I've thought about it several times before, but now I'm actually really thinking about it.

The thing is I don't know how.

I'm 27, he's 26 and we have 4 kids. But I pretty much do everything. Most times I feel like I'm a single mum. He's sleeps all day because he stays up or is out all night. I ask for help and hardly ever get it.

Anyway, just wanting to know from people who are or have been in similar situations, how you got through it or how you actually did it.

Oh, and just adding that there is no violence involved.

I'm 27, he's 26 and we have 4 kids. But I pretty much do everything. Most times I feel like I'm a single mum. He's sleeps all day because he stays up or is out all night. I ask for help and hardly ever get it.

So he doesnt work? Is he TRYING to work?? is he studying to be able to work???

Im sorry but from what you have wrote he sounds like a dead ***!! I really dislike people who dont get out there and work! or look after there family!!

Im guessing you have no family or friends to lean back on if you leave?? Why dont you go and see centre link?

Ask them what you are entitled to and when it can start? Then go to a government housing or crisis care housing and get on the list!!!

There is lots you can do. you know you can do it, but its hard work! You are worried about you and your children AND THATS NORMAL!!!! But go just go out and ask people and places. there are people ot there to help you get your feet on the ground smile
Unless violence was involved, I would never actually advise someone to leave a relationship as I believe that is a decision they need to truly make for themselves. If you are not sure, do a pros and cons list so you can get it all down rationally.

If you do decide to leave, try to plan as much as possible beforehand. Such as do you both own your house, who would keep it? Or would you and the kids leave, or does he leave? Do you have some savings to help with moving costs etc. I know this doesn't deal with the emotional side of it, but at least planning the practical side would be help.
I have been in your situation...hell i still am. I have two kids and am pregnant with my third. My DH has never done anything to help me with the kids/house EVER. Its an argument just to get him to watch the kids while i go to the shop for 5 minutes to get milk. A few years ago now, i had just had enough, i was suffering from really bad depression as i hated my life and having no support from my at the time DF. I walked out one day and rang him an hour later to say that i hate him for his lack of support and his lack of help with the kids and i will never be back.

I hated myself even more once i left. I really did love him, he was mostly good to me (no violence, just sometimes talked to me a little badly, but thats his parents fault so he thinks its ok) he worked hard to provide for our family (we didnt have much money but we were able to manage) And just wanted to go back so bad every day.

Fast forward two years, we are back together (although its not the same, he is still hurting from the fact that i left and is worried that one day i will walk out again) we are married and expecting another baby. I have come to realise that although he isnt the greatest with helping me, he is great with me, and is getting better with the kids as they get older (still far from father of the year material) and we do sometimes do things as family which is fantastic.

Im not going to tell you whether you need to stay or leave, i think you just really need to sit down and think about what you want. Yes, i could find someone better, but i could have ended up with someone worse. But i love him and chose to come back. You have to think about what is important to you. Maybe take some time out and visit relatives for a week and just say to him before you go that he has some serious thinking to do. Its goind to be hard, best of luck xx
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